To find this a bit petty at work?

[Tohellandbeyond]

I work in a brilliant team of people, a few months back we merged with another team. I think management and maybe some others were hoping for us to all bond/click etc. However it just hasn't happened, not through lack of trying.

It's a very young team, I think the average age is around 24, not sure if this makes much difference? Most of them seem lovely and will chat to you, a couple of them will come to organised work events.

Understandably people already have their established friendship groups and are sometimes reluctant to add new ones, however we hot desk and people moving seats annoys me a little.

There is a woman I've been seated next to twice, I've tried to strike up conversation with her a couple of times, she was polite but clearly not interested in talking to me which is fine, she doesn't owe me anything. However on both occasions she has moved desks as soon as a seat next to one of her friends became available.
As far as I'm aware I don't smell bad or have any weird habits, I seem to get on with most people.

On Friday a second woman also moved next to her friend and they left me on a bank alone. I just think it's a bit petty, this isn't school.
I'm sure they can survive a few hours without sitting next to their best friend. Plus, management have specifically told people not to swap desks unless for good reason.

Honestly couldn't get worked up about any of this. You're at work to do work, not to make friends. If people want to move desks to sit near their friends then so what? You have a nice quiet afternoon on an empty bank of desks 🤷‍♀️

So it's alright for them to want their friends but I should put up with it and sit alone/not expect to speak to anyone? 🤷‍♀️

I don't talk that much, I'm labelled as quiet if anything! I mean I tried to strike up small talk with her about holidays, weekend etc. But she just wasn't interested.

So you'd be more comfortable working if the person sitting next to you was forced to, and people shouldn't be allowed to want to sit with their friends? I don't see why it would make your life better. I'd be happy to sit on a bank of desks alone. Surely if she's wittering on to her mates all day it would be distracting?
It's unprofessional to swap desks mid way through your shift. The rule should be you pick a workstation and you stay there. But why it bothers you do much I don't really understand.

They can move if they want. Since when did we have an obligation not to move just in case we offend the random person next to us??

You can’t force people to be your pal. Don’t be that person who makes work a little bit more crap for everyone.

Except they were specifically told not to move by management. I'm their teammate, not some 'random person".

So what? Why does it bother you so much?

Go and complain to management if you must. Get them to force people to sit with you. See how that works out for you.

I bet you don't really care about her holidays or if she had a good weekend, you just said it because it sounded less blunt than 'I'm a bit bored at work.'

Fine by me I hate it when people use teams like I'm some sort of chat bot

And the moaning about your colleagues “insincerity” is pathetic, by the way. That’s just the way it’s done. I start almost every request at work with “hope you had a nice weekend” or “hope all is well” sort of thing. It’s a basic social nicety that you are grossly overthinking

Ok. So does it bother you because you are trying to make the team more cohesive? It does suggest to me that management are aware of the seat moving and aren't that pleased with it. So if you REALLY think it is causing issues with your work you could tell your manager that despite their directive to not move seats people are and that you're finding it makes it difficult with the team bonding.

I mean yeah, just get on with your work? You won't notice and will get loads done.

Personally I'd be thrilled to be sat a desk alone but thats just me, you seem to be a bit lonely and want someone to sit next to for company. Can you not move to sit next to a friend of your own, especially if everyones moving? If you can't beat em, join em?

No don't make it anonymous. Feed back that you're trying to make the bonded team work but it won't when people keep ignoring their instruction not to move

On the one hand you are being very unreasonable to get pissed off by someone including normal pleasantries in a message (I find if anything my youngest colleagues do this more). On the other hand you are clearly hurt by people moving from sitting next to you for no real reason - honestly I would be too if I were feeling a bit sensitive. Can you make a joke of it next time it happens? “Oh that’s fine don’t worry about me I’ll just hang out over here on my own!” with a smile.

If you’re all working on things together why don’t you all sit at one lot of desks since there seems to be plenty of room?

“I don’t want to sit next to the person who gets offended if you ask how her weekend was”

I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by moving away from them and it does seem either thoughtless or petty.

On the other hand, having a work friend really helps me get through my day and makes it easier to get through. She starts an hour after me and I countdown to it, we’ve both said it’s rubbish when the other is on AL. I couldn’t bring myself to deliberately move away from someone if we had to hotdesk though.

This tbh. Like you said, it's not school. People should be able to sit where they want, as long as the work gets done.

That's what matters, surely. You're overthinking this hugely.

It's unprofessional to swap desks mid way through your shift.

Depends on the company culture, surely? Perfectly normal where I work -generally it’s because we work on overlapping projects so you might be working on similar things to person A in the morning and person B in the afternoon, so change desks. But it could just be because you didn’t realise person C was in when you chose your desk and haven’t seen them for ages.

Seriously?

She is at work to do her job, not to be your friend.

As long as she is polite and collaborate with you on work tasks when needed, she does not need to do anything else.

Maybe you are actually even too chatty and she prefers to seat next to someone quieter.

I can also completely understand why she would want to seat next to someone she knows and has an established friendship with. It is not about you.

It really is a non issue. This is a workplace, not a school playground.

Except the manager has expressly said no swapping desks. They are clearly trying to get the team to unite and it one happen while people are stuck in their silos

You need a different job then

You can’t have a lot going on in your life if you’re posting about someone (that you don’t even appear to like very much) not sitting next to you at work. Your colleagues sounds polite and personable, but also have their own preferences about where they want to sit. Perfectly fine in a workplace full of adults.

Some people are just quiet - some people are told lies about you possibly - it could just be that for whatever reason the person does not like you and there could be many reasons you are not aware of or a single incident that was totally misread by the person

We used to get in our office - "I don't want to sit next to.." all of the time

Try not to worry to much OP

I'm not sure what the answer is as some people can be unreasonable as you have already tried the olives branches

Good luck.