To not want DP to sleep in separate bedroom?

[FirstBabySnnorer]

27 weeks pregnant, I've started snoring (quite badly apparently and consistently). DP went to sleep in the other room last night and is now planning to do this every night. My snoring is keeping him awake...

I get it, I'm a light sleeper too. I HATE it when he snores (it happens very rarely). Ear plugs don't help, he's tried. Again, I get that, I'm the same!!

But...I just want him to somehow suck it up. AIBU? Probably.

I'm so sad. 12 weeks of throwing up 24/7, then PGP from week 18, I'm really struggling. And this just makes me feel so shit and alone, I'm so done being pregnant.

Anyone else found herself sleeping alone for the whole of the third trimester?

OP have you tried snoring strips?

If not, they could be worth a try, they're cheap and no risks to using them while pregnant.

I snore and DP says they do improve it.

Would your DP do a trial night with the you wearing snoring strips to see if they work?

Sorry, yabu. Sleeping with a snorer is a nightmare.
It won't be forever, the snoring will most likely resolve after the birth.

Hes only next door, YABVU expecting his sleep to be so disrupted for 3 months just so he can be in the same room as you.

YABVU!

Of course he shouldn’t have to be kept up all night by your snoring when there is a spare room free. Sleep deprivation for 12 weeks unnecessarily is totally bonkers - you’ll both have obligatory further sleep deprivation for a further 1+ years once the baby is here.

It’s not so bad sleeping alone - I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal? Why on earth does it need crying emojis?

I really don’t get the punitive view someone posted earlier, I’m pregnant so suck it up. Of course he should sleep in the other room, lack of sleep is a form of torture, you can sleep alone it’s not a huge deal is it.

Yes, of course you are being unreasonable. Especially as you’ve experienced the hell of sleeping with a snorer and are expecting him to put up with it

You will hopefully be asleep most of the night, so how will you know if he is there or not.

Try and embrace both of you having an uninterrupted night sleep - it will change soon!

YabVu. Sleep is important. Hang out with him before bed then you won’t feel so lonely.
He should be able to sleep - there’s no point in him also having disturbed sleep, he’ll be in a better position to support you if he’s had a decent sleep.
I go and sleep in the spare room if dh is snoring, why the hell would I lie there being unable to sleep when there’s an alternative which means we both get to sleep properly?

It wouldn’t bother me. Many more sleepless nights and compromises are on the horizon. Try to look on the positive side he will be well rested ready for the baby and night feeds.

Of COURSE YABVVVU, and also selfish. Lack of sleep is used as a form of torture. I am stressed, angry, low, depressed, and snappy, and HIDEOUS to be around if I don't get my sleep. And I can barely function properly if it's a serious lack of sleep. It's not even safe for me to drive...

I wonder how I managed when DD was little/a baby, AND I was working 3 days a week, and I got about 4-6 hours sleep a night. Probably just about coped because I was much younger. (It was 30 years ago now.)

Let him sleep in the spare room @FirstBabySnnorer and stop being selfish. Poor bloke. Being made to feel guilty for wanting some sleep! It wouldn't surprise me if he stayed in the spare room. I would!

I too have started snoring with my second pregnancy !!! I even wake myself up sometimes with the noise 😬 If you're a light sleeper, before leaving the room does he try nudging you awake so you can try and change position and stop snoring? That's what my husband does and it tends to work. I do the same with him when he snores xx

This is unbelievably selfish. What the actual fuck!?

You're pregnant, not on deaths door.

I totally get you. I'm around the same time in my pregnancy, yeah I'd be gutted if I was having to sleep alone. I'm having serious issues with hip pain, DP has to keep helping me stand up becuase I can't move my legs from the pain. He complains (very little bless him) that I sleep with my leg on top of him, I think it's fair that this pregnancy causes him a very small amount of discomfort when I'm the one going through allll the shit.

Can you try to change your sleeping position? I find sleeping propped sat up to be so much more comfortable. Or agree that he comes to bed to cuddle or watch a bit TV together before he goes to bed.

@Nottherealslimshady You can get support cushions for this hip problem.

A pillow between the legs can help here.

This. ^ 'You aren't sleeping a single moment because of my snoring, but suck it up buttercup! You are STAYING IN THIS ROOM with ME' Surely no-one thinks this in real life!

Also, even if I WAS at death's door, I would still be happy for DH to sleep in another room if my snoring was keeping him awake!

Why do (some) people get so massively hung up on HAVING to sleep in the same bedroom as their partner?! Many couples have separate bedrooms, and get the most awesome sleep - without their partner snoring, sniffing, coughing, grunting, farting, and rolling about the bed squashing them, and hogging the duvet. Separate rooms is lush. The worst suggestion on this type of thread is 'earplugs!' The answer (on Mumsnet) to every problem!

Just make sure he isn't planning on staying there once you have the baby as well to avoid his sleep being disturbed then as well.
As he sounds like he might do if he can't even go to sleep in the same room with you and just move when he's disturbed. Rather than start off the night in a separate room..

Can you ask for a compromise where he sleeps with you when he doesn't have work? Maybe you could sleep with some white noise or the TV on or something to try and drown it out? I wouldn't like the idea of sleeping alone for three months either!

I didn't realise the effect of not having a good nights sleep was having on me, until my DP got his Cpap machine. I've lost weight, my blood pressure has gone down, I'm calmer and my vertigo has gone. More worryingly I'd thought that I had developed ingestion, but that's now gone, so I wonder if my heart was being affected. If the issue is solvable, then it should be solved.

38+5 here and I’ve been begging my husband to sleep in different rooms as I’m also snoring. I offered to go, he said no, asked him to go, he declined, and I feel awful every morning when he looks tired.
It’s not ideal, and it does suck sleeping alone, but you both need to be comfortable and rested for when baby comes.

I totally get how you feel OP. On mumsnet people always seem to say it doesn’t matter if you don’t sleep in the same bed. But I would absolutely hate not sleeping in the same bed as my husband. For me it’s about intimacy and connection and it couldn’t be replaced by seeing each other in the morning and the evening. Hugs x

Obviously he isn't pregnant, but my DH started snoring as a result of a medical issue and it was maddening. I really, really wanted us to sleep in the same bed so we tried everything. Pillows, snore strips, white noise, sleep headphones, earplugs, throat spray, nasal spray, sleep hypnosis, sleepy tea... You name it we tried it.
Ultimately, we ended up starting in the same bed and if his snoring was bad before I fell asleep, I went in the spare room. If he woke me up snoring, he'd go in the spare room.
If there were nights where we were truly exhausted or needed a good night's sleep (ie before a long drive or something), then we'd just go in separate rooms from the start.
It's not ideal BUT it is temporary.
DH had his medical problem resolved, he still snores a bit but now earplugs work because it's not that bad.

I know it can feel shit not to sleep with your partner and you end up feeling like you're missing out on intimacy, but as long as you make an effort to fit it in elsewhere in the day and keep talking, you'll be fine

Me. Slept without DH for 3rd and 4th trimesters. YABVU, how can he have energy to take care of you when hugely pregnant or with a newborn if he gets no proper sleep?

@Fatotter @RubyBeaker
A pillow is helping but I'm having pretty major issues, so it's marginally better, the open and high lift on his body really helps. I don't think it's unfair for him to be a little uncomfortable to help me with intense pain caused by our growing baby.

I don't think it's wrong to expect your partner and father of your child to be affected by your pregnancy and to look after you and prioritise you when they don't have to do any part of the pregnancy or labour.

I doubt there's much intimacy and connection in sleeping next to someone sounding like a foghorn.