Why do people think parents who pay for private education are enormously wealthy?

[SheineOn]

Is this just the stereotype?

I went to a school that cost 18k a year (15 years ago). It’s now 24k a year.

There were wealthy people there. But also many ‘normal’ people. At least 40% fell into that category. People who lived on estates, drove modest cars, skipped holidays and ate cheaply.

They made a choice to spend their money on private education. For context, two of my closest friends have dc in private. They live off 450 a month after paying fees. They are not high earners.

Not everyone has endless wealth. Some are just happy to make the sacrifice. I find it strange people don’t seem to get that and makes me wonder how lacking in knowledge you must be to have that view of the private sector.

But I do think there are many that could but choose not too and state that despite sacrifices they couldn't. We have at least three sets of friends who have fallen into this bracket:

1. Maxed out on a mortgage to get into catchment for good schools
2. One set have spent £150k on a house refurbished
3. Keep horses and spend the same monthly outgoings on livery.

It's about choice. There are lots that don't have the choice and they are in the majority but there are some who can but don't want to acknowledge that this isn't the choice they have made. We send DC to private school. Our house really needs work and we don't have a lot of disposable income once bills are paid but I'm perfectly comfortable that this is our choice and I can acknowledged that this puts us in a privileged position.

Dhs boss (£350+bonus) wangs on about saving money by going on the ferry and staying in his holiday homes instead of flying and staying in hotels. It's almost comical.

@Kinshipug This is my aunt, schools holidays were too expensive so better to buy a holiday home. She thought 6 wks abroad in her 2nd home was economising! 😆

Because I've crunched the numbers and know where we could make cuts to our lifestyle to do it. I don't have to do it, and I'm glad of that because it would be quite miserable actually, I've been there before and it's really fucking boring.

Average one working parent household working minimum wage jobs for 8 hours a day 5 days a week = £11.50 X 8 X 5 = £460

Average two working parent household working minimum wage jobs for 8 hours a day 5 days a week = £11.50 X 8 X 5 = £460 X 2 = £920

Both figures will need adjusting because for even school age children to be looked after, either one parent will need to less or not at all, or childcare costs will need factoring in. But this is the wage reality for a lot of parents....

So your mortgage is only £600 a month on a £136k mortgage?

Is it really worth it? I'd rather have the spare cash

@Noonelikesasloppytrifle but those friends clearly don’t think it’s worth it & that’s fine.
Im not convinced re the value yet personally particularly if I can have an excellent free option & put money into other things.

Its not about sacrifice. The money is just not there after essential bills.

I think many assume PE means better jobs/universities etc and it doesn’t guarantee any of that. It gives you a better chance for better grades. My friends daughter failed her GCSE maths last summer at private school. My state educated son passed his. They all do the same exams ages 16.

I have a client whose dd goes to private school. They are reasonably wealthy but not outrageously so, but the snobbery is unreal. As if all the state kids are second rate good for nothings. No my cup of tea even if I could afford it.

Yes. It was fixed in 2022. I'm aware that if you were on a variable rate or if you got one more recently, it's going to be higher than that but I find it hard to believe that no-one else fixed their mortgage before interest rates went up. After all, everyone knew they were going to.

Agreed. I also think that if you need to reduce the family's quality of life to pay the fees it's probably money that could be spent better elsewhere. If I had to cut everything to the bone to pay 20k school fees I think it would be far better spend on my kids having the experience of travel, judicious use of tutoring and money saved towards uni fees/house deposit in the future. I cannot thinnk without all of these things private schooling gives that much of an advantage.

@MrsSunshine2b and guessing you live in a terraced or ex council house? Not the usual person who sends their kids to private school.

They'd be a lot richer if they didn't send their kids to private schools though wouldn't they? I'm not in the UK, I''m in Ireland. We don't have the same culture of private schools. The vast, vast majority here go to non fee paying schools. And they get on grand. From the outside, the culture of private schools in country that's so close is quite curious. Why are so many so dismissive of the normal education system? Is it really that bad?Just looking at the cost there, before they even start college!

After all, everyone knew they were going to.

😆 The BOE thought inflation was a blip.

@MrsSunshine2b Im interested in your predictions, what lower rates do you foresee in 3 yrs?

We would fall into this bracket. Our only catchment school is in RI and has been for 7 years. We live in a rural area which is high on the deprivation index. Other local schools would require at least a 25 minute bus journey but we wouldn't get in anyway and there is no public transport so no opportunity to stay for clubs etc.
We sent DC privately as they are moderately dyslexic. They would be under a radar at any state school.

@MrsSunshine2b we lived in a cheaper terraced house before moving where we are now. Our mortgage payments were the same as yours. We moved and took out a larger mortgage as we had loads of hassle from gangs of kids. And frankly I did not want my kids growing up around that. I think moving to a safer area (although our neighbours were great) was more important than private school. The reality of living in areas like that with kids is often not that good.

This!

You're making assumptions about "the usual kind of person". Yes, we live in a terraced ex-council house. I went to an independent school for some of my secondary education, and there were several children there who lived in terraced houses, children of teachers, nurses etc.. There were also some fabulously wealthy families too living in actual castles. You get a broad spread.

lol, talk through the maths.
Less than average pay. Let’s say a few hundred less than average… 35k
28k take home.
Presuming like the average person they have a mortgage or pay rent how exactly do they pay school fees near to their income?

@Noonelikesasloppytrifle I don’t think there aren’t some like you just not all. I also think it’s a bit different when dc have SEN.

Ohhhh OP. I know what you mean, but literally no point discussing on MN because people get very mean, very fast. Why? Because - at its core - private education is a massive LUXURY that is way out of the grasp of most of the population.

Did you see the child benefit thread the other day? Thousands upon thousands of parents living hand to mouth for a payment of £20-30 in this country. Outrageous.

So, I get that it must feel really frustrating to be bundled into a category that you feel is unjust. I would combat that feeling by reminding myself that you are hugely, hugely privileged to be able to have the time and energy to be bothered by the scorn of strangers. I am also financially privileged but often feel 'broke' then remember I would have zero sympathy if the next government brought in 50% tax on yachts or something. It's all relative.

Anyway, repeat the mantra: the thing about privilege is that if you don't understand it, you probably have it.

@MrsSunshine2b living in a terraced house that costs what you stated is very different to living in a terraced house in London. But my question was not so much whether you went to an independent school. You made it sound like you sent your child to a private school on the budget you outlined? Did you?

Pollipops1 I don't disagree - but then don't state you can't afford it. They have just chosen something different. It irks me when I'm sat in their beautiful kitchen extension to be told that they simply couldn't afford it. They could have, they just spent their money on something else.

This is hilarious. I cant be asked to read the whole thread but please tell me if OP ever said what is, in her world, "below average" wage? I remember a thread a while back where someone was moaning they have to "survive" on a tiny salary of £75k/ year - was it you, OP? This is like Catherine Tate's posh mummy: "darlings, our car is broke, we have to use PUBLIC TRANSPORT!!" [rings for a taxi]

Most people couldn't afford £24k annual school fees, or more for multiple children, even if they downsized, side hustled, shopped only in Lidl and Vinted, and never went on holiday. If you can afford it at all, even whilst "scrimping and saving", you're wealthy.