Should I pay for it from my allowance?

[Calmandfree]

Every month both mine and DH salary goes into the same account. We each take out pocket money. Every 6 weeks I visit my home town in the North East to see my mother and step-father (who has a terminal illness and is frequently unwell) which is a 3 hour drive. I stay overnight, sometimes in a travelodge as may not be appropriate depending on step father to stay with my mother (they live in a 2 bedroom flat), or with a friend.

Question is should I pay for the petrol, food for my time there if I eat out and travelodge if I stay overnight, in your opinion out of my monthly allowance/pocket money or should it come out of the joint money?

I just can't believe what I'm reading.
This isn't a jaunt the OP necessarily wants to do. It's supporting a family member in a time of crisis.
Also....
Mean with money, mean with love.

Each have your own personal current account. Pay an agreed amount proportional to your Salary into a joint account for household bills and expenses. In the OP’s case, it should come out of the joint account imo.

I'd take it from the joint finances, it's not a holiday, you're going to see family who are ill, your DH doesn't have these costs as his family is close and as you made the sacrifice of moving away from your family he should help with the costs for you to maintain contact and a decent DH wouldn't dispute this imo.

When I didn't drive exh did me nightly hospital runs for see my dgm. When she died after 6 weeks dh told me I had to ask her dd for fuel money for him. I didn't work as had 4 dc under 7 and no free childcare.. Unlike his dsis who had ils at their beck and call. He had no idea about fairness in any sense..
Now an ex for many years...

Joint. Its family.

I think going every six weeks is a lot if it’s a significant amount you are spending each time. It’s also a choice you have control over doing, although I understand your reasons behind it.

Why don’t you just have one pot of money?

My DH would probably go halves on something like that, so half from my personal money and half from joint money.

I'm in your DHs position, except we just have a family pot of money, but no fixed allowance. And I never begrudge my DH the money to visit hos family, or suggest he should get less "fun money" because he spends money to visit his elderly and ill parents.

Joint money as 'compensation' for living away from your family and near his.

Joint money for trips to see family. We have a similar set up and I'd use my savings pot for special treat or present, but basically just save it.

Joint money. He doesn't have any costs associated with visiting his family as they're local. You do and you shouldn't be financially punished for that, especially if he didn't want to move near your family.

What’s your pocket money for? In our house or crafting supplies for our hobbies and that’s it. Everything else in joint.

is the problem your definition of what’s paid for by pocket money is just too broad?

Have you stayed living in a more expensive area due to not moving because he wanted to stay near his family?

If so you could argue that he should pay the extra mortgage costs from his pocket money

This would be considered an ‘expense’ in our house so wouldn’t come out of anyone’s spending money.

I would never in a million years let my DH scrimp and save his "fun" money to visit a terminally ill parent.

In our situation, my FIL and his wife lived in a fairly isolated town in northern Japan. It would never have occurred to me try and make my DH pay his own flights (of which there were several!) to visit his dying father. We are a team and it's my privilege to support him through life's difficult moments.

It really depends how you have defined what gets covered by the allowance. Does it cover any necessities? Do you use it to buy tampons? Is it just for luxury purchases?

If not, I would argue that your visit to your parents is a normal household expense, not a luxury.

As a side note, if your allowance does include things like tampons, has the size been adjusted to reflect the fact that women have more necessary purchases both physical and socially imposed?

Joint and only an absolute bastard would quibble over this.

Joint money - that's how it would work in our house.

Put it this way - if your parents gifted you money or you have an inheritance in the future, would dh expect that money to be shared or for you to keep it for yourself?

Pocket money? For two adult people?

In the situation you're in with a very ill family member this becomes a joint expense to me.

Even normal Vivian shouldn't just come from your money, building relationships with family is important.

Haha, I like your thinking. Absolutely. We would be living in a property probably 100k less than we are now!

This is true. I would ordinarily buy such products from my own money, but where do you draw the line? I need things like bras, knickers etc but pay for them out of my money. However, things like make up, face creams, hair appointments etc understandably come out of my money.

Id pay it out of the joint account. Visiting your family isn't a personal cost it's a family related expense. You aren't off on a jolly.

My mum lives in Ireland.. joint money. Although our situation sounds more fluid than yours