To make a complaint about hospital experience with DD?

[Ginspirational]

2 year old DD was admitted to hospital Friday. We arrived in A&E at 12, and were finally put into a bed around 6pm. No offers of drinks/food etc came at any point during the afternoon or evening, so DH went and bought some bits from the shop. I could kind of less this pass as we came at a bit of a funny time, and we were given toast in the morning.

However.. I stayed the night with DD who woke in the middle of the night really confused and upset, so I took her out of the bay into the play room area, separate from the beds to try and calm her down - she was really going loopy at this point. A student nurse asked if I would take her and stand on the balcony outside because I was waking other patients, she didn’t even let me get my shoes on and DD was just in a baby grow.. I walked out and then straight back in because it was too cold to take her out there. They then tried to take her off me to calm her down; which absolutely wouldn’t have worked.. but nobody was listening.

AIBU to make a complaint or should I just move on and be grateful? I know NHS are over worked / under staffed but I felt like such a hindrance.

@Needmorelego I’m aware this is possible and prob a good idea a few days in, and if you can afford it… in my situation I didn’t have a huge appetite as was stressed so just a sugary cup of tea or a small snack would have done. I didn’t feel I could leave my dd at this point, it was around 2am and we were in a completely empty and eerie ward and weren’t aware of diagnosis / seriousness yet.

reading back what I wrote it does sound a bit pathetic 😅 but it just feels odd that there isn’t much provision in those first hours when you’ve most likely arrived unprepared with a very ill child. I fully appreciate that they can’t run around offering tea to all slightly upset people. I don’t know what the solution is!

@Scottishshortbread11877 the op was alone at the hospital when she was experiencing these issues. She mentioned that her DH offered to swap with her - perhaps they have other kids at home to look after too? It’s often not “parents” it’s usually one parent that goes in with the child. In my case it was still during Covid so my husband wasn’t allowed in, only one parent at a time. Much harder to sort your own needs when you’re alone with an unwell child.

anyway I’m going to sign off too as the crappy replies are winding me up lol. I would still offer all these harsh posters a kind cup of tea/snack if they were alone and stressed!

@Ginspirational sorry to hear you’re in for a few more days. Wishing your dd a speedy recovery. And you were definitely not being unreasonable. Anyone that’s been there understands. Xxx

@Ginspirational ignore the bitchy replies.
Get Well Soon to your little one 💐
Look after yourself too 💐💐

She isn't bloody 'entitled'

She was stressed and worried and it's not unreasonable to expect that a baby/small child who has been an emergency admission would be offered a drink and some food.

And being asked to take said poorly infant outside at night is absolutely ridiculous! The weather isn't exactly tropical at the moment, is it?

But you carry on being nasty to a seriously worried mother, why don't you?

It is in my hospital too. But we would allow an older baby/ child to do it. After the risks have been explained.

@Itneverrainsinsocal it is all a bit overwhelming and confusing at first.
Your child is ill and you're tired, hungry and scared.
It is all a bit rotten really but I am very grateful for the NHS and what they do.

If a student nurse can't understand that a patient needs food they would be better off in another job.

Rubbish. Adults in hospitals aren't expected to provide their own food are they?

WRT to meal orders - she was in A&E not on the ward - they don't do catering in A&E.

Plus she's not even the patient so she shouldn't expect to be fed that's what the machines etc are for.

If she felt her DD needed something to eat when she got to the ward she could have asked

It is provided but only a sandwich or similar - for patients if the Dr has said they can eat. All they need to do is ask but OP didn't ask and she didn't ask when they got to the ward either

@Blushingm in the OPs defence you do go into an overwhelming state of worry and confusion in circumstances like that.
You don't know the ward routine and rules but your mind doesn't always make you stop and think to ask.

Hope your DD is having a more manageable time on the ward and yourself. I do apologise if my first post seemed abit standoffish- it's easy to sit at home and think of course it's unreasonable to complain but the more you reflect on what it's like in hospital looking after an ill child and the lack of sleep (and help!) .. you forget what stress that person is going through.

Hope you are both more settled.

The child was a patient on a ward from 6pm, as the OP said in her original post. She went on to say that "No offers of drinks/food etc came at any point during the afternoon or evening". In UK hospitals, all patients should be offered 3 meals a day and some paediatric wards have introduced snack trolleys for childrens wards which should come around once or twice a day, although it does depend on individual catering team members whether the snack trolley comes around.

I assumed the OP was just talking about food for her child (which should have been provided by the hospital once she arrived on the ward) but, even if she was talking about food for herself as well, a number of hospitals offer 1 parent meal, twice a day, for the parent staying overnight with their child. Not all do, but many do so.

Yes, the OP could have asked, and in future she will know she must advocate for herself and her child, even for simple things like getting fed. But when you've been in A&E half the day with your very sick child, you're stressed and worried and you don't know what the rules/proccesses are, I can understand why she didn't.

Yes, you're right, after three tries. My point was that they are required to escalate after 2 attempts.

Having had some bad experiences in hospital I was prepared to think you would be right. But I am afraid I cannot agree this was very bad treatment- you had someone with you who could go and get food, and they did not ask anything unreasonable. Pity 90 year old Mary who is there by herself, dumped in a corridor because staff have nowhere else to put her.

@Blushingm

I've said and others have two that some A&E do provide food.

about my DD not being offered any food after we had been told we were being admitted (around 4pm) and actually getting a bed at 6, and still nothing until the next day

Well if they’d needed to operate on her, they couldn’t have if she’d eaten. I’d say that’s pretty standard to ensure a patient is Nil by mouth until they’d got to the bottom of what was wrong with your DD.

@Toddlerteaplease sorry I read it as 2mo as she was dressed in a babygro, it's been a long week!

@C152

Yes, you're right, after three tries. My point was that they are required to escalate after 2 attempts.

I don't know how much you know about the process of cannulation. You may be a senior anaesthetist (in my opinon, the gold standard) for all I know.
But I somehow doubt it.*

It can be a bit more of an art than a science. After two attempts, a clinician may look again and feel there's a reasonable chance in another area.**
Now, if they're being a Jobsworth, they'll think: No! Must escalate after 2 attempts.
However, they may may weigh up the need to get a cannula into the patient against the waiting time for someone else to be free to try and decide it's reasonable to try that 3rd time.

I presume you realise that there's not a queue of professionals standing in line to try to cannulate someone?
If the first person, usually a nurse, can't do it, it could be hours before a doctor is available. That will increase the time before a patient gets fluids and/or iv drugs. Ultimately, it will increase the time spent in hospital - never a good thing (I've spent time in hospital).

*Actually, from the way you express yourself, you're very unlikely to be an anaesthetist of any description.
You could well be a hospital manager though.

**I would also lay a big bet that your first thought will be "Well they should have tried that area first".

One hospital I was in with DD brought a trolley round that had been waiting a while. Just sandwiches but better than nothing. Our local hospital wouldn't though unless you ask. DD has to have food with morning meds. So they brought her some toast and yoghurt. We had been there since 5am.

C152 ,Do you really think we have time to do all of the bullshit you are suggesting ? You are living in cloud cuckoo land !

Hi op, I’m sorry you’ve having a tough week and tht you’ve had some unkind comments. It’s incredibly tough being in hospital with a child and the lack of sleep and stress makes it all the harder. I have a medically vulnerable toddler and so know it all too well. You aren’t likely to get much response from pals regarding a complaint (I don’t disagree it’s absolutely rubbish) because they are looking for medical issues where there’s negligence primarily, rather than the issues you’ve faced so you may not receive a reply to any emails etc. again they are a very overstretched dependent! It took 6 months for my complaint to be answered, my son was 8 weeks old and had meningitis, we were transferred to a London hospital for a procedure. His notes were lost, no drugs were administered, his procedure didn’t go ahead and he was left on no fluids for 8 hours, he was fading away before my eyes, despite many calls for help. Eventually we kidnapped him past security and took him to the original hospital who were shocked at his condition and took them two days to stabilise him. This complaint took many months to get investigated as they are so overwhelmed, the nhs is under so much strain at present. I really hope your dd gets well soon.

SIDS in a 2 year old. Isn't it babies who suffer this?

Sometimes it is better to get parents out of the way. My son was hospitalised last year for a bout of pneumonia. They wanted to do a covid test and I said try but doubt he’ll let you near him as he wouldn’t never ever let me put the swab up his nose. I said I thought they’d be better trying themselves, without me around. They took him away into a room and came back two minutes later and it was done. I know for a fact if I’d tried to do it or been there it would have been a screaming meltdown and completely unsuccessful.

I'm unsure what the complaint would be regarding specifically?

You took your child for medical treatment which she received. The student nurse was being reasonable in requesting you calm her down in order to let others rest who undoubtedly had their own ailments. The food issue is not an issue, the NHS is about medical care, not providing food, especially at that hour.

By all means, complain to your local PALS team, but I can't see it progressing, unfortunately.