To make a complaint about hospital experience with DD?

[Ginspirational]

2 year old DD was admitted to hospital Friday. We arrived in A&E at 12, and were finally put into a bed around 6pm. No offers of drinks/food etc came at any point during the afternoon or evening, so DH went and bought some bits from the shop. I could kind of less this pass as we came at a bit of a funny time, and we were given toast in the morning.

However.. I stayed the night with DD who woke in the middle of the night really confused and upset, so I took her out of the bay into the play room area, separate from the beds to try and calm her down - she was really going loopy at this point. A student nurse asked if I would take her and stand on the balcony outside because I was waking other patients, she didn’t even let me get my shoes on and DD was just in a baby grow.. I walked out and then straight back in because it was too cold to take her out there. They then tried to take her off me to calm her down; which absolutely wouldn’t have worked.. but nobody was listening.

AIBU to make a complaint or should I just move on and be grateful? I know NHS are over worked / under staffed but I felt like such a hindrance.

Did you ask for food for her? Mealtimes tend to be early so you may have missed the evening round although they might have been able to rustle a snack up for her. Parents are usually expected to go to the cafe, Sorry she is unwell and hope you are able to return home soon.

Being in hospital with a child is not a nice experience but I don't think you have anything to complain about. It all sounds fairly normal.
Definitely ask if she can have a proper bed rather than a cot so if needs be you can snuggle in with her which might help her sleep.
Your husbands job is to go to the nearest supermarket and stock up on a big pile of snacks for you and your daughter (although she will be getting meals if she's stays in). The ward will have a parents break room with fridge and microwave so he can get you some ready meals.
Best wishes and hope she is feeling better soon 💐

Thank you everyone - the only other time I’ve stayed in hospital was when I gave birth and a totally different experience, so my lack of knowledge I think.

Co-sleeping is against policy in my Paeds wards for the usual SIDS reasoning, it would be better to try and settle her in the cot alone

I think you're being totally unreasonable and can't see thst you've got any grounds for complaint based on what you've said in your posts.

It's a stressful time. Not sure if DDs dad/parent/friend can relieve you, so you can get yourself some food / shower/ sleep etc.

Spending time in hospital is horrendous, have you got something she can watch tv on quietly?

How long are they predicting she's in for? Some sleep/ food makes a massive difference to how you cope in hospital so don't feel bad getting away for a few hours if you can get someone to be with her.

While there isn't anything to make a complaint about that doesn't take away from the fact that this sounds like a really difficult time for you two. Could your DH bring in some food and things for you to help you through this?

They are hoping we will be discharged tomorrow, it’s an infection and the antibiotics appear to be working, but could be serious if they don’t so specialist wants to assess tomorrow.

DH suggested he stayed with her tonight but I couldn’t be away from her all night - I did go home and shower, just so wary we are the only toddler family on a ward of teenagers and I feel so aware of every noise she makes. The whole thing is just crap, I definitely can’t wait to be home.

If a baby is used to co sleeping at home and won’t sleep alone, I hardly think when they are very unwell in a hospital setting is the time! It would be better for the hospital to make sure parents are following the safe sleep 7 than to blanket ban it.

You’re having a really shitty experience and nothing is going right, and you’re understandably lashing out at people you’re finding at fault. There’s nothing here to make complaints about. I don’t want to hijack the thread with my experience, but something far more distressing happened with my ds that I really felt was borderline negligence, but looking back I’m glad I didn’t report as it was all accidental and the staff were doing the best they could at the time. As pp have said, the hospital will only feed patients and they may have assumed she’d already been fed, or was too poorly to want to eat. 100% ask for food for her if this ever happens again though, at any time, they always have access to at least toast and sandwiches

@rokaaroundthechristmastree the child is 2 years old not a baby.
They can share a bed just fine.

It’s always worrying when your child is ill in hospital. If you’re worried about tonight why don’t you wait until the evening shift come on and explain to your nurse that your DD was unsettled last night and maybe discuss options if she wakes again tonight. Although I will say I’ve spent a lot of time in children’s wards with my son and they are noisy places with kids crying, throwing up or just waking and chattering in the night.

I hope you have an easier night tonight x

I’d perhaps pop it on a feedback form but making an official complaint a bit unjustified. Having been in hospital unexpectedly with DC ourselves it would mean a lot to just be offered some basics/food which we absolutely wouldn’t have minded paying for and it would be an great initiative if this could be thought of, toys/distractions by bedsides for kids who are not settling would be great too. However I work in the NHS as well and know how demoralising it is to get complaints over everything not being amazing (i.e respectful competent care was provided but just did not meet the person’s expectations) when we are working completely flat out just to try and provide respectful safe care. For a student to get a complaint made against them would be even more demoralising (given the intensity and challenges of the course and that they have to pay 9.5k a year to be there). Most people we care for are so lovely, appreciative and uncomplaining and I would say without a doubt that is what keeps me doing the job, you cannot underestimate the impact of complaints on individuals. At the same time it’s wonderful to hear of new initiatives we are having to improve patient experiences and so heartwarming when we have been able to make a difference .
Perhaps contact the trust and highlight the positive aspects of the care received but ask is there any way you could be involved in helping
to improve the patient/family experience.
I would 2nd what other people are saying about expressing what you need as well, when I was talking to a friend who works on the ward where we were they said the staff would of been happy to have tried to help if we had asked

Im sorry that you and DD are going through this, OP. Like others, I don’t think you have grounds for complaint, but I wanted to reply to say that I hope you get some sleep and that DD will be feeling much better and able to go home soon.

Please don't complain, it sounds like the staff are doing the best they can in very difficult circumstances. I understand though, I've been in hospital with my son this week, only day surgery but it was brutal. We were in a mixed aged ward this time with lots of children aged between a few months old and teenagers but I've been there before when I've got a lively toddler in for elective surgery and in the next bed is a teenager who has just taken an overdose and could do with some peace. Hope your little girl gets better soon.

Didn't you ask for some food? We have a fridge full of sandwiches and snacks outside of meal times. Ok so it was too cold to go on a balcony. But I do t think it was wrong to ask you to take her somewhere that would disturb the other patients. We would suggest you went to the play room. There is nothing to complain about.

Some children are difficult to cannulate. It's jut how it is.

You absolutely are NOT being unreasonable. Totally ignore those saying you have nothing to complain about. Whether you have the energy to complain is another matter. Absolutely nothing will change if you do, but the staff will hate you for it. So if you think you may be there some time, or may have to return, save the complaints for something more serious.

Meal orders are taken in the morning, which you and your DD would have missed because you weren't on the ward at that point. However, whichever nurse was assigned to look after you should have asked you if you/your child wanted dinner. It's not unreasonable to point this out.

Sadly, it is not unusual for Drs to be shit at inserting canulas; it is unique skill. If they fail twice, they should escalate the matter to someone else..who will probably also be shit, but you never know, perhaps you'll get lucky. Also ask for numbing cream to be put on, and wait at least 45min for it to work (don't believe the total rubbish about 'it only takes half an hour').

Nor would it be unreasonable to highlight that the student nurse perhaps needs further guidance on what it is suitable to suggest in these situations. Sending a toddler and a barefoot mother out into the cold is a ridiculous suggestion, as is trying to take a hysterical toddler from her mother.

I hope the antibiotics work and you're home soon, OP.

The meals thing no, you shouldn't expect food - what did you think you'd get, a menu?!

But the nurse was a bit weird yeah so you could maybe mention that to someone senior but I doubt it would do much

The cannula is challenging in a dehydrated child. My youngest was very ill at 19 days and it took over 20 attempts. I felt so scared, angry and really wanted to bundle him up and not let them near him. It's normal to feel that way.

Get rest, I hope you all recover from what is a traumatic experience. Don't make any decisions now, just let yourself process. Wishing your little one health 💐

You are being unreasonable but you have a sick child in hospital and are tired so it's understandable

Coming on to the ward late means you miss meals, food isn't served in A&E and you have to use the cafe, I've had to do this plenty with a sick relative and it happened to me when I was admitted with an infection. I eventually got food on the ward because they needed to check I could swallow.

The play area is probably off limits at night, maybe a sign could make this clearer but being asked not to disturb others because you are playing when they are sleeping is understandable

Cannulas are tricky bastards and either work smoothly the first time or take several attempts which look awful. It's just the way it is and asking a different colleague to have a go after 3 attempts is also standard.

I'm sorry you're in this situation but once you're out the other side, you'll look back and realise it really wasn't as bad as it felt at the time

I assume you're meaning her food, not yours - they wouldn't provide food for parents or other visitors.

But does she actually want food? When mine have been in, it's been the other way round - the nurses begging them to have a bite of anything and them not wanting to eat. They got to the point with ds one time where they told him to name what he wanted and they'd find it, and they did, even though it was quite specific (he still didn't eat it 🙄)

The only time I've been fed as a parent was when ds had appendicitis, which was during covid and we were told not to leave the private room due to infection. After nearly 24 hours without food I put a head out and begged them just to send me anything. I had a plate of cold fishfingers which was all they could find. They were delicious.😂But if it hadn't been for covid then I'd have gone to get myself something.

Cannulas can be easy or hard to get in. I remember ds at about 8 weeks old, it took 3 nurses, 2 doctors and a paediatrician to get one in. Sometimes they go straight in though. When he was 7 weeks old, it went in first time, same nurse who couldn't get it in a week later.

C152

Sadly, it is not unusual for Drs to be shit at inserting canulas; it is unique skill. If they fail twice, they should escalate the matter to someone else..who will probably also be shit, but you never know, perhaps you'll get lucky.

The OP said a doctor was called after 3 attempts, presumably by nurses.
So it was escalated.

William Harvey A&E provides food. Sandwiches, crisps, fruit and drink.