To make a complaint about hospital experience with DD?

[Ginspirational]

2 year old DD was admitted to hospital Friday. We arrived in A&E at 12, and were finally put into a bed around 6pm. No offers of drinks/food etc came at any point during the afternoon or evening, so DH went and bought some bits from the shop. I could kind of less this pass as we came at a bit of a funny time, and we were given toast in the morning.

However.. I stayed the night with DD who woke in the middle of the night really confused and upset, so I took her out of the bay into the play room area, separate from the beds to try and calm her down - she was really going loopy at this point. A student nurse asked if I would take her and stand on the balcony outside because I was waking other patients, she didn’t even let me get my shoes on and DD was just in a baby grow.. I walked out and then straight back in because it was too cold to take her out there. They then tried to take her off me to calm her down; which absolutely wouldn’t have worked.. but nobody was listening.

AIBU to make a complaint or should I just move on and be grateful? I know NHS are over worked / under staffed but I felt like such a hindrance.

@ButWhatAboutTheBees

I'm not the only person on this thread who have visited an A&E that provides food.

It's a hospital not a Travelodge.

Maybe pay for private health insurance if you hate the standard of the nhs so much

The OP still hasn't said whether the food issue was to do with HER not being offered food or her DD? We also don't know the reason for admission. The toddler might have been nil by mouth in case of surgery or vomiting/diarrhoea/other illness- in these cases, food would not normally be offered. Nor has the OP said whether she ever asked any staff for any food?

3 tries is standard, after that you escalate to someone else. Did she want food, did you ask for any? They wouldn't have offered you as standard, it's expected you get that yourself from family. Being asked not to disturb the other kids by taking yours into a playroom, is pretty reasonable, being asked to stand on a balcony in the cold is not. I do think that overall though there is nothing to actually complain about, your child is being treated, and doesn't seem to have had any care that is of concern from the post.

They can't feed you because you're not a patient and as you're not exclusively breastfeeding you don't count in the budget. Children's food is paid for with the ward budget.

It's extremely unreasonable to let your toddler play in the play room during the night. Would you be happy for a 14 year old to use the playroom to play with the Wii or on the Xbox at 2am because they couldn't sleep? Or would you be really pissed off that your toddler had been woken up? Or is it just your child who is allowed to get up and play at 2am?

Thank you everyone - we had a much better night last night and I have a clearer head.

Just to clarify, I know it’s not a hotel/travel lodge/wasn’t expecting a menu and all the other comments like that. I meant my DD was not offered anything from the time we were triaged at 12, until 6pm when we were given a bed, and even after that. The first time she was offered any food or drink was the morning after - I honestly couldn’t have cared less if I ate or not. I didn’t ask, because I was in a busy paeds A&E, and by the time we were given a bed she was basically falling asleep, but I just didn’t know if that was normal or not.

Secondly, I didn’t take her to the play room so she could play. I took her to the play room to get her away from the wards and corridors as a quiet room to try and settle her and calm her down. I thought that shutting myself in the play room would’ve been enough distance, but the nurse came in and asked me to move to the balcony.

Anyway - thank you for all your helpful comments. It’s the first time she’s been seriously ill, it was unexpected and we were blue lighted from the GP so my head was a mess. I worked at the NHS for 3 years and I know how hard they work, my parent brain was just scrambled after lack of sleep and seeing DD so devastated.

Please ignore some of the unhelpful and unkind comments. You are worried stressed and tired in an unfamiliar situation. I hope you both get home soon.

Don’t really get all the “it’s not a hotel” comments.. she wasn’t expecting 5 star service, just some basic food/drink after a long and stressful experience. If a nurse is free (if) then surely they could offer mothers in this situation a snack? Let alone something for the child… when I had a sick relative in hospital sometimes the nurses would pop down to the shop for him (with money he gave them) although maybe that’s not allowed, I don’t know.

I went through similar when my child was 1. We were in a&e for hours, sent up to an empty ward off the main ward at midnight, I had a chair to sleep on which ok I managed fine but got zero sleep, dd had a metal cot but refused it so she slept in her buggy. I asked about food but said we don’t get food until dd is admitted. I did think this was crazy, we hadn’t eaten for hours and at this point didn’t know exactly how unwell or how serious my dd’s condition was (she had a huge rash, we’d had blood tests and cannulation and warning of a possible blood transfusion) a nurse managed to get us toast for breakfast even though we weren’t “allowed” (but had been there all night) which was so kind and I was so grateful. I was technically not allowed food but they let me order jam toast. Husband at home with a broken foot 🙈 so unable to help, hospital had a shop and cafe but on that first night I didn’t know if she was well enough for me to wheel her around in her buggy… it was a very stressful experience!

the next day I asked if I could take her down to the costa and they said yes so off we went and I got some coffee and felt more human. We were in for 3 nights and I was allowed to order food for her which we shared as portions were big enough. Had to wash her dummy and bottle in the ward sink with hand wash, not ideal but fine. They provided formula which I was v grateful for. She slept in her buggy every night and I used my phone/YouTube to distract her if she was noisy or upset. But I understand op’s desperation in going to the playroom! It’s a daunting experience and you’re having to test and learn new ways to cope in a very different environment to home. I accidentally discovered in hospital that I could rock her to sleep in the pram which helped so much!

yes I know budgets are tight but to keep a child and parent waiting for hours and hours with no offer of anything isn’t really acceptable… you get more at the airport if your flight is delayed! There doesnt seem to be a standard if some people get a&e sandwiches and some get nothing. Sometimes you just need a cup of tea to get through a very upsetting situation. I didn’t think to complain but I also felt like, is this really what they do in these situations?? Hope your DD recovers and you’re out of there very soon op xx

@Ginspirational forgot to add to my long post lol… when we were there on 2nd and 3rd days I tried to take dd to the playroom, only to be told on two occasions it was being used for a meeting and to come back in a couple of hours… literally walking in to a bunch of nurses sitting around on the little chairs… it was ridiculous!!

we were also on a teenage ward which seemed be for mental health issues and suicide attempts. I remember one mum of a teenager trying to encourage her son by saying “come on you don’t want to be stuck here with a crying baby all night” referencing my daughter.. i was heartbroken for them. All in all a very upsetting experience.

I was so grateful for the medical treatment but there are areas that definitely need to be addressed in the nhs, it was all a bit mad!

If you are ever back in a similar situation again it would be sensible to bring snacks for your toddler with you. The NHS don't have the time or funding to provide food in a&e to the general public. Another reason why this would never happen is that it is an emergency triage centre and likely some of the people waiting might require emergency surgery ( so nil by mouth).

In situations like this, threads like this really help. It means that the next person to expertise will know to be more prepared. Hope your LO ok

@entiredayfighting but op was blue lighted from gp to hospital, she didn’t have a chance to get any snacks… also wouldn’t there be people in a&e that need to eat due to various conditions? The nhs have funding for a lot of unnecessary things currently. Food (if needed after a period of hours) should be provided imo

I wouldn't complain but I think it's rubbish they don't provide food. I was waiting in a&e last year for 14 hours before I was admitted. I was offered a sandwich towards the end which I was surprised to get but that was it. I was 19 weeks pregnant at the time (the baby died after I was admitted). Luckily my husband was there and able to pop to the shop. Would have been horrible otherwise. Despite having stroke level blood pressure it also took several hours to give me any medication. I expect different trusts have different rules though.

I hope your DD continues to improve and you get home today @Ginspirational - so tough being in hospital with a little one. We are lucky at our local hospital and with an infection esp at your DD's age you would typically get a private room. Most of the paeds wards are set up like that

Hope your DD is on the mend. I sat with my son in a&e for hours, he wasn't offered any food, and there were no vending machines. He was there for investigation into low blood sugars. DH finished work and got some bits. When we got to the ward, the nurses were great and offered us drinks and snacks. So I don't think it was unreasonable to expect a sandwich, at least for your DD. I'm a nurse myself. When I worked in the hospital, I always offered sandwiches and a hot drink to people who were admitted at non meal times (if not NMB for any reason). It's not difficult.

I hope your daughter is on the mend OP. I work in paeds & people complain about far less so if you feel you need to then you can. I also don't get everyone saying you shouldn't expect any food? I always offer patients something to eat when they arrive on the ward & sandwiches etc for parents. It's polite, helps people settle a little bit & takes 2 minutes to stick on some toast. Re the crying at night I would probably offer to take the baby too but if the parent declined that's fine, most wards have a buggy/pram so I would have wrapped the wee one up and taken them a walk outside the ward but not in the cold outside. People cry in hospital all the time but lots also sleep, so I would do all I could to help a child settle down at night time, including check their pain levels. The cannulation can be tricky in wee ones, especially if they're not eating/drinking and it's absolutely right for staff to ask someone else to try if they can't get it. Hope you are home soon OP & best wishes to your daughter.

YABU.

It's the NHS not a hotel, they're not there to wait on you and feed you and as for your daughter getting upset upon waking up, that's your job.

I thank this is pretty standard nhs tbh. Only you can decide if you complain or not. I complained about something with my child and in turn the hospital did act very fast.

The food unfortunately is just how it is. If you in my hospital they would always find food if you was close yo a meal time once on a ward. I have a emergency bag now so I'd never go to a&e without everything I need. Even if it's just the very basics like a can of coke each and a bottle of water, biscuits.

I'm my case it was how a member of staff talked to me and my disabled son which resulted in him missing a significant injury. I know basic manners I'd expect in a shop. My line is already about there.

I agree, I don’t think a complaint is helpful as then it’s the nurses and doctors being blamed when they really are just trying to their best and don’t need another thing to be added to the hundreds of things they are already trying to focus on, plus it just adds to the constant bashing they are already under from people who complain at every little thing and from the media etc. However having been there on the other side myself, I absolutely do think it should be standard that the children and parents of unexpected admissions get offered food and some basics just to make the experience as bit more tolerable. It’s not even something that would cost that much in relative terms and as for set up, it could be done in conjunction with the hospital volunteers group and a small grant, perhaps a little tuck trolley and overnight kit kept stocked up by the hospital volunteer group that the healthcare assistants could be responsible for directing parents to on admission

you must have been shattered and starving.

They don’t have to provide food and I know this because my experience was being with my 3 year old in a hospital side ward from Sunday night to Wednesday afternoon unable to leave him, surviving on a can of Diet Coke I had in my bag. I kept filling it with tap water from the hand basin.
Wasn’t offered even a single cup of tea. I didn’t eat a thing. And yes I asked about getting something to eat. They said they don’t provide for parents.

I couldn’t leave him, he was in too much pain, too unwell and just wanted me.
We had been taken there by ambulance, it was a specialist hospital 2 hours drive from our house. My dh had to stay to get our older child to school.

On the day of discharge they breezily said that I could take him to the play room next to the parents kitchen…

Parents kitchen? Yes, parents kitchen… BUT you can’t just use it as you need to provide your own tea/coffee/milk and put your name on it.

It was the most traumatic experience for many many reasons.

Top tip for anyone in these situations - you can get food delivered to the hospital via Uber eats etc.
You may have to leave your child for 5 minutes to collect from the reception but it's do-able.

Just because your daughter is receiving medical care in hospital does not mean the hospital are responsible for her entire daily living routine. Why are you wondering why they didn't offer food? She was with her parents so you would be still be expected to meet all of her other care needs aside from medical. I hope she feels better soon but your post is very unrealistic.

Op has already updated numerous times and was obviously tired/stressed and wasn't sure of the process. She does raise a valid point, want happens to those alone that can't advocate and left with no food/water etc. You never know how long someone has gone without before being admitted

Entitled parents like this are the reason many student nurses decide against working in paediatrics. It’s a hospital not a Premier Inn! And yea the other patients need to sleep.
Focus on your convalescing child and not on kicking up a stink! Be grateful we have a free healthcare system in this country.

It's not free... have read her updates?

This will be my last update as we have been told we are going to be in a while longer and some of the comments are quite upsetting on top of an already upsetting situation, though that’s likely my own doing.

I certainly wouldn’t call myself an entitled parent, I think the NHS is wonderful, I was just in quite an emotional and worried place when I posted this. I did assume as an inpatient that the patient, my DD, as a meal eating child, would be offered meals or drinks. I apologise that that comes across as entitled/expecting 5 star service - that’s really not the case.

Anyway.. thank you for everyone’s well wishes and the kind comments, I won’t be updating or reading again and have certainly learnt my lesson in seeking advice on a forum of what I thought was other mothers who had experienced similar situations. Sometimes a simple ‘you’re being unreasonable’ is enough x