Help me identify as a man (lighthearted)

[barbismyfriend]

I want to join a club that is men only.

There are a few men there that would really like to allow women but it's not happening yet.

I am chubby with big boobs and long blonde hair, what can I do to make myself look more masculine so I can claim to identify as a man?

You know, like men slap on a bit of lippy.

Not waxing my moustache and beard is NOT an option, I'm not desperate!

I’m not trans, but I’m going to bet a lot of people who are will tell you they have not, actually, found life this easy.

Leave the seat up, spit in the toilet, and aim for the floor.

I am so sorry. You should not have had to face that. Years ago, I had a man at work say to me "Cheer up, who died?" And when I replied "My granddad, last night!" he went running to the sister in charge, and she told me to apologise for upsetting him.