To not want DP to sleep in separate bedroom?

[FirstBabySnnorer]

27 weeks pregnant, I've started snoring (quite badly apparently and consistently). DP went to sleep in the other room last night and is now planning to do this every night. My snoring is keeping him awake...

I get it, I'm a light sleeper too. I HATE it when he snores (it happens very rarely). Ear plugs don't help, he's tried. Again, I get that, I'm the same!!

But...I just want him to somehow suck it up. AIBU? Probably.

I'm so sad. 12 weeks of throwing up 24/7, then PGP from week 18, I'm really struggling. And this just makes me feel so shit and alone, I'm so done being pregnant.

Anyone else found herself sleeping alone for the whole of the third trimester?

YABVVVVVVVVVVU!

Obviously you can't expect your dh to go without sleep for 12 weeks. He will need every second of sleep he can get.

Perhaps appreciate the fact you have a nice big cool bed with lots of space to yourself. If your little one is a baby who demands to sleep on top of you, it may be the last time you get the opportunity for a while. 🙂

Apologies … I love my DH

But when he’s snoring … it’s the worst ever. The worst. No amount of ear plugs can solve for it. Or sleeping under a pillow. Or trying to re-position him mid-snore. Etc.

Separate beds are the way to go to maintain (my) sanity in our house when he is going through a bout of snoring - whether has a cold etc

I appreciate being on the other side of it is rough, but sleep deprivation is awful

I know. You are right of course. Of all the things pregnancy could hit me with, I really hadn't expected to have to sleep alone for the last 3 months😭

Sorry, it sounds like you are having a tough pregnancy, and this is just adding to things, but, yes, you are being unreasonable over him sleeping in another room so that he can get some sleep.

His need is legit, but make sure you are both finding space for your legit needs also.
Like maybe going to bed together 15 mins early for extra hugs, and then he can go off to the spare.
Or setting an alarm 15 mins early so he can come back to bed with you for morning hugs.
You shouldn't feel that you are being blamed or shamed for snoring, just figure out ways that take into account both your needs.

I am uncomfortable so you need to be too is what you are trying to say, yes it is unfair

I’m sorry but from my POV he has to suck it up. I was snoring so bad during my pregnancy, I once woke myself up, thought was my husband and shouted at him until I realised he was fully awake and working on his laptop. He couldn’t sleep but was there for me and didn’t complain once.

I don't think she is saying "I'm suffering so he gotta suffer"
I think she is saying "I'm struggling and feeling super lonely"
Op, he needs to find ways to make you feel loved and appreciated and also get his sleep time (which he needs). Could be extra hugs in the evening, coffee together in bed in the morning... anything that works for you both

I remember getting to the 27/28 week mark and feeling like I’d be pregnant forever. Uncomfortable, tired, hot and sore but also birth and a baby seeming far into the future. It’s not of course but it feels it.

I can also relate to the feelings of loneliness, I think pregnancy can be strangely isolating.

The snoring may rectify itself [flowere]

So YOU didn't like being woken up by snoring and shouted at him, but once you found out it was actually your own snoring, and it had clearly woken HIM up, you thought he should just 'suck it up'?
That's not very fair, is it?

Sleep deprivation is grim and nobody should have to suck it up or put up with nights of disturbed sleep just because they have a needy partner. I was uncomfortable & fidgety in the last couple of months of pregnancy, I was disturbing DH who had to be up for work, so I went in the spare room. Better for him, and better for me knowing I wasn't keeping him awake as well as myself.

Why should he suck it up when you have another room and you can both sleep comfortably? Be reasonable op

My dp & I don’t sleep in the same bed for various reasons but we do go to bed together & cuddle for 15+ minutes before separating for sleep & set the alarm a bit early so we have morning cuddles before getting up- that way the only bit we are apart for is sleeping & there’s still lots of intimacy & affection.

😕

Surely you know this is unreasonable.

The op is not a puppy

Have you tried the snore strips that you put across the bridge of your nose? And would he be prepared to try earplugs? These might be worth a try, but if these sorts of things don't work, then you'll need to accept him moving to another room. I tend to start in our bed, and then shifty over in the night to the spare room. Not always because he snores, but because I'm a contrary sleeper!

Why does @Cardamomandlemons post treat her like a puppy? It's what I would want if my DH decided he didn't want to sleep next to me for a while.

I'm pregnant and can relate to feeling strangely isolated. The world treats you very differently to before and hugs before/after sleep would be my minimum for helping stay connected as a couple

Yep we did. Don't forget the fact you get to the point you are waking up for a wee every hour which would also wake him up.

Our DS is 8 weeks and we are still in separate rooms! Partly because he drives regularly for work (although he has been really poorly which is the current reason, rather than the driving)

I love having the whole bed!

Why don’t you go to bed together and spend time together in one bed before he moves into the spare room? My husband and I often do this especially if one of us has a busy day or early start lined up the following day.

Yeah I think YABU. This period of time is difficult enough all round as it is and sleep is key. If this is what needs to happen for you both to get sleep, then accept it.
My partner and I slept separately a lot due to the fact that he snored and if he had even 1 can of beer I could smell it and made me feel so sick! After 26 weeks of meds for Hyperemesis I was so done!
Unfortunately it's a difficult time to navigate but you just need to find a system that works for you. Sending hugs as it really isn't easy.

YABU. He does not need 'to be there for you' while you are sleeping and snoring. He's only in the other room. You are being precious.

Get a massive pregnancy pillow to cuddle and get comfy with.

Agree with this. You're about to be a parent, time act like a grown up.

When you're asleep you don't know he's there or not. Sleeping in separate rooms doesn't preclude lots and lots of cuddels(and sex if you're up for it). Indeed, getting a decent night's sleep will probably help on both of those counts.

I'm 30 weeks on from where you are and think you should both get as much sleep as you can while you can!!

Also a good opportunity to work out what you need to make the spare room livable as you'll both be getting use out of it when the baby arrives...

Oh the joy, they help make it but don't have to deal with the shit bits.

Let him have his own bed but you don't have to be happy for him.