I went on holiday with a few friends a few weeks ago. We’ve known each other for a couple of years now and see each other every couple of months, and I liked them all beforehand, but the holiday showed me a different side to one of them in particular.
During and after the holiday, I realised I have quite mixed feelings and emotions about this friend. I really admire her, but don’t really like her as a person (and I don’t think she likes me much either). I just feel quite sad as well, because I doubt we’ll stay in touch, but I’m equally quite relieved that I probably won’t have to socialise much with her.
To give some background, my friend moved to the U.K. (where all 3 of us live) from Portugal around 10 years ago, basically with nothing.
She’d gone to uni in Portugal and decided to move to the U.K. for better job prospects. When she moved to the U.K., she started work in a coffee shop and then applied for jobs in government, which has led her to now have quite a prestigious job. I was so impressed by this, and yes quite jealous/envious.
Although she’s still quite junior in her role, her job is very prestigious and - more importantly - I’m sure she’ll learn a lot from it. She’s now fully settled in the U.K., with British citizenship, and has just bought a place with her partner.
Her life is quite hard in lots of ways e.g. her partner can be quite controlling and at times has been physically threatening towards her, her job is very stressful and demanding and she also has a long-term (minor) health condition.
Despite all of this, she’s continued to persevere and is doing very well. She is incredibly tough and resilient, and obviously a very hard worker. She’s also very intelligent, as she’s able to work out very quickly how to navigate situations (in work and life) and to understand what’s required of her (e.g. in stressful situations at work).
However, she is also quite impatient and direct, and can be quite self-absorbed (she barely asks anyone questions when with them and will very often just talk about herself and problems in her life).
I guess I’m asking how I can be more resilient and tough, like her? I’m proud of what I’ve achieved so far in life and I feel like I’m fairly resilient.
However, I’ve definitely had fewer challenges in life than she has (I didn’t have to move countries or learn a new language to have better economic prospects, for instance).
I think I feel ‘less than’ in comparison to her.I guess I feel a bit guilty that I haven’t needed to navigate as many challenges in my life. It’s a weird feeling, especially considering I don’t really know her that well - I know a lot more about her than she does about me, as she’s not really expressed any interest in my life at all.
Is there anything I can do to help with this feeling?