To find this a bit petty at work?

[Tohellandbeyond]

I work in a brilliant team of people, a few months back we merged with another team. I think management and maybe some others were hoping for us to all bond/click etc. However it just hasn't happened, not through lack of trying.

It's a very young team, I think the average age is around 24, not sure if this makes much difference? Most of them seem lovely and will chat to you, a couple of them will come to organised work events.

Understandably people already have their established friendship groups and are sometimes reluctant to add new ones, however we hot desk and people moving seats annoys me a little.

There is a woman I've been seated next to twice, I've tried to strike up conversation with her a couple of times, she was polite but clearly not interested in talking to me which is fine, she doesn't owe me anything. However on both occasions she has moved desks as soon as a seat next to one of her friends became available.
As far as I'm aware I don't smell bad or have any weird habits, I seem to get on with most people.

On Friday a second woman also moved next to her friend and they left me on a bank alone. I just think it's a bit petty, this isn't school.
I'm sure they can survive a few hours without sitting next to their best friend. Plus, management have specifically told people not to swap desks unless for good reason.

Why do you even care. These forced work friendships/relationships are so painful.

Yes I can understand that, I mean in our team people are genuinely friends and they seem to be in this other team too. I just think the moving desks thing is petty but I'll just try to ignore them.

Also the other week she messaged me on Teams saying 'Hii, I hope you're ok and had a lovely weekend?'
I knew instantly she needed something so didn't fall for the BS, and then straightway of course she messaged asking me to do XYZ for her.

It does seem odd and rather rude to me.
I've had a couple of jobs where we have to hotdesk. In both jobs, you sat at the same seat all day and that was very much expected.

Yeah I have a colleague in my team who checks the desk rota in advance and asks people to swap so he can sit with his close friends, people need to say no to him!

Wow. She hoped you had a nice weekend. What a bitch.

Were the teams merged so you can cover each other's work when someone is on leave? If so, it's not going to work.

You are taking it personally when it's not about you, or not wanting to sit near you. They just want to sit with their friend, providing it doesn't interfere with your ability to do the role I would ignore it and just crack on. I think it'll take a year for the two groups to fully merge

I just mean that she doesn't really care if I'm well or had a good weekend, she just said it because it sounded less blunt than 'Can you send me this please'

No it was just some re jigging of departments and management being changed.

I would feed this back to management. They need to sort this.

I might feed back 'anonomously' if I can!

why does it need to be anonymous? If I was your manager, I’d want to know about this. It could be as simple as allocating people to one of the bank of desks and then swapping it around every so often.

Yes, this is known as politeness. Have you not come across it before?

Just realised I misspelt it!
True, I don't want to look like a snitch or anything but I guess management would be interested since they've already pulled people up for doing this.

It's rude to get up and change desks like that, it would annoy me as well.

And I understand about the 'how are you' message - it's completely fake, as she has no interest in how you are.

Yeah people saying it's just polite, to me polite would just be using words like please and thank you, not pretending to give a shit about me.
Yeah, like I could understand someone moving if they were literally sitting alone and a desk next to people became available, but if they can't handle sitting next to someone who isn't their friend for a few hours, not sure they're cut out for work.

I'd assume it's
More about the
friendship than me

Your
Over
Thinking

Let Them get on with it. X

I wasn’t picking up your spelling by the way it was my iPhone dictate function. Originally it picked up “bank of deaths”

Oh dear, I say ‘hope you had a good weekend’. It’s just a turn of phrase surely? Most people start with, ‘hope all is well’, when they probably don’t care. Do you just launch straight into ‘please can you do xyz?’?!

Does it matter if they swap desks? If you don’t really care about these people, isn’t it preferable to have the seats to yourself?

In any job I've been in, small talk is the norm. Just merely saying please and thank you wouldn't be well received.

I used to work in that sort of hot desk environment which was very cliquey ( and then bitchy).

Not knowing very many people at the time as we'd moved to a different area was actually quite hurtful even if wasn't meant.

I didn't work there very long.

Do you talk too much? I have never moved during the day but I stopped sitting next to a new person in our team as she talked and interrupted me constantly. Even if I mentioned I'm busy and need to get on she had no self awareness and others had the same issue. We get along now as teammates but I never sit next to her and she sometimes still does it.

The moving desk thing would bug me. The fake interest I tend to do as I find a message asking me to do something even with a please and thank you ruder. I guess I do hope most people are well and had good weekends…same as in a general face to face conversation

I wouldn't take it personally. Some people are socially anxious with new people, and the change may have been difficult. Give it time. After all, you're there to work, not hang out.

I wouldn't have any friends if I worked in this environment because if I like a certain desk and chair I wouldn't be swapping so someone can sit with their favourite person.