Dealing with a Toxic VERY Difficult person at Work

[didficultemployee]

Hey everyone, NC just to be sure this is confidential

I'm in a bit of a tricky situation at work and could really use some advice. I'm supposed to be working in partnership with a senior colleague. Technically, I manage this person, but we are both very senior in the company. Here's the problem: this colleague cannot take being told what to do. Everything has to be sugarcoated and glossed over. Additionally, their productivity is slow.

Anytime I try to address these issues, it turns into a huge conflict, no matter how diplomatically I approach it. I believe it's a cultural fit issue, but changing things now is not an option without first trying to resolve.

Does anyone have any tactics or strategies for managing someone like this? How do you handle a senior colleague who resists feedback, especially when it comes to their productivity and performance targets?

Figure out what drives / motivates them and play authentically into that.

@Alittlelostinlifeisi They say they want to 'add value' but the issue is - their idea of adding value doesn't tie up with mine

I’m not sure you can change someone’s attitude. You can try motivating them and rewarding accordingly, but ultimately some people cannot take criticism and are unable to hold themselves accountable.

It sounds like he doesn’t either realise or believe that you are managing him. So, I guess you’ll continue to get resistance at least until that is made clear. If you can’t get him to accept management from you I would let him be seen to fail. You continue to do your work to a high standard. If you stop wasting your time trying to manage him you’ll have more time/energy for your own work. I’d there someone above you both that you could talk to about the issue?

You really need management training from your company. The very worst way to manage is to be directive, and this is what you are doing. I don’t think a MN thread is the best medium for setting out different mgmt strategies, but might be a good idea to do some research yourself, for example, kpi’s, goal orientation ( not simply telling someone what to do.)
Good luck!

You either manage this person or you don’t… that’s the first problem.

Once you figure that out then it will set the direction.

Set goals and time lines and tasks and track them. Don’t be woolly. Be focused with clear directives related to KPIs and measurable outputs and outcomes. Surely you have tools for this?
Set out a matrix and deliver against it with task and finish groups?

Thanks for feedback. I recently overhauled to KPI's and that was met with resistance. Even to the point where I haven't sent them in writing because of the reaction - it just makes me unable to work. Someone said rather than telling people what to do, so updating KPIs is still an issue.

I think I need to make the KPI very firm and rigid and then leave them to their own devices and as another post said they either meet them or fail. At the point of failure if that happens then I will have to make to relevant decisions

Many sympathies but no answers. I had this sort of situation and no management support and ended up leaving. Hope you have a better outcome.

In terms of their productivity, are they actually reaching their goals? If you're both senior, how long have you both been in your current roles and are they fully aware that you line manage them? I'm just asking given you mentioned working in partnership - which suggests equals. Did you go for the same role and are you 'telling' them, or are you framing it in a more positive way? I'll be honest and say I hate being told what to do, but I'm quite happy to be asked to do something. Fortunately, I'm in that position less now - and I'm always careful to make sure the people I line manage are comfortable with what they're doing, as well as actually getting the job done. If this is a fairly new situation, maybe it just needs some settling in time.

@CountryMumof4 sorry I wasn't clear but it's not really a partnership. It's definitely clear that I manage them but they are supposed to be a support

@CountryMumof4 not currently getting goals, although some of this was down to limited resources which could be argued is not their responsibility. But the way they handle it is not like they're looking for ways to solve it, and also their reluctance to part of the KPIs came out recently but i haven't said anything as i just figured the results are either there or they're not so I'll just wait and see - I'm probably taking the easy route but I don't have answers.

How do you get a job done without telling people what to do? I appreciate it's how you tell them but people aren't mind readers?!

What?!

The very worst way to manage is to be directive

OP I recommend submitting this to Allison at Askamanager.com.

I think she will tell you this person needs direct communication, a chance to change and that ultimately they probably won’t work out.

That definitely sounds tricky. If they've got KPIs, they need to meet them whether they like it or not. It sounds like maybe a bit of jealousy on their part, or just pure laziness. It's definitely hard for you, as I'm sure you'll feel their failings will reflect badly on you. Keep a record of everything you're suggesting and implementing with them - if they don't improve, at least you'll be able to show exactly what support etc. you've had in place for them. Dates/times of meetings, a record of the tasks you've set them and any additional training you've provided and so on. Good to have a paper trail in place for if it's needed.

@CountryMumof4 agree, thanks for the advice. I think I need to bite the bullet and put VERY clear KPI's in place, regular catchups (despite the fact they be awkward) and then review it in time and go from there. And if they're not being met after that then deal with accordingly

@AliceOlive thank you! I agree, how can you NOT be directive as then people accuse you of not giving clear instructions!

@Mulloffuckintyre you've hit the nail on the head. They're trying to making things friendship/consultative.

I think that's a sensible way of approaching it. I've had a similar situation recently and it ended up being escalated to HR. Given I could show exactly what had been said/the extra support that was given/everything documented, it meant that they were fully on board with my concerns. It's definitely frustrating! Hope all goes ok!

Maybe it’s a generational thing. I’ve heard some odd things recently. Like a friend’s company no longer limits time off at all, because gen z didn’t like the restrictions. 🤷‍♀️

It might not tie up with yours but it obviously does (or has done) to the company if they are senior? What value can they bring? Their productivity may be slower than your expectations but are they meeting the needs of the job? I do think there is probably value in you reflecting on yourself and your expectations?

In my experience, senior people in organisations don't like directive approaches. You give your vision and red lines and then treat them like an adult professional and let them get on with it. Check in and set expectations obviously but just because someone isn't doing exactly like you would it doesn't mean that it's necessarily wrong. This is where diversity of thought comes in - be willing to compromise and reflect on yourself and your leadership/management style.

@MotherofChaosandDestruction they're not meeting the needs and if I try and bring it up - all hell breaks loose. This is the problem this person doesn't want to be told anything

Also to add, they check my whereabouts and ask me about them. Not in a 'where are you going' way but oh you're doing this tomorrow aren't you etc - it drives me mad.

Does anyone else check their managers whereabouts? Or am I being too dramatic about this, I just feel again it's as someone else said they don't understand the boundaries

How long have you worked with this person, and are they older/younger than you?

I have a new boss, who is much younger than me, and disregards my experience in my post and method of working. Outcomes are good, but my way of getting to them differs from theirs. Their immature approach to managing people shines through.

Document EVERYTHING.