Most people don’t take being a god parent seriously

[Inmydreams88]

I was thinking the other day that I only know who one of my godparents are (a cousin of mine who I’ve seen maybe 3-4 times since I was about 10) I have no idea who the others are. Clearly these people who were chosen didn’t take being a god parent very seriously as I have no relationship with them. Which is fine I guess but I did loose a parent at a very young age so I was just wondering if other people are close to their godparents?

I’m a godparent and have fulfilled my obligations of confirmations, weddings, being the pseudo parent for teenage shenanigans, hell I did homemade advent calendars for years! (Only stopped when they could legally buy alcohol) and will pick it up again when the grand - god kids are ready (the first one is still under 1)).

My other god child I tragically lost touch with when her mother died. Big and ugly custody battle between maternal grandparents and loser father (really his parents because he didn’t give a shit and was strung out) but I got her christened in the church that mum wanted so I still call that a win in the god parent category.

My Siblings and I weren’t christened, because my parents are of different religions, so we were left to make the decision for ourselves. My sister and I aren’t christened, but my brother got christened (largely because his wife wanted to get married in a church…)

I am à ‘sponsor’ (godparent without the god part!) to two of my much younger cousins. I was 20 & 22 when they were born. I am very close to them. One has kids of her own now, and I see them all very regularly. I’ve always taken it quite seriously.

I think this is just an extension of the fact that most people don’t take Christenings seriously. It’s just an excuse for a party for a lot of people. It’s that old trope of people only going to church for hatchings, matchings and dispatchings.

I think this is important. Both our godchildren and their parents include us in their lives (especially since we’re not local). Both god kids and their significant others have been to stay with us and we are ‘seated at the parent’s table’ so to speak for family events.

we don’t have kids so we’ve both warned the godkids they’re in charge of us when we get old and they get the inheritance.

*By be in charge I hope they send us whisky on a regular basis because we’re planning to not be a burden by having our care arranged and paid for!

Someone has already mentioned that a Godparent is not a guardian, but speaking as someone who still doesn't know who my Godparents were, despite having a Baptismal certificate, I would agree that most Godparents do not take their role seriously.

I am fairly close to my godchild, I have one but she has siblings that I kind of see as my godchildren too so they all get birthday presents most years & Easter eggs if I see them around then. (I don’t celebrate Christmas really - as in not in the commercial way/with presents)

I do agree with the pp who said it goes both ways in terms of involving godparents. And also reciprocating to show appreciation.

For example my friend called me up on my birthday with a video of her and my goddaughter and her siblings all singing me happy birthday. I think that was really sweet!I’ve also been invited out on family day and overnight trips etc with the kids too.

I hope as they grow older they’ll all feel comfortable to contact me if they ever need help or advice but they’re from such a large and close family they probably have so many biological relatives they’d turn to first which is great but I’m there if they need me!

Although I do strictly speaking have another two godchildren, I don’t speak to at all! their mum kinda ghosted me but I was over it by that point of our friendship too so I happily let her go. I don’t have any contact with her children obviously as they were little when our friendship ended . I don’t count them as godchildren because I’ll likely never see them again, and they probably can’t remember me! last time I saw them was like 2010 and they were under 5!

My godparents were a couple who my parents partied with, back in the day!

I think they all lost touch by the time I was about 18 months.

Sorry for laughing 😂

I was raised as Catholic and the Godparents I know do take the role seriously, but that's because they're religious.

I don't take Christenings seriously if the parents aren't religious, so I wouldn't expect the Godparents to take their role seriously either.

I agree with you. In fact I don't think my godparents would know me and my brother if they fell over us.
(They were my parents best friends when we were born but fell out not long after and we haven't seen them in over 30 years).
Christenings are done for the sake of it.
I don't think it's right unless the parents of the child are practising Christians. I'm not, hence I didn't have my daughter baptised.

I had a similar situation in terms of falling out with my friend as I stated upthread, but curious how is what you describe an example of a godparent not taking the role seriously? How could they have continued to be godparents to you if they fell out with your parents?

Could it not just be equally fair to say that the parents who fall out with the godparent didn’t take the role seriously either ?

In my case my friend was happy to cut ties with me knowing it meant I would not be able to continue most of my godparent duties . I was previously there for birthdays, Christmas went to the christening, spent time with them etc. in fact the second last time I tried to meet up with her when I was in her city, I had two massive gift bags full of presents for her kids on Boxing Day. She cancelled last minute. Even before our friendship totally ended the following year she was already hindering me being a gp.

So yeah I’d say a lot of people don’t take it seriously but that includes parents, not just godparents!

I don't think they do. I used to think that it was better to pick friends than family but now I wish I'd chosen differently for my kids.

My long term friend is both of their godmother and seems to adore every kid that crosses her path - except mine 😆

They're teenagers now and they couldn't care less but I wish I'd picked better for them.

I'm god mother to my niece and although I'm her auntie too of course, we have an extra bond with the godparent element and I absolutely feel like it's been a privilege to be her godmother. I'm so proud of her and can honestly say I love her as though she were a daughter.

I had a conversation along these lines with my parents a couple of days ago.
I asked who my God parents were and neither of them had a clue!
They said they only had us Christened because it was the done thing at the time and to keep their parents and Grandparents happy.

Neither of my children are Christened because I'm not religious and I don't go to church so don't see the point.

Surely the people who didn’t take it seriously were your parents?!
If you don’t even know who they are, then that definitely rests with your parents.
Are you even a Christian?
Do you actually know what the responsibility of a godparent is, as committed to during the rite of baptism?
It’s nothing to do with legal guardianship or helping out if a parent dies.
Do you want these people to help you walk in the way of Christ?

I was never christened as a child because my parents weren’t in the slightest bit religious so I have no godparents.

My DS also won’t be christened so he too has no godparents.

I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything.

@Testina exactly as I was saying upthread, I don’t see why godparents are getting all the blame in every situation 😅

Sure sometimes it is their fault but often it’s the parents fault too when communication & contact breaks down.

My godchild’s mum plays an active part in enabling and supporting us developing and maintaining a relationship.

I asked who my God parents were and neither of them had a clue!

How can parents not know who their children’s godparents are? Surely it’s up to parents to choose godparents, so if they don’t ‘have a clue’ this means they didn’t pick anyone and therefore you have no godparents OR they did but they have completely forgotten who they chose, as both they and the godparents didn’t take it seriously at all.

I suspect it’s the former unless they both have reeeeally bad memories.

I'm a godmother. I have seen my 7 year old godson and nephew about 8 times in his life, as my brother moved to another country.

I'd like to be closer to him, and I feel guilty that I see my sister's children multiple times a week, and have such a special bond with them, when I barely know my godson/nephew. Flights are expensive though and they are a busy little family.

I really regret becoming Godmother to one of mine. The parents expectations are incredibly high and I didn’t expect it. Nice kid, nice parents… basically too nice for me and it makes me anxious. Of the other two one lives far away and we have little contact, the other I adore.

Oh dear, @MoonKiss, what kind of expectations do they have? I spend time with my godchildren less often than I would like due to my health issues and their busyness, but see them each about one a month, buy gifts at the relevant intervals, take them out, talk to them about religion, morality, trying to live a good life and what that means.

Yeah, they should’ve picked someone like you! They’ve got increasingly religious since the christening, as has the other godparent who drives hundreds of miles to visit regularly and does all the right things and makes me look shit. It’s definitely a me problem - I should have declined.

We have five God children and both our kids have five God parents each, just worked out that way for us, but for our kids we chose.

One God mother is amazing, very involved, four are quite involved, one not so much because of ill health and four have lost touch for the most part.

We have tried to stay in touch with our God children and see them when we can.

I know who my godparents are but most of them are family members that I haven’t seen or spoken since my nans funeral in 2017 they don’t even know that I got married in 2019 so I wouldn’t care one bit if they took being my godparent seriously or not because I don’t want to know them. But I’m godmother to my niece and I see her about 3/4 times a week and I take her out on shopping trips for her birthday, have her for sleepovers and go on holiday with her she has even designed tattoos for I’m like a second mum to her and treat her better than her actual mum does.

I never knew mine. They were husband and wife....5 days after my christening
they died in a house fire.

ETA I'm an Atheist so being a Godparent is not a job I would take seriously so would never agree to be one.

^this, in essence. I diligently send birthday/Xmas gifts and do my best to see the kids when I'm in their area. But this is reasonably infrequent as it's hours and hours away, and their parents have never come to see me/organised something in the middle/actually even suggested meeting up anywhere!