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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Most people don’t take being a god parent seriously

78 replies

Inmydreams88 · 02/06/2024 22:12

I was thinking the other day that I only know who one of my godparents are (a cousin of mine who I’ve seen maybe 3-4 times since I was about 10) I have no idea who the others are. Clearly these people who were chosen didn’t take being a god parent very seriously as I have no relationship with them. Which is fine I guess but I did loose a parent at a very young age so I was just wondering if other people are close to their godparents?

OP posts:
Jenepeuxpasdiscuteravecdesstupides · 03/06/2024 06:45

Sadly, many parents pick a godparent based on perceived monetary value, rather than true friendship or any understanding of thee role of a godparent.
Similarly, many 'mates' say yes to being a godparent without any idea of the job.

contrary13 · 03/06/2024 06:58

Nope. Out of my three, my godfather was my father's brother (who molested me when I was 7, is dead now, but between the ages of 7 and 38, when he died, I didn't see him other than when it couldn't be helped, and even then, never alone). Then one godmother was my mother's sister (who married my godfather), who I'm very low contact with, for various reasons, but primarily she's firmly decided that she's one of life's victims, rather than a survivor, and whilst I have a lot of empathy for her - I also can't cope with her perpetual need to be seek blame in others before herself. She's also NC with my mother, and literally abducted my Nan (to do with inheritance rather than genuine care), then whined about what she'd taken on, to me, and didn't like my response of "a care home would be best all round, else you'll stop being her daughter and just become her carer!"... I'm disabled with carers, myself, so was speaking from experience...). The other godmother, was my mother's lifelong friend growing up. She sent me a birthday gift every year until my 18th... and for the last 30 years, no one's heard from her whatsoever. I do know that she stopped writing to my mother before I was 10, and that my mother can be quite contentious in her views, I think I met her twice, though - once at my baptism, when i was 7 months old, and once when I was about 2 or 3.

Out of the three of them, it's my mother's former best friend that I hope is okay. She made sure there was contact between us until I turned 18... and wouldn't need her to take me in (not that she would have, oldest brother got first dibs).

My children have godparents from my school friendship group. I think they still talk to them if they need to - but at 28 and 19, that's pretty much beyond my scope. I won't ask my friends, because (a) that would be prying, and (b) their relationship as godparent to my child is now between them. What annoys me though, is the fact that one of my old friends believes that she is my children's father, whilst the ex-husband of my oldest's godmother, is adamant that he's her godfather. They're not, they were never asked, they just randomly decided that they were - and it's led to arguments galore. I'd rather no godparents than false ones!

WhatNoRaisins · 03/06/2024 07:28

Mine are family members that my DP are NC with but we were only baptised to get into the schools our families wanted.

I think the traditional idea of Godparents must have worked better in the days when most people stayed at the same church for at least most of their lives and attended regularly and took it more seriously. Sorry if this sounds a bit judgy but I don't really get the point in initiating children into a religion that you then have nothing to do with afterwards.

hopscotcher · 03/06/2024 07:45

I don't see the point of it personally - always feels as if it's more for show than anything (not that I am one, or have any!) I'll either support my friends' kids or not as the years go by - don't need a title.

Whyhaveibeencutoutofmamsnot · 03/06/2024 08:06

As a godparent to two (now adults) I have a different relationship with each of them. One I have only seen once since a baby - sent birthday cards etcfor a while until they moved. The other I have a very good relationship with - they will tell/ask me things sometimes before their parents as their mum can get angry/upset/sulky and I am non judgemental about what they do but will be able to help with the fine details.
My own children's godparents are variable - some never make contact (with them or with us).

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 03/06/2024 08:08

I’m sorry for your loss of a parent as a child.
On the whole, I don’t think people should take it very seriously. Reports that Charles gave his godson a bollocking made me cringe.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/345129.stm

BBC News | UK | Charles ticks off godson over drugs

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/345129.stm

Rubbishconfession · 03/06/2024 08:09

I think it’s more on your parents for the choices they made. Did they make an effort to include god parents in your family life? Were they invited round?

TheFormidableMrsC · 03/06/2024 08:09

I take my god parent role very seriously, despite now being divorced and no longer part of the family. My Goddaughter is an adult now so we have our own relationship but she's important to me and I love her. We don't see a lot of eachother due to distance but we are regularly in touch and I send gifts for birthday and Christmas. She knows I've got her back if she needs.

Rubbishconfession · 03/06/2024 08:10

TheFormidableMrsC · 03/06/2024 08:09

I take my god parent role very seriously, despite now being divorced and no longer part of the family. My Goddaughter is an adult now so we have our own relationship but she's important to me and I love her. We don't see a lot of eachother due to distance but we are regularly in touch and I send gifts for birthday and Christmas. She knows I've got her back if she needs.

Does she send you presents / cards?

Jifmicroliquid · 03/06/2024 08:12

Honestly, I haven’t seen my godson for a couple of years. I don’t think it means that much really, does it?
I do keep in touch with his mum and see photos and updates of him.

sashh · 03/06/2024 09:14

It can be hard to godparent. I wasn't told when my god daughter was making her first holy communism or her confirmation.

NeedToChangeName · 03/06/2024 09:16

ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat · 02/06/2024 23:23

It works both ways really. Are the godparents included in the family, seen often , updates sent regularly, an actual relationship encouraged with the children etc?

@ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat this is a good point. I am a god parent, but the child's parents didn't include me in the child's life, so the relationship never developed. I feel a bit sad about that, but you're correct to point out that it needs to be a two way street

Misthios · 03/06/2024 09:20

If you're not religious, it means nothing. As far as I know, when I was christened in the Church of Scotland my parents chose "supporters" not god parents. I have no idea who they even are, it certainly wasn't a thing that I referred to anyone as my "godmother" or "godfather". Growing up, the only reference I ever heard to godmothers was in Cinderella, it wasn't something my friends or peers talked about either.

I am godparent to one of my nieces (can't remember which as they were both baptised on the same day) and a nephew. We don't go to church, I was purely picked as they needed someone reliable who could hold the baby and stand for a photo.

My own kids are not baptised and therefore do not have any godparents.

elevens24 · 03/06/2024 09:22

What do think godparents should be doing?

I'm a godmother to 3 young adults/ dc. One of them their parents moved abroad and I haven't seen my GC in several years. They don't keep in contact.

My other two GC I see regularly. But even if they weren't my GC I'd still see them as one is a nephew and other the dc of my best friend.

PurpleBugz · 03/06/2024 09:52

My dd had a wonderful godmother who was very involved and sadly died. None of the others kept in touch once me and kids dad split. I'm Christian and would take the role of godmother very seriously if I was ever asked but I don't see how you can take it seriously if you don't have a faith you make vows to support and encourage the child in faith 🤷‍♀️

familyissues12345 · 03/06/2024 10:08

DH and I have a godson that we haven't seen since he was about 1 year old. TBH I don't know why his Mum asked us to do it, we weren't living even remotely close by, and we'd only recently got back in touch after a period of being out of contact - this was before SM really was at use.

Nodancingshoes · 03/06/2024 10:13

I am God parent to 2 children (1 is now an adult). What should I be doing?? I send birthday and Xmas gifts and I'm interested in their lives - should I be doing more?? 😉 I am not remotely religious, maybe that makes a difference

AllTheChaos · 04/06/2024 15:53

MoonKiss · 03/06/2024 01:31

Yeah, they should’ve picked someone like you! They’ve got increasingly religious since the christening, as has the other godparent who drives hundreds of miles to visit regularly and does all the right things and makes me look shit. It’s definitely a me problem - I should have declined.

Aw no, I’m sure that’s not the case! People just get busy, live far apart etc. Plus you don’t have to be Christian to be able to discuss ethics, morality etc!

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/06/2024 16:13

@Rubbishconfession Yes she does.

Tattletwat · 04/06/2024 16:24

I'm not christened so I have no grandparents my sister is and don't recall feeling like I missed out.

I don't get why non religious people get their kids christened, most of time it's for a party if they really admit it.

Peachblossomtime · 04/06/2024 16:33

This thread has just prompted me to message my god daughter who's now living abroad. We always see each other when she's back in the country and I really love her. I know she loves me too. She even flew half way around the world to support me and be at my husband's funeral.

Noshowlomo · 04/06/2024 16:43

I’m a god parent to two teens. I don’t ever see them as don’t speak to their mother and haven’t for many years. I didn’t want to be a godparent but felt I couldn’t say no. I don’t feel guilty, they’re not religious and it was all a bit of a sham.

Cityandmakeup · 04/06/2024 16:45

I am godparent to a friends children. She became a narc so the friendship ended. Would have been there for the kids but she treated me like a cash point to buy stuff for them

Testina · 04/06/2024 20:48

Nodancingshoes · 03/06/2024 10:13

I am God parent to 2 children (1 is now an adult). What should I be doing?? I send birthday and Xmas gifts and I'm interested in their lives - should I be doing more?? 😉 I am not remotely religious, maybe that makes a difference

Were you a Christian when you agreed to be their godparent?

Juicyj1993 · 04/06/2024 20:56

I was actually brought up by two of my Godparents after I lost my Mum. I'd say they took being a a Godparent very seriously.

That being said I only know one other person who has a close relationship to their Godparent. Luckily he never needed to step in to bring my friend up but he has given him guidance, a shoulder to cry on, somewhere to stay for the night etc. I've honestly never heard anyone else mention their Godparents.