Lego-gate AIBU

[GrudgeJudy]

A few weeks ago my MIL told me something that really pissed me off.

Rewind 20 years and I had my first baby. We were visiting PIL and my MIL got out a few boxes from the loft and proceeded to show me an amazing collection of Star Wars toys from the 70’s, those metal cars in boxes and a mountain of original LEGO. Then she brought out beautifully knitted cardigans and accessories. How nice. All my DH’s things from the past, lovingly kept.

Then, my MIL told me - just to be clear, these aren’t for your children, these are for my DD’s children. You can’t have them.

I wondered, why the hell would you show me them to me if that’s the case, and since she has form for being nasty, I replied - Don’t worry, my DC won’t go without.

So, fast forward 20 years and 3 boys later and my PIL recently moved to a bungalow. She said she has had to sell or give away all the toys because no one has used them. Her DD never had kids.

AIBU to think this was pretty shitty. If we had been given the items we would’ve loving used them and kept them in good condition to pass on to SIL when the time came. They were, also, my DH’s toys.

AIBU to be annoyed by this and to think that I don’t appreciate my MIL playing favourites with imaginary DGC?

YANBU. Either she doesn’t like you or your DH, so much so that her dislike overrides any logic.

I think you should probably get over a conversation you had 20 years ago about some old Lego! Move on!

Yes.

She was making clear where your position in the family was. It wasn't about the lego, it was about you knowing your place.

I agree. I would be leaving any assistance in future to DSIL and her kids

The stuff that belonged to DH probably should have gone to DH though… maybe not the sentimental baby things but his toys could have been given back to him.

but maybe he didn’t want them? What does your DH think about all this?

Yes I've had similar. I've seen stuff be thrown away that I wasn't allowed to have.

Fuck em. Like you, my kids didn't go without either.

I'd definitely say something though. Like what a shame they just ended up in landfill after all those years.

That is incredibly sad. Fairest thing would of been to split them perhaps. On the upside they are probably worth a fortune 😉Personally I’d probably make a snippy comment like “such a shame you never felt able to let your grandsons wear or play with them”

I wouldn’t be in a rush to provide favours etc either.

That is horrible behaviour.
I hung on to a lot of the toys my son, an only child, had growing up, with the intention of passing them on to his children. It became clear over the years he wouldn't have children. So, with his blessing, I have made sure to give some of the toys away to various children - generally neighbours- because the thought of someone playing with the toys gives me pleasure. We didn't have any children in the family to pass them on to.

I could never understand anyone doing what your MIL has done. Actually taking pleasure in not giving your children the chance to enjoy the toys? She sounds seriously warped.

I think this is for your husband to sort out with his mum, they were his childhood toys. What does he think about it?

Don't be hasty , Lego sets that are retired are worth a lot of money . If MiL offers then take the lot and sell it . Enjoy the money the miserable bint lost

Old Lego from the 70s isn’t safe (can’t remember which colours particularly) and quite likely some of the other stuff could have been problematic too.
Blessing in disguise

Your MIL has a mean streak. I'm guessing this wasn't the only thing she's done like this over the years. Although she's not really had the last laugh either has she? Hoarded the special things for the favourite grandchild that never was.

I’m surprised you’re still hanging onto a conversation from 20 years ago!

The Lego was probably worth a lot so fair enough for selling it I suppose. You presumably have no use for the clothing, do you think any of your sons would have wanted the clothing (which I’m guessing is 40+ years old now)? Or did DH want it for sentimental reasons? If not then I would just move on, some old toys and clothing isn’t worth carrying a grudge over for decades!

What a cow.
Serves her right if she sold them for a fiver at a car boot sale - they would have been worth a lot.
(although I believe toys are for playing with not just their potential future re sale value)
Maybe your husband should apply to go on Judge Rinder to sue them. Rob Rinder seems like the sort of guy that would understand the value of Star Wars toys and Lego (sentimental and financial).

She sounds like a piece of work. What’s her relationship like with your children in general? How strange and sad that she wouldn’t want them to play with the toys, they could have still then been passed on to DD’s children if she did go on to have any. I’d just keep my distance.

@Theothername where did you get that information from?
Old Lego is perfectly fine.

There must be more to this. What’s your DH’s take on it?

Is it possible there had been a conversation before you were on the scene where PIL were going to get rid of them, your future-DH said he didn’t want them, and future-SIL asked them to be kept for her?

Old Lego is fine, old cars etc might have lead in the paint.

Totally with you on this one. Just save it in the memory bank for when shes elderly and needs care. It’s her own dd’s responsibility.
However, as usual where was your dh in all of this? He should have stepped in to say that he didn’t accept his dm treating his dw as a second class citizen. They were his toys and his dc were entitled to them more than his sister (her dc entitled to her toys).
Too often there are dil/mil tensions and the dh/ds completely absolves himself of all responsibility or involvement. As women, we have to stop taking responsibility for our mil if our dh’ won’t step up themselves. step away.

MIL does sound like she had a favourite, but in this case I’d be glad I didn’t have the contents of her loft given to me. Is your husband bothered?

How does she treat her kids in other situations? If she treats your husband unfairly and it bothers him, then he should challenge her about it and/or take a step back from her.

@Needmorelego @Abitorangelooking

cadium in red and yellow bricks manufactured between 1963 and 1980 has raised concern as its carcinogenic. There are varying views whether it leaches out and is a health concern or primarily an environmental one.

@Theothername yes Lego has done their own research about it.
The secondhand market is still huge and Lego have never told people not to stop using it.

Your DH should definitely ask for them and then sell them.

Old Lego can be worth a good amount of the sets are complete.

such a shame you never felt able to let your grandsons wear or play with them

Yeah I think I'd say this then try and move on. It is pretty crap that she didn't want "your side" having it even temporarily! But at least you knew from the start...

@CovertPiggery I read it as they've already been sold 🙁