To think it’s selfish for parents to retire early when their kids are renting?

[Lesbeavinu]

Dh has decided he is going to retire at 59. He has a great government pension and private pension/savings. He earns a decent £50k a year (same as me) and we have no mortgage.

I said that dh should continue working for another year or 18 months and gift the money to dd for a flat deposit.

It might be selfish, but that doesn't make it wrong. Most parents spend their children's young lives (until they are adults at least) being completely selfless - putting the needs of their children first (as they should). Once they have reached adulthood, many of us still make sacrifices, but it's okay to put yourself first.

I’m another who thinks the OP is the daughter. Assuming he’s 59 now, DH is hardly ‘in his prime’. He’s worked his whole life, made provision for his retirement and now he wants to retire. If OP is his DD then it’s clear that this is what she wants him to do, and with this level of entitlement I would doubt very much that she’d be involved with care in later life, beyond picking up the phone to social services.

OP says she earns the same as DH in her first post.

He earns a decent £50k a year (same as me) and we have no mortgage.

this!

The idea that I should fund my DC just so they will look after me in my later years is revolting. I nursed my dad in his last years with cancer without receiving a single penny ( no complaints there. I don't want my parents money). I am shortly going to be nursing my mum.

Dh is 56 and very much not in his prime. He is exhausted, having worked since he was 18. I am slightly less exhausted and younger, so I will continue to work when he retires.

I retired in my early 50s am 60 now and have never once been bored.
This perception that if you don't work you'll be bored/depressed is one of the great myths put about to keep people as a cog in the wheel of commerce.

If you are lucky enough to be able to live within your means there is a whole, fabulous, fascinating world out there that doesn't involve putting on a grey suit, schlepping to some God awful, artificially lit workplace and banging out dreary work for 8 hours a day.

You can study, travel, be creative, learn, volunteer, spend time with the people who matter to you, enjoy the small things, train to do something you really love, take in all the culture the world has to offer or anything else that makes life worth living the way you want to live it.

At 59 it's possible to have enough money to live on and the stark reality of time running out starts to play on your mind.

Money isn't everything.

I personally would do this - in fact I will have an 18 year old and a 21 year old at 60 so they will likely still be on the payroll!. My parents gave me nothing. Not when they inherited from their grandparents or parents and so far not in their wills directly either. Their money, their choice, but I NEVER want to be as selfish as them. My financial plans include supporting my kids into adulthood, which is (imo) the point at when life gets tough and a helping hand makes a big difference.

Very few people can afford to retire in their 50s.
The only ones who can seem to be in public sector roles (generous pensions) or who bought property when they were young in a cheap part of the UK. (Excluding the self-employed and people who own businesses.)

It's certainly not going to be an option for young people now who a) have far less pension and b) are often taking out 35 year mortgages.

The retirement age of 65 was established when most people lived for 10 years afterwards. It's not closer to 85.

It's been proved time after time that retirement is bad for health (unless you're digging roads) and people who live longer tend to love their work and keep working.

At 59, and if you have a degree, you have not worked your whole life. He clearly has a fairly cushy well paid job. Not a manual labouring one. The only people we know who have retired before 60 are teachers, doctors and civil servants. We, the taxpayer, mostly pays for this generosity but work longer ourselves. DH is working part time at 70. You can actually be semi retired.

I don’t really care who posted but it’s a luxury to retire at 59. I would prefer to see my DCs with a deposit for a house and we provided a very generous one.

Lots of people here don’t understand starting salaries for grads. Mostly around £30,000 or less. London more but only for high flyers. Rents at least £1000 a month when sharing. Saving becomes very very difficult. Plus one salary gets nowhere near buying anything! Most DC want to swap the rent for a mortgage but without a sizeable deposit, it’s difficult.

We saved for our DC. This dad obviously has his own interests firmly in first place. We prioritised our DC in a very overheated housing market. Nearly everyone we know has done the same. The OP now knows what her dad thinks about her so I’d back off when assistance is needed in the future. Families are two way support.

That's a ridiculous suggestion unless you are very well off indeed. Retirement lump sums aren't for giving away. Obvious the give it all away brigade are nowhere near retirement

It would depend on why he wanted to retire early. Personally I would work to help my child get a leg up. In fact, we should do all we can to ensure our next generation do not end up a burden on the taxpayer.

This!

But the DH is 59, so hardly a major reduction

^^This

The 'other workers' who aren't in the public sector are propping up people( by working/paying tax )in local government roles who have the luxury of retiring before 60.

In the private sector, retirement at 60 with some pension is possible BUT on a greatly reduced pension which would be available at 65.

We gave our DCs the major part of an inheritance from one side of the family to help with house deposits. We could have kept it and maybe retired sooner but we both enjoy(ed) work.

We kept on working. I'm still working p/t (much older than the OP's DH) not because I need the money but for enjoyment and intellectual stimulation.

Yes, it's easy to enjoy retirement if you have money but for someone retiring at 59 if they went to uni, they've worked for 38 years max. They could easily spend another 30 years in retirement.

Pensions were never intended to be for that.

@BeaRF75 Clearly you are utterly out of touch with the cost of housing in the SE and how much a deposit is needed. and @GiveUsABreather

5 years ago I would have said no way, let him retire. Knowing what the world looks like for my kids now, and how much better off you are and probably always will be compared to them, I'd say give them as much as you can.

Pensions were never intended to be for that.

I’m assuming you’re talking about his occupational pension. State pension won’t be payable until 67 at least.

Learn to read.

Selfish? No.
Would it be nice? Sure.

It's interesting that OP didn't answer the many questions if she was working or not.
Makes me suspect she doesn't /wouldn't. I don't think many people would irl, but then this is MN where many posters want to be martyrs to the cause then come on here and complain.

If you can help kids get on the ladder, great. If you can't, or don't want to do the work to be able to, also fine.

It's not selfish to have worked hard for 40+ years and want to stop, especially not if you can afford to.

Read the OP again. She states he earns 50k same as her. So why are so many questioning her work or income?

She has!

It really depends on the situation. He has no obligation to work longer and doesn't owe his child a deposit. If he's capable of providing one and enjoys his job so that he would be happy to keep working for that reason, that's fine, but clearly he feels it's time for him to retire and it's his right to make that choice. For all we know he's finding it hard for whatever reason.

Thanks for sharing!!

I gues for us - we had our kids close by a few mins walk one of them and last 8 years got grandkids

However, there was a man at my workplace - worried re just reitirng at the then 65 as he was alone - I get that - however, seeing him a few months later he said his fears were unjustified

we just left - I say to all, if you can afford it, go for as many pensions as you can - then if you want to leave early, at least you can

The only downside of leaving early or leaving, your bills and spending goes up - but its worth it and income goes down but still worth it