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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s selfish for parents to retire early when their kids are renting?

588 replies

Lesbeavinu · 02/06/2024 22:45

Dh has decided he is going to retire at 59. He has a great government pension and private pension/savings. He earns a decent £50k a year (same as me) and we have no mortgage.

I said that dh should continue working for another year or 18 months and gift the money to dd for a flat deposit.

OP posts:
Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 03/06/2024 07:53

Wellllll..it would be a nice gesture but I don’t think he’s obliged to do it. As pp have said it would be better if you were in a position to do it yourself (not sure why you can’t if you earn the same wage?)

Onemorepenny · 03/06/2024 07:53

If you can afford for him to retire then he should crack on. Enjoy life. Your child will figure out their own way in life.

theresnolimits · 03/06/2024 07:55

BobnLen · 03/06/2024 07:12

Many people prefer renting for the flexibility, only the UK has this ownership obsession.

DS does, he rents a city centre flat which he certainly wouldn't want to buy as they are not the best type of properties for purchasing. He is not interested at the moment in owning a house which he would have to constantly commute into the city from.

This isn’t true. Home ownership across Europe is broadly similar to the UK, except for Germany which has a string rental sector as rents are low and controlled. In fact home ownership in places like Spain is higher than the UK.

This has beeb a generational change due to the benefits of homeownership and and the availability of credit.

grumpypedestrian · 03/06/2024 07:55

It’s definitely unfair to label the younger generation as lazy and entitled, or work shy. That is not the case at all.

Don’t blame or be nasty about them, blame the government that has made it so difficult for people now.

greedisunappealing · 03/06/2024 07:56

Dear OP, you are obviously the daughter who wants your dad to use up a year of the precious time he has left on the earth so you can grab some more cash.

Nobody, nobody at all, is entitled to buy a property. My parents weren't able to do that until they were in their 50s, and they were only able to leave us 26 thousand pounds each from the sale of that when they died, as it was just a humble flat and there were three of us.

We were so incredibly grateful that they left us anything at all. I used to always say to my mum she could leave whatever she had to the cat and dog home if she chose, she owed us absolutely nothing, having already sacrificed so much - as all parents do when they raise their kids.

My mother owed me nothing financially at all - just like your parents owe you absolutely nothing. They've already raised you, looked after you and now it is their turn to enjoy the fruits of their long and arduous labour in any way they see fit.

Even if they were millionaires, they would still owe you sweet eff all.

So, be grateful for any help your parents choose to give you, as millions are in no position to help their kids financially at all.

Understand that buying a house, at any age, is a privilege not a right, work as hard as your parents have and save your own money. Meanwhile, you'll be fine renting, like the majority of people around the western world do.

If you're lucky, your hard working parents may choose to leave you some money when they die.

But there's always the cat and dog home.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 03/06/2024 08:01

Lesbeavinu · 02/06/2024 22:45

Dh has decided he is going to retire at 59. He has a great government pension and private pension/savings. He earns a decent £50k a year (same as me) and we have no mortgage.

I said that dh should continue working for another year or 18 months and gift the money to dd for a flat deposit.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

ohtowinthelottery · 03/06/2024 08:01

Our DS is living back at home to save a deposit for a house. We've funded a Help2Buy account up to £12K for the maximum bonus. The rest he needs to save himself. DH is retiring shortly - we're both a good few years off State Pension age - and we could afford to give DS more money now to buy a house, but he's an adult, and handing him everything on a plate will do him no favours. He needs to earn his own house!

muddyford · 03/06/2024 08:04

My brother is the same age as your DH. Desperate to retire but can't quite afford it for another few years. If he had the money he'd go now, like your DH intends. You can always save up for your DD.

DeeBeeCee · 03/06/2024 08:05

I’m 61 and work in the public sector. Many of my colleagues retire around 60ish. It always strikes me how comparatively ‘old’ some people are at 60. Over the years quite a few people have died within a couple of months of retirement. I think, especially if his parents died quite young he is entitled to take retirement when he wants. You will hardly be destitute.

glittereyelash · 03/06/2024 08:07

Sorry but it's not up to parents to ensure their children get on the property ladder. It's all well and good if you have the means to help but shouldn't be an expectation. Your husband has worked hard and should be allowed to enjoy his retirement. How much have you put aside to give the children or are you just expecting your husband to make the sacrifice?

SwingingPonytail · 03/06/2024 08:08

Rubbishconfession · 02/06/2024 22:51

YABU. Get your own job and pension.

. He earns a decent £50k a year (same as me) and we have no mortgage.

@Rubbishconfession Read the first post?

SwingingPonytail · 03/06/2024 08:11

@Lesbeavinu If he has such a great pension and savings, why can't you give your child money anyway?

There are tax implications whichever way you do it, but you can give away as much as you want from income (and that includes a pension income).

From what you say, there's enough coming in with your salary, his pension and savings.

On the other hand, I think 59 is too young to retire as he could live for another 30 years- doing what to fill his time?

baffld · 03/06/2024 08:11

NameChangeCass · 03/06/2024 05:37

we gifted them money later as they did not ask or expect

so bloody British. Expecting js one thing, but what the hell is wrong with asking for the things you want/ need in life? I think our society would function a hella lot better if we taught our kids it’s ok to ask. (Then equally taught them it’s ok to hear/ say no).

(sorry a bit of a derail of thread topic).

For those of a sandwich generation (finding themselves at some point supporting their and their children), perversely it seems natural to want to help out as much as you can.
The old saw that it's easier to share your last £5 than your last £500 seems to come into play with increasing regularity these days.

Jenepeuxpasdiscuteravecdesstupides · 03/06/2024 08:15

BrioNotBiro · 03/06/2024 07:50

But it's a 'government' (civil service or local government) pension. You can take it at 55 but it is hugely actuarially reduced if taken before a set pension age – probably 60 here.

So if this isn't a wind up, I don't see why he's going at 59 not 60.

What are you talking about?

If you work for the government, you can retire at 55 - 60 and draw your occupational pension. If you work for a company who has provided you with an occupational pension, you can often take this at 55.
Everyone (regardless of previous job, government or not) can take their state pension at 66 onwards (67 for some folk).

So no reason he cannot retire at 59 with his govt pension, then he will get his state pension at the appropriate age

MossyBottomFarm · 03/06/2024 08:15

This has to be a reverse.... You're DD right?

HuongVuong3 · 03/06/2024 08:16

Is it really gen x that need help? My DH and I are gen x, he's 58 and I'm 50 and have been on the housing ladder for decades!

grumpypedestrian · 03/06/2024 08:16

It’s not up to parents, no, and it shouldn’t be.

But the reality is that home ownership is impossible for the younger generation due to house prices, deposits, renting, cost of living and stagnating wages.

But let’s just call them lazy and entitled as it’s easier.

notacooldad · 03/06/2024 08:16

True, 59 is very young. I’d just be worried dh would be bored and get depressed

Why would he get bored and depressed . There's a life to live outside work?
My dad and my two uncles retired at 55. One has since died but they are in their 80s now. They are definitely not bored!.
They cycle , go to the gym, go hiking, swim, go camping virtually every week in the summer, go to art galleries etc. In fact do all tbe things I want to do at the age of 59 but no retirement in sight for me.

Or he could enjoy his retirement, given that he has worked hard for years. And your adultchild can save up for a deposit just like we all had to. This infantilising of capable working adults just because they are your offspring is absolutely crazy..... this gentleman has more than done his bit.
My two sons bought their house when one was 24 which was 3 years ago and the oother at 22, two years ago. Apart from white goods and some furniture that we bought I've not had to give them money and I wouldn't carry on working to fund them.

SapphireSlippers · 03/06/2024 08:17

Rubbishconfession · 02/06/2024 22:51

YABU. Get your own job and pension.

She has, she says she earns 50k

HuongVuong3 · 03/06/2024 08:19

TheFunHasGone · 02/06/2024 23:07

Gen x are age 44-59 , I've never seen a post about them needing money from their parents

Agree, as I said in a post above, my gen x DH and I bought our first houses separately 20-30 years ago!

verdibird · 03/06/2024 08:19

TheFunHasGone · 02/06/2024 23:07

Gen x are age 44-59 , I've never seen a post about them needing money from their parents

Gen Xer here, as is DH (well he is 60 so on the cusp). Neither of us got money for a house deposit. I did get an inheritance from my dad when he passed, but I already had a house at that point. Seriously OP, let your DH retire. You never know how many years you have left.

Halfemptyhalfling · 03/06/2024 08:20

If you want grandchildren and you think your dd won't be able to afford them if she has paid 100000s to landlords, then that could change the framing when talking to your dh.

lotsofdogshere · 03/06/2024 08:20

why should he continue to work to give his earnings to gift his earnings to an adult child?

its alarming how many health problems can suddenly arrive as our 60’s arrive. Retire and enjoy life

Holluschickie · 03/06/2024 08:21

HuongVuong3 · 03/06/2024 08:19

Agree, as I said in a post above, my gen x DH and I bought our first houses separately 20-30 years ago!

Sigh. It was a typo as I have clarified several times already. I meant Gen Z

LlynTegid · 03/06/2024 08:22

There is more chance of your DC or anyone their age being able to at some point buy a house if there is an economically sound government. Which you won't get if you give another five years to the current government. That would be selfish.

I plan to retire at a later age than the OP's DH, but if he can retire, then better to do so whilst in good health.