Embarrassing Doctor Stories

[OooSorryDoctor]

Lighthearted….. I went for a 4 mile walk the other week (5 weeks postpartum and not 100% my idea) and could barely walk the next day. Cue painkillers and a day in bed, until a mysterious rash appeared in the exact spot my knee was throbbing. Husband was concerned and said he’d never seen a rash like it, so better submit a picture to our local GP practice.

Long story short they called me in for an urgent appointment and within seconds I was diagnosed with a heat rash from using a hot water bottle 😆 cue a very embarrassed me apologizing for wasting her time 🙈🙈

Make me feel less embarrassed, what’s your best facepalm doctor story?

What is extra funny is that @MudandParsnips didnt actually tell him she hadn’t especially curated her slideshow with heart-rending musical accompaniment in order to showcase her plight.

I can just imagine the plaintive ring of the panpipe in that Gheorghe Zamfir lonely shepherd piece: doooom doooom, dooom doooom, doooom dooom dooom doom, dooom DOooOOOOOOooooooom. He probably stills laughs about it!

It not pathetic. Its ok to want to have some comfort. Women should not be made feel pathetic when they need a bit of support and understanding.

I don't get this one. What scar?

Had to have a Mirena check six weeks after insertion under a general anaesthetic with a gynae.
Doc was lovely but after 10 minutes of searching she had to don the miner‘s light and go rummaging, apparently I have a tilted uterus. No joy. Then I had to perform some gymnastics to help her. She finally found the strings and I shouted HOORAY, probably a bit too loudly because when I left the room I got some very odd looks from people in the waiting area.

I was having a sweep, and as the midwife inserted her finger, her phone burst loudly into life with the theme from Dr. Who. Have since always had an image of the tardis swooping its way through a vagina vortex!

Thought my daughter had glass imbedding in her foot. Middle of the pandemic - called the GP and freaked out. Lovely GP met me in the surgery carpark to examine her foot (all 3 of us masked up... dr in PPE... hand sanitiser at the ready).
Verruca.

You can get grazes from childbirth which don't need stitching, but I assume still leave some scarring?
I suppose if they are high in the vagina and aren't causing excessive bleeding they would go unnoticed.

nb not a medical person.

If you ever watch Dr Beachgem on Tiktok she talks about this. A baby came in with blue lips - had been chewing a blue glove!

Hmmmm, it's almost like you would be happy for him to have told this story to his mates down the pub.

I had just given birth to my daughter, and was still numb from the epidural. I was bleeding heavily, and the nurse said it was due to my bladder being so full so they would need to drain it.

They put a catheter in while I was layed on my back with my legs akimbo, and it squirted out like a fountain into the bowl the nurse was holding, stopping just short of overflowing.

She then massaged my stomach to get my uterus to contract, whilst I continuously and very loudly farted due to the pressure. Poor woman, all I could do was laugh and apologise.

I was on a ward with 3 other women, with just the curtain between us. Thankfully I'll never see them again!

Thank you so much for the info about beetroot! Let's just say you've put my mind at rest! 😉

I had to have a scan under contrast dye which is really toxic and causes vomiting.
Don't eat beetroot before having toxic contrast dye and vomiting in front of the nurse.

Thankfully the nursery staff told me my baby son had eaten a bit of purple crayon when I collected him, otherwise I would have had a VERY nasty shock at nappy change time!

Went for an ultrasound on my boob in a large hospital room and the nurse told me to take my top and bra off behind a curtained off corner of the room then go and lay down. I stood there topless thinking ffs I’ve got to walk towards 2 people with my saggy tits out. As I came out there was a look of surprise on their faces and it felt like the longest walk of my life even though only about 10 steps.

Getting dressed after I notice a sign in small font on a piece of white paper on a white wall saying “please use paper towels to cover yourself”. Should’ve worn my bloody glasses. I cringe every time I think about it, they must’ve thought I was so brazen when in reality I hate my boobs and was mortified!

PP has explained the scar was from a childhood injury. (Didnt say where the scar was though).

Had caesarian with DS, in recovery room afterwards cooing over our beautiful new baby, I remember getting really grumpy with the couple in the next bay because the baby had pood and it absolutely stank and was spoiling our magical moment. I called the nurse over all stroppy to ask them to change the nappy.... Nope- the baby hadn't shit herself... I HAD!!! obviously couldn't feel anything from waist down and had no idea it had happened.

OOH, hearing the stories about tampons being left in makes me want to share these.

https://people.com/health/16-year-old-girl-dies-toxic-shock-syndrome-tampon-use/
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/mum-six-no-health-conditions-32800669
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12486083/Woman-nearly-died-left-tampon-in.html
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12486083/Woman-nearly-died-left-tampon-in.html

At least the edible glitter my DS nursery gave him was obviously glitter!

Hehe, I had similar with my late, lamented male Staffie. I was sitting on my sofa at home with a friend, chatting. Jasper jumped up and lay down between us. My friend looked at him, shrieked "HE'S GOT TITS!" and dropped his mug of tea. And he was a nurse as well; you'd think he'd know... 🤔

Jasper also involved me in further veterinary embarrassment - he started a phase of getting erections whenever he saw me after being temporarily apart. It then developed to a point where they were taking a long time to go down and were clearly causing him pain. I'd developed a rapport with the local vet, as Jasper's predecessor had had cancer and so I was a regular visitor, so I felt relatively unembarrassed to discuss the matter with him (I was much younger then and very self-conscious). We arrived at the surgery, only to find that the vet was in hospital, having had the sh-t kicked out of him by a horse on a farm visit that morning. An impossibly handsome locum was there in his place, with whom I had to have a detailed and mortifying discussion about the dog's inappropriate affections for me and his problematic priapism.

Awful.

Episiotomy? {"Is that how it's spelled?} a cut made during giving birth?
Sometimes there is a small natural tear that is stitched up.

Staffies {and other male dogs do get erections with general excitement- I met a beautiful young Whippet on a walk who got his lipstick out 💄 at the offer of a treat- he was sitting like a good boy for his treat, and I noticed!

Broke my toe, went to GP who then decided to wiggle my other toes and sing “this little piggy” whilst looking me in the eye. Wanted to 🤮

I shit myself during labour 🙂

not me, but my daughter. I was out for dinner with my husband and our friends, and my whatsapp beeped (live in a different country from our children, so talk thru whatsapp) I knew she had a doc appointment that day and she was nervous. They were removing her coil as her husband had the snip and had passed his all clear test. I said...excuse me to my husband and our friends, but just going to play this to make sure she is ok. To which the recording was " MA!!!!! Fuck me !! She can't find my coil. Said my vag ate it!!!! have to go for an ultrasound now. Call you later. " Even though I didn't have speaker on.. Pretty sure that the tables next to us heard it too!! Husband just went a little off color but I was trying not to laugh lol

They should have told you, in person, when giving you inśtructions. Plus they shouldnt have given you any weird looks.

In my home country you would be expected to walk topless (or bottom less) across the room and would be given likely more than a look if you wanted to cover yourself.