To think it’s selfish for parents to retire early when their kids are renting?

[Lesbeavinu]

Dh has decided he is going to retire at 59. He has a great government pension and private pension/savings. He earns a decent £50k a year (same as me) and we have no mortgage.

I said that dh should continue working for another year or 18 months and gift the money to dd for a flat deposit.

Comparisons never make people very happy as there will always be someone better off no matter what your age. Everyone has to deal with where they are now and most people in a long life will have had difficult times - eg not many mumsnetters will be prepared to take 2 weeks of annual leave to have a baby in and go back to work which is what I did as in the 1980s did not have the 2 years of service needed even for the 6 weeks at 90% pay! Houses in outer London were so expensive my husband's school had to offer teachers cheap rent flats which is where we started in just get teachers to accept the jobs down here.

I have always worked full time without a single break since 1983 and my state pension age was originally 60 and now will be 67 but after tax it will not even cover council tax and heating bills and I will work almost until I die (I only have state pension as I cashed the one I paid into - I never had an employer private pension contribution in my life! - when I was 55 to give HMRC 45% tax on 75% o f it and the rest to the children for housing). I was happy to help my children (and 2 still live at home rent free) but that is entirely my choice and in my view from now on what I earn is my money and I will need to accumulate some savings to pay for old age care if I live that long - most people die in their 70s in my family. I am having the outside woodwork painted at present -today is day 15 - so a big job (3 men for 15 days so far); and older people also need to keep some of their money to pay for things like that and the bottom line it is their money and under English law there is no legal obligation even to leave money to adult children (although some rights to go to court for some cases but not many) - we have testatmentary freedom. I think Scottish law may have slightly different laws on obligations to adult children still in education.

@Xenia Is there a man in your life? You have also paid all uni fees and expenses for 5 DC. You have given the house deposits haven’t you? How many of your dc own property? You have given more than anyone I know to dc. The OPs family possibly has not given anywhere near this. I agree envy gets us nowhere but I would certainly think working until 60 isn’t a big deal when we all know how difficult it is for young people to save and they cannot all commute.

Mumsnet is very individualistic so you won't get many that agree with you.

The chips have fallen out in favour of the older generation so it does make sense to help out if you can afford it.

Your daughter is probably paying 9% extra tax in student loans, is facing enormously more expensive housing costs and won't get her pension until at least 68, probably older (even if she gets a generous public sector pension).

You don't have to help out, but I think it's important to acknowledge that we were lucky and it wasn't all due to hard work.

Honestly curious as to why you jumped to such an aggressive tone. Without addressing my point. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Working till 62 (he's nearly 60 now) is not a big deal if you want to.

He doesn't.

Not read the full thread but I'm on minimum wage with minimal pension if any pension at all.

Your daughter needs ti earn her money and save like everyone else has to.

My daughter is 21 and has saved £40k with her partner with no help from me, by both of them working their arses off since the age of 16 when they left school. They also do car boot sales and book annual leave from work in the summer to work at the festivals as marshalls or litter pickers to earn extra money.

Mine pay high taxes to benefit others but other seem to take the piss and when will my dc get to retire?

🙄 No they pay taxes because it's the law and it's taken from their wages at source.

I have always worked full time without a single break since 1983 and my state pension age was originally 60 and now will be 67 but after tax it will not even cover council tax and heating bills and I will work almost until I die

@Xenia are you not bitter about that? I sure as heck would be!

Ha, this.

I’m always intrigued at the level of control people in couples want to exert over each other. If my partner said he was retiring I would accept that as the starting point and have a conversation about what that looks like practically.

my partner probably will retire but still do part time consultation work. Instead of guilting him into working full time to give your daughter money, why not have a conversation about what his thoughts are for the next twenty odd years. He’s probs my got a plan and just hasn’t told you.

Some people love their work! @Xenia loves her work. DH is doing some work at 70. He really enjoys it. We have more than enough to not work but he’s rather good at what he does! That aspect of life defines some people. And why not?

I don’t think working an extra year from 59-60 to help dc is a massive sacrifice. Of course a decision to retire knowing dc are going to struggle is me, me, me. It’s not a generous spirit.

@TizerorFizz my DH is also still doing some work, consultancy/advisory and academic research and writing. He enjoys it but keeps the amount he does under strict control.

Yes, DH and I had an age gap. We only had 2-and-a-half yrs of retired life together and nearly a yr of that was during lockdown.

The younger generations have always had a much harder time financially than the older generations. That’s because the older generations have worked and paid off mortgages, debt, etc. I remember buying our first house in 1980, and before we’d even moved in the payments had increased because a new Conservative government had not long been elected and interest rates shot up from 11% to over 15%. Combined salary was £400 a month and the mortgage payment was over half of that. And I’m talking about a tiny, basic, two up two down new build. No central heating, and no extra frills - a far cry from what the younger generation expect from a new property these days. We had sleepless nights worrying about how we would make the payments. The numbers might be lower, but it’s all relevant.

The chips have fallen out in favour of the older generation

Actually that's an inaccurate generalisation.
There's extreme variation within each generation
From Age UK and Independent Age
The age group in the most relative poverty is 60-64

The highest number of older people in rented accommodation ever (almost 2 million aged 50 and older).

More than one in three (37%) pensioners who rent homes privately are in poverty.

The other noticeable trend is that inequalities within older generations are some of the most extreme in society.

That said, yes, the housing system is a mess today and it's hard for younger people but it's also very hard for lots of older ones too. The need for all affected regardless of age is more social housing.

'The younger generations have always had a much harder time financially than oder generations'
Not true at all Pam.
In fact, throughout history, at least since the industrial revolution, subsequent generations have had a better quality of life than the one before them, ie living standards have progressively improved.
Today's young people are the first generation since approx 1850s who have a lower living standard than their parents/ grandparents.

To say that no boomer ever had a tough time financially is obviously nonsense but this is an entirely different point. Overall, that generation had it much easier, certainly in a financial sense.

There's 916,000 job vacancies in the UK (hat includes zero hours and part-time jobs).

But over 1 million people on jobseekers benefits

Wtf .. I've told my dh to retire asap . Don't you want home to enjoy his retirement . Super selfish !
Dc can sort themselves out!

Generational comparisons are certainly difficult to do fairly. I have all my financial data going back to 1983 still here on my computer but I am just one person not anyone else. The firm where I went to work in 1985 for example pays THREE times the salary I got after allowing for inflation. In my generation only 15% got to go to university and of course we only got the equal pay act in 1970 so half the population - women - faced a lot of discrimination in the past, more than today. I graduated in 1982 when we then had the worst unemployment for fifty years, 3m out of work. I had huge difficulties getting my first job as did most people who graduated - it did not feel like some sunny uplands walk in the park We could not afford to buy even as far in as Ealing so have lived out here in zone 5 with all the commuting time/costs of the last 40 years as a result because of 1980s very high house prices (and I am not saying they are not high today of course too in this bit of outer London where the 3 bed terraced with which we started costs about £500k.

(No I don't feel bitter about my situation and life and am now quite happily single. My children's father is also still working full time despite heading for 70 soon. My father worked almost until he died - it is not a hardship if you like the work - my ancestors mined coal in NE England starting aged 10 and average age of death of women in my family in last 100 years is 66 - my mother made it to 75).

Most of all I think people should be able to make different choices from other people if they want to do that - that is freedom and thankfully we still live in a society where we don't have to be like others, whether that be giving or not giving children money. I think I was asked above about helping the children - each of the 5 has a house although also through their own efforts and the youngest 2 live at home with me and let out each house just for now and give the state about half of all that in our very high tax nation and the state then wasted loads of it.

TBH I think it’s quite selfish of you. He wants to retire due to his hard work you have both payed for your home by you age and able to retire should do it and enjoy life! You DD has to stand on her own feet and work and earn her place in life! Maybe you DH wants her to make her own path… and stand on her own feet.. just maybe.. you could the next few years and give her the money you made instead of retiring… instead of expecting him to be the financial grifter when it is your idea.. huh how the other half lives eh!

Why can't DD work and get the flat herself?

You're also still working and earn the same amount as your husband - why can't you gift the money?

YABU

Is he actually any worse off with the pension ? I know lots in local government pensions and they were better off not working ! Also would he get a lump sum and be able to help the kids out with that? Also what’s his plan very young to do nothing would drive me mad. Though I have sympathy I have worked in local government for a short while very boring

I get you @Xenia . We're likely similar ages. I started work in 1980 and my weekly pay was £30, the equivalent to roughly £124. I left home at 18 and lived in a tiny room in a shared house, which cost £6 a week. No kitchen, just an electric ring in the room and you shared bathroom and toilet with the rest of the household. To stretch my wages, I'd pick up fallen fruit and veg at the market and I'd do my laundry by hand in the bath. I'm not complaining, it was a good time in my life and I loved that little room, it was my castle.

Just want to point out that not everyone of our age had it easy. There seemed to be one recession after another in those days and I got made redundant more than once, just like that. Saying that, the 80s were a good time in many ways, in part because there were so many of us down on our luck and living in grotty little bedsits and we all knew how it felt.

Do you have a job. what is your contribution?