Why do male friends just randomly drop you

[Lordsoftheboards]

I only knew him for 9 months so I know people will say it isn't that long, but we were still close.
He's still single so it's not to do with that or anything.
He's a very avoidant sort of person who'd rather make a million excuses because he thinks it's 'kinder' (or just easier) than saying the truth.

I have tried to find out why he's trying to drop me but it's just excuses about being crap at texting (which he never used to be) stuff like that. So I've just left it and moving on, trying to not take it personally.

I'm single too. Had this with 2 other male friends in the past, it might not necessarily be specific to men but it does upset me and make me feel like it was never a friendship. Any insights?

I don't do male friendships for this reason.

They were almost all of them trying to get into my pants. I had a long-term close friendship with a man who ended up ruining it with sexual comments. 5 years down the drain. I won't invest that in a male friendship again.

I appreciate having male friends and this is just depressing tbh. We shouldn't just put up with it because 'men are like that".

Pretty much what everyone’s said.

you where an option that now are not
his got a new partner
you put out or didn’t put out and his given up

then you can move onto

you pissed him off
it was too one sided
etc

Imagine having a girlfriend and suddenly dropping any female friends who were there for you and stuff. That's so pathetic and lazy, good riddance tbh.

I agree. I don't think it's all men every single one of them, but the vast majority of men do think differently from women about friendship.

Most men not all but most are only friends with women they would sleep with if the chance did arise.

I only befriend men via work. It keeps it light and usually means opportunities for a drunken declaration of "feelings" are less likely.

I'd agree with this I think, I don't think most of us ever think we've "dropped" a friendship. I have good mates who I haven't spoken to in 2 years, because we just haven't bothered to get in touch with each other. Doesn't mean we're not friends, we've just had other things on.

I think most women feel the need to keep the lines of communication open in a friendship, have frequent contact, whereas men will just let it slide until one of us thinks "I wonder if Dave will lend me his drill", or "I fancy a pint, lets see if James is free"

The only time I'd actively try and make sure I'm keeping in touch with a friend frequently is if they're going through a divorce or health issue or similar. Until then, I'll message when I want something, even if the thing I want is to see my mate.

What can we do?

First post nailed it

I dunno, pull them up on it? Drop them as soon as they show signs of it?

I find friendships often wax and wane naturally with both sexes. Sometimes we talk / text a lot, sometimes we see each other more frequently, other times less of any or all contact. It’s more to do with the competing pressures of adult life, and other issues than either of us.

And, of course, sometimes people get a bit bored with each other, or mildly annoyed, and take a temporary step back.

All the “they just want to sleep with you and give up when you won’t” comments are depressing. Men aren’t a single entity driven only by the desire to fuck. There are plenty of them who are capable of enjoying female company without sex coming into it.

That said, a lot of men (and women) are sex obsessed so who knows…

Yep, exactly this. I'm in my late sixties and have led an unusual sort of life, lived all over the world, met every kind of demographic. Even so, I've never once had a male friend who ultimately didn't want to get into my pants - except for the gay ones.

Are you male?

My experience of men as a young(ish), attractive woman is that they absolutely are thinking of sex. I lost a 5 year close friendship over his lack of ability to stop making sexual comments. He said the friendship was so important to him, yet continued with the comments even after I asked him to stop.

I've lost multiple other male friendships when they tried it on. Some of them were married or partnered.

There is only one male friend I had who wasn't interested in sleeping with me and didn't fancy me. I wasn't as close with him and it was clear he prioritised close friendships with women he was really attracted to. He told me about that.

He used to fancy you and now no longer does. He's never fancied you, and is worried you fancy him.
He fancies the pants off you but is getting no signs its reciprocated so has decided it's not worth his bother to carry on being your fake friend.
It's usually the third one.

It hurts me tbh.

@FourLeggedBuckers

"All the “they just want to sleep with you and give up when you won’t” comments are depressing. Men aren’t a single entity driven only by the desire to fuck."

Yes, yes they are.

It sounds dramatic but I struggle with my mental health and lack of close/genuine friendships is one of the reasons.

Yep

Sadly this is true.

Are you quite young? Sorry to say this but you'd better get used to it. Men don't do friendships with females unless there's the promise of a shag.

Trying to think of one single male friend who didn’t at least try once or offer… yeah nope non. Even the neighbour who has a bloody lovely wife who’s 100% more attractive than me.

Didn’t go for shitting on my own door step… now it’s back to pleasantries when taking in parcels not chatter.

What about friendships with women? I totally get the hurt over this and have boycotted male friendships myself, as a result.

When my close male friend threw our friendship in the bin because he was thinking of his dick, it felt like the previous 5 years had not been real friendship and just him waiting around to see if I might want to be with him. That hurt.

Because some men use women platonically as well as sexually

I think there's something in this, though I also have several longterm, unproblematic friendships with men and am happily married to a good egg.

But I had what I thought was a good, more recent friendship with someone I got to know through my young DS's friendship group (divorced father of one of his friends, child spent weekends with him, and as both children are onlies and DH works away a lot, we spent quite a bit of time together at weekends as a result, doing stuff with the children). We confided in one another a fair bit, and I was really pleased I'd found a new friend, as we'd moved house not long before and I was actively on the lookout for new people. No sexual attraction, plus I'm at the extremely plain end of the spectrum of looks.

And then he just stopped getting in touch. I kept contacting him for a while, in the usual way, and at one point when I hadn't heard from him in a couple of months, asked him if I'd done something to offend him. No, he's 'just been busy'.

With hindsight, it was clearly the platonic equivalent of a situationship as far as he was concerned. I'm a confident person who doesn't generally struggle with friendships, but I was really hurt, and felt like an idiot for thinking it was a meaningful friendship, when he appears to have deleted two years from his memory without difficulty. I think I was a useful source of female company and conversation during a lonely spell after his divorce, and then there was no longer a role for me once he was feeling better, and our children no longer played together much.

I can only conclude that I was platonically 'used', and am a sadder and wiser woman as a result.