To not want DP to sleep in separate bedroom?

[FirstBabySnnorer]

27 weeks pregnant, I've started snoring (quite badly apparently and consistently). DP went to sleep in the other room last night and is now planning to do this every night. My snoring is keeping him awake...

I get it, I'm a light sleeper too. I HATE it when he snores (it happens very rarely). Ear plugs don't help, he's tried. Again, I get that, I'm the same!!

But...I just want him to somehow suck it up. AIBU? Probably.

I'm so sad. 12 weeks of throwing up 24/7, then PGP from week 18, I'm really struggling. And this just makes me feel so shit and alone, I'm so done being pregnant.

Anyone else found herself sleeping alone for the whole of the third trimester?

More likely to cause resentment and fantasies of pillows on faces.

Stop taking it as a rejection. He's just being practical.
Enjoy having the bed to yourself and getting a full nights sleep while you can.

Well that's me told. Don't worry everyone, the man got a great night sleep last night.

Exactly this. People go on about how close and 'intimate' it is sleeping in the same bed as their husband - and how you are soooo much closer, and how it's soooo romantic, and all that jazz.

But the reality is that many people snore (loudly,) most people fart in bed, people toss and turn and grab the duvet, and grunt, and moan, and cough, and breathe heavy, and hog most of the bed sometimes.

Sleeping together is anything but intimate and romantic in the real world. After a few years it's pretty shit, and separate bedrooms is waaaaay better.

I don't know how or why people think 2 grown adults sharing a 4ft X 6ft bed to sleep in - for LIFE - is a good idea. IMO it's a terrible idea. It's not conducive to good sleep, at all, and is very bad for your mental and physical health.

Wait till baby is here!

(mine worked away when I was pregnant/DD was little so I slept alone 5 nights out of 7 anyway).

That sounds very sad for you and, until this point, absolutely not my reality.

Nice try. There is nothing SAD about having your own bedroom, so you can get lovely luscious contented sleep, have your own space and quietness, and be healthy and happy.

Maybe you should let your husband try it and stop insisting he stays in the same bedroom as you. You are being remarkably unfair and selfish. The poor man can't sleep because of your snoring, and you're guilt tripping him into sleeping with you! Why? WHY must he be in the same bedroom? And he's not sleeping with you anyway, coz he can't sleep because of your loud snoring!!! Poor man is going to be ill!

Just because you think it's 'the norm' and people will judge you for sleeping apart, you are putting your husband's health at risk. People will judge you for forcing and manipulating your husband into sharing a room with you (even though he can't sleep, because of you snoring like a foghorn.) And people will know, because he will tell them. I'm gonna call it now. He will carry on sleeping in the spare room after baby comes along. And good for him.

I slept in DC's room for first few months bc EBF on demand. I have stayed in the spare room as I can't bear DH's snoring. I probably get at least an hour's less sleep than him on nights when we share a bed (eg if I wake up for a wee I then can't get back to sleep) and I'm just not prepared to be that cross and exhausted all the time.

Thats good hope he gets another good nights sleep.

@nupnup well no wonder 90% o this forum is women complaining form ‘useless’ ‘selfish’ men that don’t help and they created themselves. In my view you start as you mean to go on- and it starts with pregnancy. We all know how much pregnancy sucks- I personally didn’t have a good night sleep since I was about 6ish weeks. It helped my DH understand that my deprivation didn’t starts when baby was born, it started 3/4 of a year earlier. So it was his turn to step up when baby was born, and yes, he worked. But for goodness sake, it’s his baby too; why should he get unbothered and restful sleep and be treated like a human while I grow his (and my) baby and suffer 24/7 for months??? And many men use this excuse to continue getting the rest they want and need once their kids are born.

I loved sleeping alone when pregnant 😂

yes you ABU having no sleep is miserable..as you will find out in a few months time!

@PeloMom

But for goodness sake, it’s his baby too; why should he get unbothered and restful sleep and be treated like a human while I grow his (and my) baby and suffer 24/7 for months???

FFS, I've heard it all now! 😂 What a weird, selfish, batshit, ludicrous attitude to have. 'I am getting disturbed sleep, so you must get yours disturbed too.' Are you actually for real right now?! 😆

And the OP is getting sleep just fine, it's her poor HUSBAND who can't get it because of her snoring like a foghorn!

Get treated for the PGP by a practitioner on this website www.pelvicpartnership.org.uk

My husband is a perfectly behaved sleeper, no snoring, no farting, not hogging or groping…. And I still adore it when he’s not there. I sleep SO MUCH BETTER. I requested he sleep in a spare room when I was pregnant and it was utterly dreamy.

I asked a question, I was told YABU, and have confirmed that DP got to go have his sleep. This is now just a fucking pile on. Hope the posters calling me remarkably unfair and selfish go fuck themselves.

I made it clear how much I'm struggling and came on here to check with others after my "poor" DP had ONE night of shit sleep.

But let's all pile on the pregnant woman because it's all anonymous so who gives a fuck. Please keep it going, I'd love to keep reading theories about how horrible I must be from complete strangers.

In case you aren’t already, you should be sleeping on your side at this point in pregnancy. Snoring is less likely in this position.

Agree with the others that you should have a nice bedtime routine of cuddles and chats and then let him go sleep in the other room. I slept alone for my third trimester because I was up every hour to go to the toilet or because I had hip pain and I felt terrible about waking my husband up constantly. It was actually a relief because I could do whatever I wanted - snore, change position 100 times, have a snack - and not have to worry about someone else’s sleep.

Omg I'd have loved my own bed for third trimester!!! Enjoy it seriously.
Also YABU if he can't sleep it makes complete sense for him to be in the spare room, you both need to sleep as much as you can before you have a newborn!

Sleep depreciation is used as torture for a reason. Totally and utterly unfair to any anyone to be deprived for weeks just because you d prefer not to sleep alone:

100% this. ^ If one partner is keeping the other awake, then the obvious and sensible thing to do is to have separate bedrooms. (If you have a spare bedroom, which the OP does!) As I said earlier, I don't know why some people get so hung up on HAVING to share a bed and a bedroom. Lots of couples don't. Especially the middle and upper classes. Having your own cosy, private space, and lovely uninterrupted sleep is LUSH!

I used to know a woman (around 15 years ago,) who had been married 38-40 years at the time, and she complained EVERY DAY about her noisy, annoying, LOUD snoring husband keeping her awake at night with his snoring, and how she was SO cold because he hogged the duvet. Yet even though they had 2 spare bedrooms, BOTH with beds in, she refused to sleep separately, because 'what will people think?!' 😮

Utterly UTTERLY batshit! Putting herself through that torture for the sake of appearances. 🙄

I think you’re NBU. hope you’re getting lots of love from DP during this difficult time, OP. I’d feel miserable lying in bed without DH, and I haven’t got a little human kicking me from inside!

DH used to snore like a chainsaw till a doctor advised him to wear a pyjama jacket with a ping pong ball sewn into the back, to make him turn over when he rolled on his back. It worked for him. I don’t know if it’s suitable in pregnancy.

Best of luck to all three of you, I hope all goes well for you xx

Can you tell him you miss him and have a cuddle in a bed so you can fall a sleep like that and then he can move to other bed?
And can he wake you up in the morning with a cuddle and spend some time in bed with you?

We had few nights per month of separated sleeping when children were growing teeth/grow sppurts etc. and going to bed together and then one person going to another room worked really well.
We are quite physical couple so sleeping together is part of intimacy for us.
Also, we talked a lot how we miss being together all night.

Don't worry about bizarre comments, somw people just don't get that what works for them is not the norm.

I couldnt sleep next to a snorer. I'ts too aggravating & Id be a wreck the day. I sympathise OP, but suffering from sleep deprivation is no joke

Honestly , when you can’t sleep because the person next to you snores from the minute they close their eyes it is horrendous. I spent probably the best part of 15 years moving from bed to sofa to child’s bed if they were out. I used to stress if we went away and there wasn’t anywhere I could move to .!What finally helped were custom made earplugs , and he got a cpap machine . Which sounded like Darth Vader to begin with , but they have improved over the years. Try to enjoy your big cool bed

If we’d done that he would have fallen asleep in minutes and I’d have to move 🤣

And how would they even know!