What's your cautionary tale?

[BrightInMyNorthernSky]

Having just got through the most stressful week ever due to a nightmare situation of my own making, I thought I would share a previous and current cautionary tale.

1. Always remember to change the address on your V5 and not just your license. I didn't. DH got caught speeding twice on the same day on the same stretch of road (33 in a 30) in my car. Both fines went to old address. Didn't answer them, obvs. The whole sorry mess played out without me being aware and by the time it all caught up with me it was had been banned from driving for six months and fined £2k - five months earlier! So had been driving while banned for five months!!!

Trust your instincts about your child's health, you know them best. Act quickly. If I had waited for an ambulance for my child with sepsis, she would have died. I looked in her face and that was it - straight to A&E in the car.

Keep your affairs in order and let your appointed executors know your wishes, the location of your original will and the password to your computer. You never know when you are going to pop off and you don't want to add to your family's pain by making them uncertain about your assets and liabilities for months on end. My DF left everything in beautifully good order for us and I'm very thankful for that.

Make a will.
Make sure it is legal and kept up to date.

The amount of friends I have had that ended up in massive stress because departed parents did not tie up their financials is ludicrous...

1). In an email, never write anything about a particular person that you wouldn’t want that person to read. Because there’s a high chance that the email will eventually be forwarded to them, either accidentally or on purpose.

2). Make your potential beneficiaries aware of your will. If you’d like an item kept as an heirloom because it was handmade by your grandfather, or you want to leave one child more money than another because they earn less, then for goodness sake explain this while you’re still alive. Don’t leave your relatives feeling guilty because they sold said heirloom without realising, or tormented because they don’t know why the will is unequal and will never be able to ask you.

Avoid a mummy's boy at all costs.

My first bf could have murdered someone in front of his mum and she would have turned a blind eye or said the victim deserved it. She blamed me for his gambling addiction (I have never gambled in my life) even though she was an online bingo addict herself!! 😳
They are so used to having their arses wiped for them, they expect the same from you. They also grow up thinking they can never be wrong or even realise they are in the wrong because their mothers make excuses for their shitty behaviours. Finally, who wants to be in competition with an overbearing, jealous MIL?

If you live in the tropics check your toilet roll before you sit down. I once went to get some paper and a giant huntsman spider jumped out of the centre of the roll into my lap. I hadn't finished peeing and it went everywhere. It wasn't even in my house.

Just because your employer claims to be a forward thinking EDI employer doesn't mean it's true. 18 months of low level homophobia really wore me down and every time I brought it up with my managers I was told it was just banter but they'd remind people not to be absolute dicks make jokes others might not find funny.

Love this!

That is generally, really, really rare. Due to the legal costs.

Did you not have some idea that it would drop them in the shit enough that they'd be willing to incur costs?

So true. Better yet, wear rubber gloves when dealing with chiles. That capsicum oil can take a while to scrub off.

If your romantic partner makes you feel confused and often quite upset, then they don't love you. Ignore whatever they TELL you, and focus instead on how they make you FEEL. If they genuinely love you then you will feel it in your very bones.

Don't agree to use family to undertake work on your car or house. It will end badly.

DH family own an MOT centre type business - they always moaned we didn't take our cars to them. After several years of refusing, I gave in because we were brassic as we were buying our first house and so they gave us a small family discount.

My car broke down on the motorway home and had to be towed (sparkplug issue - 100% their fault). DH's wider family basically shut me down from complaining and I was firmly told not to make a fuss because it would start a massive family drama. I had to suck up the cost and I am still mad about it to this day as it was money we just didn't have and they couldn't care less as it was more important we kept the peace.

They have short memories and keep moaning that I don't have my car MOT'd / serviced with them. I lie through gritted teeth and say I like to keep it with the brand's service techs as it looks better on the warranty.

My family, did the kitchen in my first house. To be clear I paid for all the stuff but they didn't charge labour (it is the family trade). While they did a great job I never heard the end of it. Every conversation with other people, family or events FOR YEARS they found a way to shoehorn into the conversation that they had done this 'big gift' and wax lyrical about the cost and effort. They don't mention it was the labour they just gloss over that aspect. They got shitty when I repainted and changed the layout and the whole thing became a burden and a bone of contention as every time there was an issue in the relationship 'I needed to have some gratitude for the things they have done for me, like that fancy kitchen of yours'

They still bring up and I have not lived in that house for 20 years.

Never assume a conveyancing solicitor is just getting on with your house sale/ purchase and will just one day soon let you know when you're ready to exchange.

If you're not hearing from them, they aren't doing anything. Call/ email at least once a week for an update/ to nag.

Don't Fuck Up The End Game

I saw good friends - a married couple - totally screw up their own future by refusing to grasp the nettle on money, savings and retirement plans. He was too proud to admit he wasn't as successful as he wanted other people to think, and she was too lazy and disengaged to grasp the nettle about their finances.

They still drove around in fancy cars and did all the showy stuff that doesn't matter or make you happy.

They lost their house. Will never own a home again. She's 68 and working a minimum wage job. They are miserable as sin.

NEVER, EVER get into a property-buying chain involving a probate property (assuming that probate hasn’t been granted yet).

The Probate Office can’t and won’t be hurried. If a case has been left on hold for weeks because the Probate Office didn’t update its records to acknowledge receipt of key documents, the Probate Office will not care. They do not care if your mortgage offer is about to expire and you will face a big interest rate hike as a result. They do not care if the chain involving multiple properties collapses as a result.

When I last offered on a property, the sellers hadn’t found somewhere to buy yet. But as soon as the chain formed and I became aware that the property at the top of the chain was waiting for probate to be granted, I should have pulled out. With hindsight I would have run, not walked!

Cold sores can appear anywhere on your face and neck, but especially your chin. If you normally have good skin but get hideous 'acne' which doesn't respond to any of the usual treatments the moment you step onto a bright windy beach, try Zovirax or similar cream containing Aciclovir. It could save you a lot of money and anxiety on holiday!

Don't eat two bowls of home made asparagus soup just because it's delicious. It turns out it's really high in fibre. Like, REALLY high in fibre 🤢

Further to that, don't end up googling "are bay leaves poisonous" when you forget to remove them from your next soup before pureeing.

I'm not having a great deal of luck with soup lately, come to think of it.

If you suffer from “excess wind issues” don’t eat Jerusalem artichokes.

They are not nicknamed “fartichokes” for nothing!

Research narcissist abuse if you don't know what it is already so you don't spend 35+ years experiencing it without knowing how they were doing it, thinking you're worthless and it's all your fault.

Definitely this! We were buying a house but had heard nothing and it wasn't until we drove by it and saw they were having new windows fitted that we found out they had taken it off the market. The solicitor was very dismissive, 'Oh, didn't I let you know?' but had not trouble sending a bill for the work they'd done already. We were very slow in paying it.

At your birth plan appointment when they ask do you mind student midwives, say no thanks. I said yes sure, with supervision, and they completely abused it, there was little to no supervision and I got very sick.

If you get an infection post csection and the midwives don't want to know, go to A and E, I found nurses to be more knowledgeable of infection and took it more seriously. Saved my life.

Don't be fobbed off in health care, the system is so large and overstretched you will be passed from pillar to post by overworked compassion fatigued staff. Always keep pushing if you're worried.

Don't get credit cards if you're shit with money

F

Don't tell you GP about all your minor passing health niggles and then expect to get full income protection/critical illness cover. I casually mentioned to my doctor that I was a bit stressed at work (no big issue, always had great mental health - I just switched jobs and I'm happy again) but I found out that insurers won't now cover me for anything mental health related, including chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia.

I agree, so smug. "Never assume you're happily married" should also be on the list of cautionary tales...

Remember, being alone and being lonely are two VERY different things.

And, that the opposite of love isn't hate. The opposite of love is indifference.