Should I pay for it from my allowance?

[Calmandfree]

Every month both mine and DH salary goes into the same account. We each take out pocket money. Every 6 weeks I visit my home town in the North East to see my mother and step-father (who has a terminal illness and is frequently unwell) which is a 3 hour drive. I stay overnight, sometimes in a travelodge as may not be appropriate depending on step father to stay with my mother (they live in a 2 bedroom flat), or with a friend.

Question is should I pay for the petrol, food for my time there if I eat out and travelodge if I stay overnight, in your opinion out of my monthly allowance/pocket money or should it come out of the joint money?

Your family , your costs but same would go with his family. If you are struggling perhaps increase allowance for both of you.

your allowance

You need more 'walking around money' for this difficult period of time. If you have enough money, that shouldn't be an issue. Is your DH objecting/tight fisted?

Agree @Abitorangelooking but his family are a 10 minute drive away and he didn't want to move to the North East.

If your husband has to go away, does he pay for petrol and an overnight stay out of his allowance? What's the precedent?

I would think the things you've mentioned should come out of joint money. You're not exactly spending frivolously on a treat.

Do you buy her a Christmas present? If so which pot does it come out of?

does general petrol come out of your allowance?

Your own money. But I do find it a strange setup because of you are married, isn't the money all shared anyway?
It's more a case of which pocket you take it from, but at the end of the day, does it mean you are denying yourself anything throughout the month to afford this?
If so, lower your contribution to the joint account, by a proportion of that cost. I don't believe your commitments to family should have an impact on you alone.

@Shouldbedoing no he's not objecting. I just wonder what others take on it is. DH didn't want to move to the North East so we made a joint decision to live where we are whilst DC are young but I have to use my allowance to pay to visit my family whereas he keeps his money to use for purchases for himself. I am just wondering if it's a little unfair? or not?

How much “fun money” is there to go around? If you only end up with a few hundred each to last the month then I can understand DH’s point of view that you wanting to dip in and take half of what he’d otherwise have when he’d perhaps already allocated that money for his own plans is going to leave him short.

Well it comes out of my pocket money so whilst it's joint money it's essentially my money for the month. The remainder of the joint salary goes on bills etc and savings.

Joint money tbh

No. I wouldn't use his allocated pocket money I was referring to taking it from the remainder of our joint salary for which there is more than enough remaining to pay for it.

Joint money. You need to talk to him so that can see that you have additional expense because he didn’t want to move.

If you was all going, joint money… just you, your money.

Joint.

But does taking it out of the joint money before the leftover gets split between you for spends still leave him with enough to cover the things he’s planned for like hobbies and socialising?

Do you pay similar amounts into the joint account or do you pay in proportionate to your salary?

He's tight.
Family money is for family functionality.
These are your shared children's grandparents.
Surely you would just say, 'I need another hundred this weekend for fuel and accommodation." Assuming the family finances can cope.
I do hope the kids' clothes, activities and birthdays are funded by both of you, and nit just from.your 'allowance'?

Definitely should come out of the pot, not your fun money. You are bearing an expense that DH doesn't have that benefits him, ie living near his parents and a long way from yours

Joint money.
It is a reasonable and expected level of visiting close family. You both need to be able to do that. Given your joint choices regarding the location of your home, it costs more visiting your family than his, but it isn't spending "for fun".

OP,

You are using the term 'pocket money' which is a child's term.

Might help if you reframed the language. Something like 'discretionary spend' money is a bit wordy but is more realistic.

That way, it can be flexed and you can up it based on circumstances- which I think you should based on this current need.

Petrol money isn't fun money. Joint account imo.. My mate had a tight wad dh to say the least. Abusive imo. Her dm found out she had terminal cancer one weekend. My mate had no money or petrol.. Her dh actually said it's a shame she didn't get her allowance until the Monday or she could have gone to see her. About 30 miles away.
The allowance she got from his self employed business..
Utter cunt.
Divorced eventually but she still dances to his tune..

We have a similar set up financially, the travel and accommodation costs would come out of the joint account, but if I decided to go out for dinner whilst I was there, that would come out of my own money.

For reference, FIL was very ill for around 12 weeks and subsequently died earlier this year, there was a lot of petrol/parking etc associated with that for DH and it all came out of the joint account.

I find this a strange set up to be honest. Me and DH have a joint account which we both transfer our share of the mortgage, a months worth of weekly food shop money, bills etc into. The rest of our salaries stay in our own personal accounts to spend as we see fit. I wouldn’t like the idea of an allowance and then being left short due to having to pay for travel to see parents. Especially if there is ample money left from my salary but it’s not part of my allowance.

I'd say own money but if you're struggling with having to go more often due to illness then you could agree to pay for some out of joint money.