To wish my child was more sporty?

[Isthisnormalornot]

I'll start by saying that I absolutely adore my DS (age 10). He came along unexpectedly after years of failed IVF when we'd given up all hope, and he has bought more joy to our lives than we ever dared imagine. We've tried to give him the best life we can without spoiling him, and I'd say we are 'firm but fair' parents.

However there's something I just can't get over. DS is not a sporty child at all. He's tried many different sports/activities over the years (dance, tennis, hockey, running, climbing etc.) and has shown little interest in any of them. Now I'm of the school of thought that sport/activity is A Very Good Thing for children and that building a healthy attitude to exercise early in life will stand them in good stead as adults, for both physical and mental health.

DS doesn't agree. He views any sort of sport/activity as a chore and will often make up excuses to try & get out of doing any sort of exertion. His school put lots of emphasis on sport and health and his classmates are often frustrated with him for not really trying during sports matches. DS says it's because he's rubbish at everything and there's no point trying, and we and his teachers have tried time & time again to make him realise that he'll only improve by actually taking part.

Neither myself or DH are big on team sports but we've both found activities we enjoy and try our hardest to demonstrate to DS that not being particularly 'good' at something shouldn't stop you from taking part. It's all about enjoyment and trying (we're naturally both very uncompetitive & take part in our own chosen activities purely because we enjoy them – winning or being the best isn't important and we stress this to DS).

Is there anything we can do to encourage DS to be more active? I'm worried that as the teen years approach he'll become less and less active and that worries me for his long term health and attitude.

YABU – you can't make a non-sporty child sporty and should just leave him be.
YANBU – keep trying and encouraging and eventually DS might find something he enjoys.

My ds was tall and looked like he would be good at certain sports. He has dyspraxia, was useless and hated it all, including the teachers disappointment. I would never have made him do any sport that made him unhappy. He has other much nicer interests, will happily go on a walk, and is perfectly fine.

I never wanted to do 'sport' with other children but would happily spend all day outside at that age, sailing or hillwalking or gardening. Activity matters, sport less so.

I hated sports as a child and still do. In my late 60s now I'm fitter than average and not overweight. I regularly go to a gym to do things I like - various dance styles and pilates and I walk for at least an hour most days. You don't have to be sporty to be fit let him be who he is.

As a child who wasn’t sporty: please just leave him alone. He already has to do PE at school, so don’t make him spend his leisure time doing it as well. You’re just putting him off exercise forever by pushing him into ‘activities’ that he clearly gets no enjoyment from. I guarantee you that he knows you’re disappointed and feels bad about it, too.

If it helps, I do plenty of exercise now I’m an adult, but I was so put off by being made to do organised activities as a child that I had a real hang-up about it until I was in my 30s. It messed with my self-esteem. Now, I run and do boxing workouts that I love, but I do them alone and on my own terms. I still hate organised activity. If I’d been left to my own devices as a child I’d have been way healthier about exercise in my teens and 20s.

My DS was similar. One thing I insisted he learned, as a life skill, not a sport, was swimming. We went every week, adding one length each week until he could swim a mile without a break.

I also got him a pedometer. He went from hating walks to wanting to count his steps and now as a young adult often walks 22k a day.

I'd focus on a few outcomes, not the sport itself. The skills of swimming, scootering, cycling, handling a row boat; the personal challenge and excitement of climbing a mountain or navigating a river by kayak; the pride of building muscle and strength from weight training; the pleasure of mastering a few current dance moves for the school disco etc.

But swimming is non-negotiable. It could save their lives.

I'm not "sporty" but I've always been active. I'd like to be and have tried some racquet sports but I have no natural skill nor the motivation to really work at improving. You can't and shouldn't force him.

One of mine was a very active child - not sporty as such, but liked swimming, cycling, active play etc. Stopped all activity as a teen and moans about walking as a young adult. Not all continue their interest in sports into adolescence either.

School sport is miserable - more so if you're also shit at them, whether that's because you're hypermobile, can't see properly because you need glasses or just not very coordinated/dislike the team culture (no point standing in a field somewhere if nobody's ever going to pass to you because they think you're shit and will tell you so repeatedly, after all).

The stuff I actually liked was

Outdoor climbing
Horseriding
Weight training
Kickboxing (actually making contact with pads and sparring, not the equivalent of shadowboxing)
Rowing - preferably on water, but I also really enjoy putting headphones on and just zoning out from the world for a while on an erg.

If you look at it from a different angle, what if you were trying to force him to get into gaming and were making him play any number of RPGs, First Person Shooters, Driving Games, Match 3 games, Idle Tycoon games, Fifa whatever-the-hell-it-is and he was telling you that he didn't like them, he was shit at them and didn't want to do them? Would you be trying to enforce a love of darkened rooms on summer days and encourage him to listen to others telling him he was crap over headset? You wouldn't.

He doesn't want to do something he doesn't like doing. That's OK.

Exactly this.

I loathed sport. Still do. I was no good at it, not interested in it, hated team sports and couldn't run (asthmatic). I was bullied for years at high school by the sporty kids and one of the stereotypical PE teachers - knew jack shit about anything else, expected kids to be sporty and good at it (and know the rules of games without being told, presumably by osmosis) from day one, and made it clear that kids who weren't were beneath contempt.

Don't go anywhere near that path with your son. Let him find activities he enjoys. Stop putting pressure on him - all you'll achieve is cementing his dislike of physical activity.

He doesn't have to be sporty, but he does have to be active. Cycling places instead of driving, ping-pong, trampolining, inflatable obstacle courses at the pool, junior sessions in the gym, skateboarding, ice skating, it doesn't matter if he never finds anything he's amazing at (although it would be nice for him if he did). You just keep him moving until he gets to an age where he can understand the need to do so for himself.

DS doesn't agree. He views any sort of sport/activity as a chore

Your DS is correct, leave the poor boy alone.

All this 'just find the right sport and he'll love it' is total BS. It took me to age 48 to find an exercise I could tolerate (not love, tolerate) on a regular basis.

At school the teachers and I had an unofficial deal that as long as my friend and I touched the ball once, we could spend the rest of the lesson chatting uninterupted on the side lines.

Look at things that aren't team sports: climbing, running, martial arts, swimming for fun. I hate team sports and have pretty poor hand eye coordination and thought I hated exercise for a long because of that. There's lots of benefits of exploring the woods type walking too.

BTW I hate all of the things that have been suggested as less hateable: badminton, sailing, swimming, hiking, cycling etc etc.

Particular loathing for sailing - being wet, cold, sick, shouted at and occasionally hit round the head by the boom.

It is OK for him to not enjoy any of these things.

It’s a hard one but it sounds like you need to find his thing - whatever that may be. Does he have other hobbies? Although I understand that you want him to be active, could you have a conversation with his PE teacher?

The best way to find your thing is to do as many activities as possible and land on something you want to do outside of its timetable. For instance I put my DD in all sorts and she found her interest in gymnastics through friends in the playground (and having a YouTUBe fascination with the sport) - so I put her in classes. And athletics but that was through school and realising she was one of the best in class.

What else is he passionate about? At least he can keep busy, even if it is art. If none of them are sport could you embed a culture at home? For instance my family would do yoga every evening when I was a kid. I have a friend that takes a walk with her children and another one whereby the parents run and the children join.

So true about sailing. I have no idea why I like it really.

Yes I do. Leaning over the edge of a dinghy in a near-calm, trailing a hand in the silky water, watching the clouds roll in again and easing the steering till the wind half fills the sail -- that's my happy place. Preferably without any other boats for half a mile, so I don't get run over while in a reverie.

YABU. Why are you wishing he was different instead of accepting him as he is? That can be very hurtful for a child.

Sport isn't really the goal is it? Lifelong physical activity is, so what does he enjoy and how can you make that active? Bird watching? Rocks? Flora and Fauna? Orienteering? Geocacheing? All of these can be paired with a good walk and done into adulthood.

I am so happy for you having your son.

Is he maybe just a bit introspective? In that case, team sports are pointless for him (as they were for me). But he may shine in a sport where he can play on his own and has a special skill. Try him out, if you can, at tennis, golf (mini golf?!), bowling, archery. He might have a good eye/hand. If so, he can channel any introspection into that.

How about just running, cycle, rollerskating? I have to say that I was rubbish at sports at the age of 10, but when I actually finished school I won a sports event (which gave me greater satisfaction than any good academic results).

Don't put pressure on your son. It may even be an "asset" to "despise" sports a little. I cannot help thinking that a lot of clever writers and other people secretly despised sports. I also imagine that wartime spies and those who had to go on solitary missions were at an advantage if they were NOT into the "team spirit". He doesn't like football (boring sport anyway)? Maybe he is just advanced for his age!

DS hated all sports and still does. Was a school refuser to avoid sports and PE .
We tried eveything.

He is now a talented musician,travelling the world and loving life.

Sports isnt everything.

As a child I hated sport but loved being active. I wish that this could’ve been valued instead of the idea that we have to ‘beat’ other people by running after a ball or some other arbitrary pointless thing. Don’t try and force your DC to like the things you like. Embrace them for the unique person they are and the things they are interested in.

I'm a firm believer in active children, but to get active kids you need active parents. So your DH needs to step up. Why does DH need to step up?

You dont need to send kids to expensive clubs. My ds goes out every night playing footie with his mates and is out for at least 7 hours over the weekend. He did 1500m at school this week for the first time and did it in 6m48 (i dont know if thats good ?). Lapped a few overweight kids 3 times. He is 11 and very slim.

I wouldn’t worry. DS was the same; he didn't enjoy any of the school team sports but loved swimming and would spend whole days bodyboarding on holiday. As an older teen he joined the CCF and also did a very demanding trek in Peru.
He did some rowing in Uni, dabbled with a bit of cricket and lately he has become interested in fencing. He is now married and has a baby DS and the three if them are very outdoorsy. Lack of interest in school sport never bothered us as neither DH or I are at all sporty.

My kids were not sporty at all - I'm not particularly although do like to swim. They grew up in the Middle East where sport wasn't emphasised much at school and they didn't really have an interest in it. My son now loves to play football - he's not the best but he tries and that's all that matters. My daughter is now heavily into netball and has really pushed herself this year to do well despite having an horrific leg injury last year. We are fortunate to live in a country where we can be outdoors a lot and have access to a pool so we swim most weekends and weekdays during the holidays.

If you don't play sport which in itself is a great form of exercise how do you stay fit?