To wish my child was more sporty?

[Isthisnormalornot]

I'll start by saying that I absolutely adore my DS (age 10). He came along unexpectedly after years of failed IVF when we'd given up all hope, and he has bought more joy to our lives than we ever dared imagine. We've tried to give him the best life we can without spoiling him, and I'd say we are 'firm but fair' parents.

However there's something I just can't get over. DS is not a sporty child at all. He's tried many different sports/activities over the years (dance, tennis, hockey, running, climbing etc.) and has shown little interest in any of them. Now I'm of the school of thought that sport/activity is A Very Good Thing for children and that building a healthy attitude to exercise early in life will stand them in good stead as adults, for both physical and mental health.

DS doesn't agree. He views any sort of sport/activity as a chore and will often make up excuses to try & get out of doing any sort of exertion. His school put lots of emphasis on sport and health and his classmates are often frustrated with him for not really trying during sports matches. DS says it's because he's rubbish at everything and there's no point trying, and we and his teachers have tried time & time again to make him realise that he'll only improve by actually taking part.

Neither myself or DH are big on team sports but we've both found activities we enjoy and try our hardest to demonstrate to DS that not being particularly 'good' at something shouldn't stop you from taking part. It's all about enjoyment and trying (we're naturally both very uncompetitive & take part in our own chosen activities purely because we enjoy them – winning or being the best isn't important and we stress this to DS).

Is there anything we can do to encourage DS to be more active? I'm worried that as the teen years approach he'll become less and less active and that worries me for his long term health and attitude.

YABU – you can't make a non-sporty child sporty and should just leave him be.
YANBU – keep trying and encouraging and eventually DS might find something he enjoys.

You need to do activities as a family. DS comes on runs with me or DH (which is excruciating, he is 7 and manages about 500m before he gets bored - our record is 3k over about 90 mins). We ride our bikes places. We go swimming as a family. We play football and basketball in the park together. We do yoga together. We go to the local Ninja warrior/soft play thing together. We don’t do all this stuff every week, but often enough that the solution to being bored is usually to go to the park and do some exercise together.

He does also do gymnastics and rugby and tennis and swimming lessons (often dragging his heels, he’d rather watch tv) but the family activity is the most important for his attitude to exercise.

Being sporty isn't important but being active is. Being active = better health, better mental health and is so important especially in the teen years. DD is only allowed to slob if she has had at least 1 type of physical outdoor activity per day. That can be formal sport, one of her hobbies or just walking the dog.

DD wasn't sporty at all but finally at 14 has decided she wants to go to the gym. It took lots of trying lots of things.

One thing we did which other friends didn't it refuse to drive them everywhere. This means that they have to walk to school, to the bus etc. As a result they are much more active than many of their friends.

If you don't play sport which in itself is a great form of exercise how do you stay fit?

Well obviously a large proportion of people don't stay fit. But being active in ways other than playing sports is fine. I'm not naturally sporty. I finally got fit by running in my mid 30s, but my joints don't like it now, so I walk. Pretty fast. And do yoga at home. Some people just don't enjoy sports or vigorous exercise and will always either not do it or will force themselves to and regard it as a chore. You can't make them enjoy it.

Take the pressure off. He will know you are disappointed.

Let him be him. He's not an extension of you and DH.

My older son isn't sporty he was reasonable at martial arts but that was it. He never competed. Where as my dd trains 6 times a week and competes in galas. Its her choice and both have individual interests that should be respected.

I'd agree with others- yes to getting outside and being active, back off on 'sport'.

Make a daily walk/scramble/vigorous gardening session compulsory, and look into scouts or Woodcraft folk. But stop trying to make him do anything labelled sport.

Does he like drama? Would he get into dance?

And could he cycle to school?

We were fortunate to live near to a mariners base and my non sporty dc loved kayaking/sailing/climbing and swimming.
DS now 28 also has taken up running and just ran The Wall ultra marathon.
Both DC got their professional lifeguard qualifications as well

Bloody hell OP.
You sound really disappointed in your longed for child. Back off a bit or you will make him feel inadequate. He is only young! Let him lead with what hobbies he wants to try.
Two of my three grown up DC hated sport at school.
They are now both slim, healthy, really successful in their careers with tons of artistic hobbies. One has recently started sailing competitively whilst the other goes to the gym several times a week.
The third child who was mega sporty at school and represented GB in his sport, hardly moves his butt these days.
Life isn't a competition.
Just enjoy him as he is.

There’s still time! My ds was v unsporty but then picked up skateboarding age 14 and now plays basketball and has a big interest in football and cricket. Previously couldn’t care less!
let him find his own interests