Is my DD or my DH in the wrong?

[AnAdultCat]

Dh is a tech geek. Our house is 'operated' by our phones. Sensors / locations etc. It's a pain but I'm used to it.
However, he's recently put cameras up on our driveway and is now commenting about my daughters coming and goings. She's 19, works full time and drives. We've been away for a few days and he asked me last night who the boy was she took home. I'm assuming it's the 'friend' she's been seeing for a while (no label apparently) and is fuming about her taking someone home.
Am I in the wrong or is he? He's not her bio dad. She's an adult, I believe quite a sensible one and I feel he's invading her privacy. If the cameras weren't there we wouldn't know what she was up to.
Just wondering what other people's views are...

No alcohol was involved, she'd been out to a car meet with said boy. He'd driven, she's known him from school. I asked her earlier what she'd been up to and if the house was tidy. She said she'd been out but hasn't said anything over text about him staying.
From what DH said, because she'd got back late he was checking she'd got in OK. But I'm sure we would have known about it if she couldn't get in or anything!
We've never really discussed rules because she's never asked if anyone can stay over up til now!

I just think back to when I was that age and enjoying the freedom of parents being away.
And yes, we jointly own the house and she lives there.
DH has children that don't live with us, he can't 'spy' on them or query their activities.

You are minimising his frankly weird, invasive and creepy behaviour.
I would be finding a professional to come search my home with the intent to look for hidden cameras inside my house with a specific focus on the bathroom and my daughters bedroom.

Do not let his inappropriate comment slide.

We're getting the good, old, MN issue of "once your child reaches 18 they are just a guest in your house and an inconvenience"

No. They live there. It's their house too. Especially if they pay rent. You wouldn't tell a lodger to not bring guests around I'm assuming?

Reassure you that what it is ok to look through footage notice and remark on it because it really isn’t and you know that.

that level of control isn’t ok

He's being utterly creepy. It's so gross and wrong that she can't just have a boy over when her parents are away for the night at age 19 without being spied on and questioned. Ugh. What is wrong with him?!

She's 19 and brought a friend from school back to the house that she was in on her own whilst you are away. And these actions were monitored by her step father and commented on.
We have normalised gross invasions of privacy through cameras because we think it makes everything safe. There is no evidence it does, of course, but it gives opportunities for men to comment on their behaviour of adult teenage step daughters without them knowing they are being watched.
Why does he feel the need to monitor everything. Anyone watching someone else in their family on camera is creepy. But, hey, cameras make us more safe so it's a price worth paying.
They don't and it isn't.

The issue is the comments and judgement. That is weird and unacceptable. I would shut that down straight away. Why does he feel he has the right to comment on another adults life. I would put money he would be saying the opposite if it was his son.

I guess if someone wants privacy in their own home they need to get their own home and control what cameras are and are not available.

So teenagers are not allowed any privacy at all, because they can't afford a home of their own. Presumably they also need to accept their parents walking into their bedrooms or bathroom without knocking.

I know plenty of people with ring doorbells who have shown me hilarious videos of their teens/young adults coming home drunk. These are kids I've known for years. It's never been anything other than a funny anecdote.

Yes it has. It's been an egregious invasion of their teenaged/adult children's privacy, using video that they don't know exists, and that they would be massively embarrassed by, to entertain their friends.

All that's going to happen is that young women/girls with camera filled homes will take more risks and go back to guy's places instead, to avoid being spied on

I’d be livid that he went through the cameras solely to spy on her.

we have cameras on our drive because of a spate of car thefts locally - the only time the footage has been looked at is when a neighbours car was stolen to see if they’d come on to our drive.

Security cameras are for security. Not to spy on your family.

Is your dd aware of the cameras?

also, is there audio? Is she aware private conversations could be recorded if there is?

Your DH sounds like a complete creep.

She's an adult and not his daughter. Spying on her is creepy.

It’s not her house, she’s doesn’t own it. I wouldn’t put up with anyone, let alone my child (and I don’t care how old they are) travelling alone at night, in remote areas, intoxicated- they can move out if they want to do those things.

It doesn't really matter what you would/wouldn't put up with as a parent, though, because in this case the person trying to dictate what the adult woman in question can do isn't the parent.

Fair enough if there are no rules regardless of the reason. Up to you if you want to put some in now. It is NOT up to your DH to try and "catch out " your DD.