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Original poster

Most people don’t take being a god parent seriously

78 replies

Inmydreams88 · 02/06/2024 22:12

I was thinking the other day that I only know who one of my godparents are (a cousin of mine who I’ve seen maybe 3-4 times since I was about 10) I have no idea who the others are. Clearly these people who were chosen didn’t take being a god parent very seriously as I have no relationship with them. Which is fine I guess but I did loose a parent at a very young age so I was just wondering if other people are close to their godparents?

OP posts:
mightydolphin · 02/06/2024 22:33

Lots of people were christened simply because it was the done thing 30+ years ago. So yes, most godparents did not take it very seriously as they weren't usually very religious. It was just a nice way to acknowledge some important friends/family.

Less people are christened now, and I'm not really sure if godparents take it more seriously as a result but it would make sense as they would likely be more religious.

NosyJosie · 02/06/2024 22:34

My DCs have four god parents each = 8.

2 have completely disappeared as friendships with their dad have faded

4 are “facebook friends” and see DCs maybe once a year due to our divorce.

2 are engaged and have stepped up when stepping up was required.

My own godparents were similar. My godfather was like a loved uncle and my godmother lost contact with my parents when I was around ten.

Alittlelostinlifeisi · 02/06/2024 22:35

I don’t think people do take it seriously. It’s just society nowadays and nothing to do with your worth obviously. The main thing is to be someone who encourages Christian faith in their child until they are confirmed. I have to say as a godparent I have failed miserably tho I was honored to be asked and I took it seriously but I wasn’t even invited to my godchild’s confirmation. I was gutted as I had taken him to Mass once (wish I had done more!) and really was prepared to be there for my god child! God childs family are not religious at all and only got confirmation to get into a certain school. So I was just a pawn really. Disappointing but as I said, it’s society. My sibling is def not religious and the christening was just photo op. Nothing legally binding in the event of death of a parent either I imagine. Your question has made me realise that all I can do for my god children is to pray for them and I’ll say one for you 🙏🏻 🙌

PeloMom · 02/06/2024 22:40

I think there’s a lot of misunderstanding what a godparent is both from godparent point of view and the godchild. I have (had?) one godparent who was has now passed away; I remember when I was younger we would get together around religious holidays but little involvement outside of that.
there are also people who think a godparent and a guardian are the same thing and get disappointed in their expectations.

PeloMom · 02/06/2024 22:44

@Alittlelostinlifeisi but the godparent isn’t a guardian; there shouldn’t be anything legally binding. The guardian can be completely different (or the same) person but these 2 concepts are very different things. I see this confusion a lot.
just because I trust someone to spiritually guide my child doesn’t mean I want them to be the one to take care of them if something happens to me.

mathsAIoptions · 02/06/2024 22:46

Don't have one for dd. Not religious and no family so felt a bit like I'd be asking someone else to part-parent for me... I do know a family that are religious that take it very seriously though. I think they are even helping out with school fees and help towards holidays as well as the general checking in on them.

JumpstartMondays · 02/06/2024 22:47

My God parents are my extended family, like having a second and third set of parents ♥️ and their children are like my spare siblings. We are firm family friends and get together for all family holidays and celebrations. They're the ones I turn to when I don't know what I need!

Unfortunately, despite having fantastic role models, I'm not such a great God parent myself (kids parents divorced and moved away, didn't keep in touch despite my efforts).

mathsAIoptions · 02/06/2024 22:48

PeloMom · 02/06/2024 22:44

@Alittlelostinlifeisi but the godparent isn’t a guardian; there shouldn’t be anything legally binding. The guardian can be completely different (or the same) person but these 2 concepts are very different things. I see this confusion a lot.
just because I trust someone to spiritually guide my child doesn’t mean I want them to be the one to take care of them if something happens to me.

Oh yeah, dd has a guardian in my will. Got her one of those bad boys (or rather, woman) 💃
I think Godparenting would be harder though largely because I'm not planning on dying any time soon

TeenLifeMum · 02/06/2024 22:49

I picked badly. My Childrens god parents don’t even send birthday cards and it makes me sad. I thought these people would care about them and watch them grow up.

Changingplace · 02/06/2024 22:50

Alittlelostinlifeisi · 02/06/2024 22:35

I don’t think people do take it seriously. It’s just society nowadays and nothing to do with your worth obviously. The main thing is to be someone who encourages Christian faith in their child until they are confirmed. I have to say as a godparent I have failed miserably tho I was honored to be asked and I took it seriously but I wasn’t even invited to my godchild’s confirmation. I was gutted as I had taken him to Mass once (wish I had done more!) and really was prepared to be there for my god child! God childs family are not religious at all and only got confirmation to get into a certain school. So I was just a pawn really. Disappointing but as I said, it’s society. My sibling is def not religious and the christening was just photo op. Nothing legally binding in the event of death of a parent either I imagine. Your question has made me realise that all I can do for my god children is to pray for them and I’ll say one for you 🙏🏻 🙌

Edited

Of course being a god parent isn’t legally binding, it’s completely separate from being named as a legal guardian in the event of a parents death, I don’t think anyone would assume it was automatically the same.

Yellowcakestand · 02/06/2024 22:58

My godfather told me he had an affair with my nan...

NeonSky · 02/06/2024 23:03

I know 2 out of 3. Still get birthday & Christmas cards & we message regularly, but they don’t live in the UK so haven’t seen them in person for about 15 years.

I think the 3rd one is an old family friend - my mum & dad can’t actually remember🤣

Fizbosshoes · 02/06/2024 23:06

I'm sure a lot of parents don't take christenings especially seriously either.
I know lots of people who presumably have made the standard promises to bring their children up in the Christian faith,, who aren't at all religious themselves.

Upminster12 · 02/06/2024 23:07

I am a godparent and I've found it a tricky role to navigate, I'm a close friend of the parents but they are not religious at all so there was no ceremony or anything. I'm not sure what's expected, so far I've been very reliable in buying birthday and Christmas presents and that's it! I'll always be here if needed so maybe that's enough?!

NewName24 · 02/06/2024 23:09

PeloMom · 02/06/2024 22:44

@Alittlelostinlifeisi but the godparent isn’t a guardian; there shouldn’t be anything legally binding. The guardian can be completely different (or the same) person but these 2 concepts are very different things. I see this confusion a lot.
just because I trust someone to spiritually guide my child doesn’t mean I want them to be the one to take care of them if something happens to me.

Whereas I agree a legal guardian and a Godparent are two different things, the op was talking about her Godparents not 'being there' for her when losing a parent very young. Now, I'd say that emotional support was absolutely my responsibility as a God parent in those circumstances

cannonballz · 02/06/2024 23:10

I have 7 God children and only see 3 regularly. I provide childcare for 2 of them. I have lost touch completely with 2 of them. However, I do take godparenting very seriously, and continue to pray for them daily. You can't tell from the outside how seriously someone is taking their duties as God parent.

WalkWithMeSuzieLee · 02/06/2024 23:11

My DC and my god children call each other cousins. They aren't local but we see them every few months and I have a good relationship with them, I think they're very comfortable with me and I hope tbey see me as someone they can come to for any advice or support. I chat to my friend, their mum, at least weekly, and the DC play online together regularly.

My DH has a god daughter he hasn't seen since her Christening - she's 18 now! I have mentiomed a few times over the years that he really ought to make more effort...

NewName24 · 02/06/2024 23:11

The other issue I have, as a Godmother, is that all of my Godchildren have siblings. It is a fine line to walk between forming a special relationship with your Godchild, and 'treating the siblings of your Godchildren less specially, even though they are the same relationship to you in that they are all the dc of your best friend / brother / sister.

Topseyt123 · 02/06/2024 23:12

I didn't know who my godparents were for many years. It turned out that they were old friends of my parents, but we didn't see them very often.

Not an issue for me, and with regard to my own DDs, I'm not even too sure who we chose. The only ones I can remember are now divorced and have dropped off the radar,

Letsgocamping67 · 02/06/2024 23:14

Possibly because they felt somehow forced into the role and ya know god doesn’t actually exist.

Hellodarknessmyfriend · 02/06/2024 23:17

For me personally, if I was ever asked to be a godparent I would respectfully decline on the basis that I am not a Christian.

CountryMumof4 · 02/06/2024 23:17

The godparents for my kids are mostly family members and they all have a close relationship. I'm godmother to an ex's niece. I haven't seen her for many years, but I do have money I've set aside for her for when she turns 21. Will be a bit odd contacting them to arrange sending it, but I carried on saving into it after the split as it wasn't her fault the relationship broke down (obvs). She was a baby at the time. I don't expect her to turn around and want any kind of relationship with me, but so want her to have what I consider to be hers.
I have 2 other god children and am very close to them.

Waterloooo · 02/06/2024 23:18

I can’t even remember which ones my godchildren are!

Ted27 · 02/06/2024 23:21

I'm a 'god mother'

None of us are religious, there was no Christening, dad is Hindu but doesn't practice
It was more of an acknowledgement of a long standing friendship and my place in the family.
It's more difficult now that she is an adult and working abroad but she still calls me her fairy godmother. Growing up we had a lovely relationship. I spent every Christmas and a week in the summer. We always had our special days out, she would spend hours doing my hair and make up, take me on her secret walks and talk me to death. She would draw me pictures, I would send her postcards. I gave her her first piece of proper jewellery. There are no expectations but she knows I'll always be there for her

ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat · 02/06/2024 23:23

It works both ways really. Are the godparents included in the family, seen often , updates sent regularly, an actual relationship encouraged with the children etc?