To wish my child was more sporty?

[Isthisnormalornot]

I'll start by saying that I absolutely adore my DS (age 10). He came along unexpectedly after years of failed IVF when we'd given up all hope, and he has bought more joy to our lives than we ever dared imagine. We've tried to give him the best life we can without spoiling him, and I'd say we are 'firm but fair' parents.

However there's something I just can't get over. DS is not a sporty child at all. He's tried many different sports/activities over the years (dance, tennis, hockey, running, climbing etc.) and has shown little interest in any of them. Now I'm of the school of thought that sport/activity is A Very Good Thing for children and that building a healthy attitude to exercise early in life will stand them in good stead as adults, for both physical and mental health.

DS doesn't agree. He views any sort of sport/activity as a chore and will often make up excuses to try & get out of doing any sort of exertion. His school put lots of emphasis on sport and health and his classmates are often frustrated with him for not really trying during sports matches. DS says it's because he's rubbish at everything and there's no point trying, and we and his teachers have tried time & time again to make him realise that he'll only improve by actually taking part.

Neither myself or DH are big on team sports but we've both found activities we enjoy and try our hardest to demonstrate to DS that not being particularly 'good' at something shouldn't stop you from taking part. It's all about enjoyment and trying (we're naturally both very uncompetitive & take part in our own chosen activities purely because we enjoy them – winning or being the best isn't important and we stress this to DS).

Is there anything we can do to encourage DS to be more active? I'm worried that as the teen years approach he'll become less and less active and that worries me for his long term health and attitude.

YABU – you can't make a non-sporty child sporty and should just leave him be.
YANBU – keep trying and encouraging and eventually DS might find something he enjoys.

I should have added that I'm heading out for the day so won't reply until tomorrow, but would love some views & input on this.

Does he do cubs / scouts? Lots of non sporty and sporty children love this and they do so many great activities including lots outdoors.

DS11 never really found a sport he loved but he really found his tribe when we took him to karate. He's half way to black belt now & helps with the younger class too.

Great for strength, fitness, confidence & balance as well as meaning he'll be able to handle himself if he has tricky encounters when he's older

YANBU. Some kids just aren't sporty. It doesn't mean you can't drag them out for a walk/ to the beach, but they're just not sporty. They might happen upon something they like in the future. But don't make a chore out of sport, it won't encourage a love of it.

Does he do cubs / scouts? Lots of non sporty and sporty children love this and they do so many great activities including lots outdoors.

This. My youngest is away doing a six mile hike with her Scout Group today and she's camping next weekend.

I think where possible it's important to do some kind of sport or physical activity. What about swimming?

Martial arts is definitely a good shout for sport for non sporty kids.

Often kids who seem to be non sporty whe younger find their skill and passion when they get older at secondary school setting.

How much sport is on offer at school? There tends to be a greater offering at independent schools usually often with more variety.

Maybe scouts etc would encourage activity even if not sports as such?

My oldest hates PE and team sports, she’s quite shy and finds them really demoralising. But she loves swimming, climbing and taekwondo. I found being willing to go along to anything and everything, but also to drop stuff without pressing them, sooner or later you find something!

climbing and martial arts in particular are good because there’s a cerebral/etiquette aspect and lots of social stuff around them so they don’t feel like scary rugby at school where someone shouts at you when you don’t catch the ball. Keep trying!

You need to find a sport your child enjoys. There's no use forcing a kid to do something they loathe.
Skateboarding, bmx, mountain biking, swimming. All sports that are actually really good fun, don't need to cost an arm and a leg (initially) and don't feel like actual sports.

I'm a firm believer in active children, but to get active kids you need active parents. So your DH needs to step up.

I wasn't a sporty child at all. Consistently picked last and as a result hate any kind of team sport.
School was hell, a permanent cycle of tennis, rounders, field, football, all sports I hated.
Turns out I am hypermobile and struggle with balance and coordination. Team sports, running and chasing after balls would never have worked out for me.
As an adult I've discovered cycling. It suits my body and I remember as a kid absolutely loving riding bikes. I wish my parents and my school encouraged cycling as a sport.

Also yoga - great for proprioception/body control which can then help with other sports. Plus you can do videos in the living room if you’re a bit shy and want to try it out without anyone else? My kids like to do it together.

I have always hated the pressure of sport. You're always 'letting the team down' or not meeting your PB.

I would just let him try everything and anything, it doesn't have to be team based. Fencing, geocaching, golf, martial arts, mountain biking are all things he might like.

He probably won't take to anything of you're standing there eagerly expecting him to like it though. I'd try a bit of reverse psychology and tell him you don't want him to do something and you'll probably find it becomes his favourite activity.

I don't think doing sports is a necessity. I didn't do any as a kid, didn't like them.

My DS isn't interested in team sports but he rides horses so spends most Sundays outdoors at the stables.

If he thinks he’s rubbish that’s probably what’s holding him back. Is he unfit? Asthmatic? I was both and loved running around and dancing but hated sport at school - must say that the things my parents emphasised despite my complaints at the time are the things I came back to as an adult. So don’t feel you’re wasting your time, but also don’t concentrate on sportiness at the expense of other things he DOES love, it’s not the be all and end all as long as he moves around.

Have you asked your child what he is interested in? There's more to life than sport. One of my kids is into drama and music so these are the clubs he goes to. There's nothing worse than having sport forced onto you when you have proven your arnt interested, it will cause resentment.

My DS is not sporty at all but he'll happily come for a walk or go out on his bike with DH (they cover miles and miles and will combine it with a lunch stop). He's 16 now and thin as a rake. He walks a lot just getting around seeing his mates. As long as they are getting out of the house and not sat on their backsides all day he'll be fine. DS's passion is music and he's in a band. Any hobbies are fine, they don't have to be into sports.

Being active is really important for both physical and mental well-being so it's good to emphasise this.
What about park run, cycling, swimming, hiking, running club, climbing wall, roller or ice skating.

I wasn't sporty at all when I was his age. I hated team sports.
I found horse riding at the age of 12 and still do it now at the age of 43 so he may find something he enjoys that's not typical school related sport (team based).

I also hated walking when I was younger but now I get withdrawal symptoms if I don't have a daily walk!

Does he like cycling?

Keep trying OP, my DD is similar. We have just started martial arts and she is OK with walking/ hikes and tennis. We force netball outside of school which has helped her to play in school (but that is my DH who is super sporty himself).

I think it is harder for boys. My DS plays a LOT of football outside school and host friends do the same. Unfortunately it seems that most boys who are strong in sports in our school plays football (or tennis) minimum three times a Week outside school which makes the teams/playing in school inaccessible for the less sporty boys.

i would keep going with sports but trying more unusual sports (with a focus on fun) in addition to walking everywhere.

Let your DC be who he is. I wasn’t sporty as a child (poorly coordinated with hypermobile joints) - it was painful and exhausting and humiliating. And being told all the time it was good for me and character-building just made me feel like I had a bad character.

As an adult, with nobody hectoring me anymore about healthy lifestyles and good attitudes and the benefits of fresh air, or making me feel like some sort of morally inadequate weakling for not being an outdoorsy type, I go to the gym several times a week and enjoy bodypump classes and am in pretty good nick.

You don’t need to push it. He’s not going to atrophy.

Golf? Not particularly sporty DS has shown an interest in this recently. Ok - it's not a highly aerobic activity, but you do have to be outside in the fresh air and walk for three hours. Better than nothing.

Some kids just aren't sporty, and that's fine.

I was one of those kids definitely. I did enjoy riding my bike, swimming and playing badminton or table tennis. Only ever "for fun" though. I had zero interest in clubs or being serious about it.

The problem with "school sports" is that they're quite limited. And he just hasn't found the thing he likes yet!

An old primary school friend of mine, who seemed exactly the same as me, with zero interest in "organised" sport, turned out to be an INCREDIBLE long distance runner. Towards the end of secondary school, a cross country run was organised for one PE lesson and friend (to the surprise of everyone AND herself) won it by a landslide. She ended up running for the county for a couple of years.

I had another "non-sporty" friend who tried out trampolining at university, just for fun one day, and turned out to be really good. She ended up in competitions for it and everything.

IMO you BU depends upon whether you mean sporty or active.

Not every child is good or interested in sports, but as long as they are physically active that doesn't matter.

You can't make him sporty.

Mine aren't and my (rather body fascist) MIL is always fretting about this as she's convinced that anyone who doesn't do lots of sport and exercise will be overweight and unhealthy. But my brother, sister and I grew up without being sporty at all and doing nothing after we stopped having PE at schoool and none of us are overweight or unhealthy. Sister and I did start exercising in 20s/30s (brother has always just walked a lot and gets a lot of fitness from that) but relatively sedentary childhood and teens did not do us any harm.

Now oldest is starting 6th form I am trying to encourage them to exercise - not for weight control but because it's a good habit and you can see how much healthier my in-laws are in their 70s compared to my parents who didn't exercise later in life. But I get they were never the sort for team sports etc, which I always hated.

You could look at the things he does enjoy, and try to find the sport to match. E.g. if he is a gamer with good hand eye coordination, then try golf or target sports. Would he enjoy orienteering/geocaching? Watersports? Martial arts? I wouldn't push it too hard though.

If he is THE child in his class, who no-one wants on their team, then it's hard to come back from that. It's a big knock to confidence, and finding a hobby sport that he likes isn't going to fix it.

I also think if he is really so bad that he has basically given up then there is probably a reason - e.g. mild hypermobility or something - which is making it harder for him.

I'd mainly concentrate on fun active activities as a family.

I think you need to back-off a bit. He's at the age where the more you push it, the more he'll dig his heels in.

You can't make someone sporty, but he does need to be active. This can be achieved with family swim sessions, walking, trampoline park, going for a bike ride, kicking a ball about in the park etc. He doesn't need to pick a sport and do it regularly or be 'sporty' to be active.