What's your cautionary tale?

[BrightInMyNorthernSky]

Having just got through the most stressful week ever due to a nightmare situation of my own making, I thought I would share a previous and current cautionary tale.

1. Always remember to change the address on your V5 and not just your license. I didn't. DH got caught speeding twice on the same day on the same stretch of road (33 in a 30) in my car. Both fines went to old address. Didn't answer them, obvs. The whole sorry mess played out without me being aware and by the time it all caught up with me it was had been banned from driving for six months and fined £2k - five months earlier! So had been driving while banned for five months!!!

@NonPlayerCharacter

'It was a joke'

If it had actually been funny, more people might have got it. Thanks for your advice though 🙄

Don't de cat shit the side bit of patio, and then throw a kettle of boiling water at it while wearing sandals. It will spatter back at you.

Me 5 minutes ago. Ouch.

I agree with the 'never get married' advice (I'm now the only earner, but I've always been the main one). It causes resentment and makes it much harder to end things.

Don't under any circumstances give up your financial independence to rely on another, not even your spouse. Again, it makes it much harder to end things, and no doubt causes resentment.

Always trust your gut! I've ignored my gut with 2 big things and lived to regret it.

When someone shows you who they are or if they are not in your corner knock it on the head then. Don't forgive or wait.

Don't waste time running around trying to please people or to make a relationship work. Concentrate on you and what you need to do for you.

Never have a joint account or share finances.

Your employer is not your friend.

You are who you are. It's how you are wired and no one can criticise it.

Are you me???? That's so spooky this has just happened to me last month. I was so freaked out reading it

Check expiry dates on receipts, especially if you have bought different sizes because you weren’t sure of the fit and were going to take/send the wrong ones back. happened to a friend who was ill and returned items two days late.

Read emails carefully, including date sent, don't skim read and act on what you think it asked for.

Yes, I had a pupil who swung on a chair, knocked his head on a desk, and ended up in hospital with concussion.

Don’t be impressed with a persons job title or community status however high up they may be. If something feels off about a person you are usually right. Some of the most horrid manipulative perverted people can be in top jobs.

You are who you are. It's how you are wired and no one can criticise it.

They certainly can criticise it and they will. Some things aren't acceptable which is why we have ASBOs and prisons and psychiatrists and psychiatric units. Your statement is a recipe for unchecked selfishness, arrogance and narcissim. A fulfilling life requires you to be able to moderate your impulses and behaviour in order to get along within society.

Keep absolutely all financial information to yourself.

Don't tell anybody anything about your financial circumstances ever.

Never disclose any benefits you may or may not get, income, savings, nothing!

don't buy anything from an unknown company (i.e. one you find on the internet that happens to have the best price for the thing you're looking for) without checking reviews on them. Over a year later and I'm still working on getting the £1K back I spent on a lovely, stylish bath that never appeared and I used my bank card, rather than a credit card - so that's another piece of advice too!

I also did this age 13 or 14. It was in a magazine

Try and be clear when you post on MN or entire threads can be derailed by people who haven't understood.

Agreed. We are mortgage free but tell our friends we borrowed the money from family and are paying it back, for this very reason. It's nuts because all our friends are on higher wages than us BUT we have scrimped and saved and gone without loads for years so we could overpay our mortgage. We also purchased a cheap wreck of a house which we did up ourselves bit by bit with facebook market place purchases etc. They had nicer houses, cars, holidays, expensive electronics, £100 a month sky packages, meals out etc etc all this time. But now they seem to begrudge it now our house is finished and lovely, we have a nice car (still only a 12 plate!) and are free to go for lovely meals out!

Don't use your teeth as tools

Never stand guarantor for anyone. Ever.

If it is something that matters to you don't take no or can't for an answer. Ask again, ask questions, keep the correspondence or talk going. This has worked for me many, many times. Medical stuff, refunds, contracts.

In work or a social situation sometimes you face will just not fit. There is nothing you can do to fix this. Leave or keep your head down till you can.

That must have been traumatic, I’m so sorry 😔. My gripe though is how they wriggle out of claims. DDog had a pulled muscle in her back leg at 8 months. At 9 years they’ve refused to pay out for a cruciale ligament problem in the other back leg - saying it’s pre-existing in a related area. Bastards.

Do you work for the MET by chance?

It's not 'nonsense' to the higher earner. Your statement makes sense but is at odds with your last sentence. How would anyone get married if there's an imbalance in finances, but they want to have children? But it supports the idea that couples should be on equal financial footing pre-kids. After all, both parents have a responsibility to provide for their children, so neither should be financially weaker.
It's still often the woman who is the lower earner. But there's no reason for this before kids. After kids, women (in the main) should think very carefully before going part-time or giving up work. It's a huge risk to rely on someone else financially.

About the 'dead grandparent' scam... even when I worked, 20 years ago, my employer required a copy of the death certificate.

My wife died recently, and my son asked for a copy of the death certificate to take to work.

I was the higher earner and we did have children - I would have been much better off if we hadn’t married given house was in my name, but there you go…

Never, ever go on a date where an established couple are playing Cupid between you and the other person - the only acceptable outcome is getting married to the person and living together forever. Other than that it just ends in recriminations all round.
Also never, ever be an established couple trying to play Cupid between your single friends.

if something feels off or uncomfortable in the relationship early on, leave. If you feel like its hard work, you are sometimes hurt, sometimes unhappy - leave, even if sometimes its amazing!

This. Relationships are not hard work. Life can be hard work, but a partner should make it easier and more pleasant. If your life is consumed by your partner's moods, your constant issues, misundersandings and disagreements - that is not a good relationship. Even if sometimes, when your partner acts like a normal person for a change, it's amazing.

If moving house, check your current home insurance policy to see if you are covered for moving day.

If you take the removal company’s insurance and you need to make a claim, you will have to use that policy as it is the most recent.

Even if it’s a rubbish policy and your home insurance policy would give you a much better pay out.

So always check first if you are covered before taking an extra/new policy.

I used to love rocking my chair, until brownie camp at 8, when I rocked and ended up backwards in a full on bed of nettles. Never did it again.

@BillieEyelash1

PurpleChrayn · Yesterday 23:49

Always start a new job with four living grandparents.
So does that mean I’m never supposed to start a new job because one of my grandparents died when I was a child?

@BillieEyelash1 - what is being suggested is fraud and deceit. Even if you have no living grandparents, the suggestion is that you pretend when you have a new job that you have 4 so you can take four days off for fake funerals.

It's pretty sick to lie about death and grief and is perpetrating a fraud on your employer.

My cautionary tale is if you lie about this and get caught (and lets face it death certificates are public records and social media catches many people out with exposing what they are actually doing), you will get fired.