Is my DD or my DH in the wrong?

[AnAdultCat]

Dh is a tech geek. Our house is 'operated' by our phones. Sensors / locations etc. It's a pain but I'm used to it.
However, he's recently put cameras up on our driveway and is now commenting about my daughters coming and goings. She's 19, works full time and drives. We've been away for a few days and he asked me last night who the boy was she took home. I'm assuming it's the 'friend' she's been seeing for a while (no label apparently) and is fuming about her taking someone home.
Am I in the wrong or is he? He's not her bio dad. She's an adult, I believe quite a sensible one and I feel he's invading her privacy. If the cameras weren't there we wouldn't know what she was up to.
Just wondering what other people's views are...

Yeah I wouldn't be happy about what he's doing.

Not really ok.

I do really hate all these cameras everywhere as they seem to be used more to invade privacy than to successfully catch any burglars.
Your dh is being totally out of order, your dd is an adult and her stepdad is spying on her.
Creepy weirdo.

That’s awful. Your poor daughter.

I think he’s in the wrong, it’s a huge invasion of privacy. I’d be mortified if my parents found out who I had in the house at 19, while they were away! They were non the wiser as the house was always spot less when they got home and I was happy having had some space to have friends / boyfriend around etc.

How long has he been in her life? Does he play a father type role? Or is he just your dh?

Next he'll be commenting on your comings and goings...

Depends on what time it was, how far away and what area the friend lives in, presuming no alcohol is involved. Is your DH worried? What’s the concern?

She is your DD, so as long as you think she is sensible and safe I can’t see the issue. She is an adult at the end of the day.

Cameras are useful for security but what’s he doing exactly? Watching them and then confronting her? (Because that’s a bit weird!).

She’s an adult. He’s over bearing.

Creepy AF!
Why was he looking at the footage (assuming that your house didn’t look like it had been ransacked on your return!)
Its spying pure and simple and that is not ok.

He’s being an arse. She’s an adult and is entitled to make her own choices.

Creepy weirdo vibes. Maybe your DH hasn’t thought it through from anyone else’s perspective.

Why is he furious ? What’s the issue - has he said?

I would find it a bit weird. Surely the cameras are there IF someone broke in, otherwise why even watch the recording ?

I think the use of an external security camera is fine, especially these days of increasing crime, but not to use it in the manner that your Dh does.

Thank you all! Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm too relaxed about things with her. Chances are she'll tell me when I'm back, we're quite open about most things.
He's been in her life since she was 6 and mostly are ok with each other.

I wouldn’t be happy with him actively monitoring the camera feed.
Its one thing having cameras for security, its a completely different story if he’s watching it to see what your DD is up to. Where does he draw the line?
She has given no reason (from what you’ve said) for him to be acting so OTT.

Why does it matter what time or if they were drinking?

She's an adult.

I'm not keen on the cameras but understand why we have them with recent area / trouble.
It was a good hour after she'd got home after being out for the night so he'd obviously gone back through the footage. He won't say anything to her about it, just to me.
I just wanted other people's opinions to reassure myself really... 😕

Hmmm I’m a tad on the fence- yes it does feel like an invasion of privacy but equally presumably it’s his or at least joint his house? Hopefully your daughter is trustworthy and wouldn’t knowingly bring back ‘undesirable’ characters but if you were to come home and find valuables taken? Identity theft? Scoping out a burglary? To your dh a total stranger to him is in his house without his say so

That is a total invasion of your DD's privacy. I get why people have outside security cameras but why view them unless there is a problem.

I can understand the cameras. Crime is rife and I wish I had cameras.

On the one hand, he has no need to review her comings and goings as she is an adult and presumably trustworthy.

On the other hand, I am assuming you and he own the house and she doesn't, I think he is relatively reasonable to want to know who is staying in his own home whether he's there or not.

So I'm on the fence really. I think both have done "a bit" wrong.

@ButWhatAboutTheBees It’s not her house, she’s doesn’t own it. I wouldn’t put up with anyone, let alone my child (and I don’t care how old they are) travelling alone at night, in remote areas, intoxicated- they can move out if they want to do those things. I realise that’s a personal thing. The OP didn’t say what time her DD is leaving the home / or where the friend lives and OP might not care given she’s an adult.
I’m just posting an opinion on open forum here, that’s all.

We have cameras to the front and back of the property, we back on to a wood and it’s pitch black!

If he's been in her life since she was six it may just be it's a novelty and he'll get over it quickly and revert back too how he was . It sounds like you are all used to each other . If not tell him to get a grip .

Seems the cameras are more for being nosey than security. It's none of his business she's an adult and give a lift to whoever she wishes and I doubt he'd care if it was a female friend.
He'd have to trust her judgement if she was living elsewhere and frankly when I was 19 many of my peers had left home either to uni or got own places and some even had kids.

Nosey and controlling I'd say

It’s up to you and DH what your rules are re. who stays at your house. If you don’t want men you don’t know staying there you need to discuss this with your DD.

But - if he’s monitoring the cameras like this I’d push back hard. We have a ring doorbell and DH made the mistake of asking me why I’d gone out at a certain time one day. I said that if he thought he could use the ring door bell to monitor my movements I’d rip it off the door frame.

He's creepy and controlling.

I hate all these cameras. I have friends with cameras in their living rooms, and they seem to be on all the time. So I don't go to their houses now. I find it grim to be being watched and possibly listened to, or for the video to be played back in my absence.

Of course everyone with these cameras will come on here and say "but we don't do that!" They might know that but I don't.
And there was a post on here a while ago where a husband was watching from work while his wife and a friend were chatting in her house.