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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of for DH interrupting me while I'm working

68 replies

Cryingatthegym · 31/05/2024 09:24

DH and I both work 4 days and have 1 day each at home with our 2 toddlers a week. He goes into the office for all 4 of his days out of choice, whereas I WFH on a rota, so sometimes I'm at home on his day with the kids. He seems to think that because I'm in the house I'm available to help out with childcare and housework, and it's really starting to piss me off.

This morning I started working at 8 because I'm really busy and have deadlines to meet (he knows this), and at about 8.40 he came in and asked if I could go downstairs and watch the kids for '10 or 15 minutes' while he had a poo. I said no and he asked me what he was supposed to do. I replied asking him how he thinks I manage on my day at home when he's in the office, and he left the room in a huff.

He's taken them out now but I'm sat here still annoyed about it. I hate WFH on his day with them anyway because the noise and mess levels are insane, so I do try to go out if I can, but the library doesn't open til 9am and there's only so long I can work in a coffee shop before I start feeling rude.

AIBU?!

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 31/05/2024 09:26

Ring him at work and ask him to come home when you need a poo.

Original poster
Cryingatthegym · 31/05/2024 09:27

Just to add - I should actually have been in the office today but my youngest has had whooping cough so my manager asked me to stay at home.

And yes I know I'm posting on Mumsnet when I'm super busy with work but I feel like I needed to vent so I can get my concentration back Angry

Oh and the thread title should say pissed off WITH DH

OP posts:
Cancello · 31/05/2024 09:28

Couldn't you go in to the office when he's at home with the kids?

BlueMum16 · 31/05/2024 09:29

He's not making the link you are AT WORK.

Have a chat with him and put a sign on the door saying do not disturb?
Can you work from the library each morning and home take them out after lunch?

Alternatively can you just go into the office?

I WFH and have issues from half 3-5 when everyone arriving home so I try and take a late lunch to speak to the kids and then ensure office door is closed at 4 and send them upstairs (my are teens)

Whinge · 31/05/2024 09:30

I should actually have been in the office today but my youngest has had whooping cough so my manager asked me to stay at home.

You've been asked to stay home because your child has whooping cough, but he's taken that same child out of the house? Shock

Original poster
Cryingatthegym · 31/05/2024 09:31

Cancello · 31/05/2024 09:28

Couldn't you go in to the office when he's at home with the kids?

I could, and I have thought about it, but my office is in the middle of nowhere so it's more convenient for me to be close to home so I can do errands etc on my break. We also only have one car so if I go to the office that leaves him without the car when he has the kids.

I may have to resort to it though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cryingatthegym · 31/05/2024 09:32

Whinge · 31/05/2024 09:30

I should actually have been in the office today but my youngest has had whooping cough so my manager asked me to stay at home.

You've been asked to stay home because your child has whooping cough, but he's taken that same child out of the house? Shock

The child has done his 48 hours of quarantine since starting his antibiotics, I think my manager is just playing it safe

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 31/05/2024 09:32

Get a lock on the door your in so he can’t interrupt

so over dads who do half a job and think they need a medal for it!!

fieldsofbutterflies · 31/05/2024 09:33

@Cryingatthegym I would absolutely go to work and leave him without the car in your shoes - let him experience the consequence of his own stupidity 🤷‍♀️

Iloveacurry · 31/05/2024 09:33

kittybiscuits · 31/05/2024 09:26

Ring him at work and ask him to come home when you need a poo.

Definitely do this! What does he think you do when you’re at home with the kids and he’s at work?

Womp · 31/05/2024 09:33

What is with men taking 15 minutes to do a shit?!

Aswad · 31/05/2024 09:34

he shouldn’t be asking you to help with housework but I would’ve allowed the 10-15 minute shit.

Cbljgdpk · 31/05/2024 09:35

I hate this; it’s constant interruptions. I have pretended to be on the phone when I’ve heard footsteps on the stairs. I can choose if I’m in the office so I actively go in if kids are at home

Trickabrick · 31/05/2024 09:36

Good for you OP, stick to your guns, how does he think other parents manage when they’re in solo charge?

Also, not the point of the post but 10-15 minutes seems a long time for a toilet break, he can’t be that desperate if he has to sit for that long to be done 😂

Jeschara · 31/05/2024 09:36

Why does it take 15 minutes for him to use the loo, does he have a health condition or does he just want s break from the kids.

Cbljgdpk · 31/05/2024 09:36

@Aswad why? Unless medical issues then why? The OP has to manage.

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 31/05/2024 09:36

Womp · 31/05/2024 09:33

What is with men taking 15 minutes to do a shit?!

They go in before theyre ready. Sit there letting it brew. When i go into the toilet im ready. Mo messing. Apparently the male way is healthier.

We also only have one car so if I go to the office that leaves him without the car when he has the kids.
does he leave you without a car on your day off?

Original poster
Cryingatthegym · 31/05/2024 09:40

@TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled
does he leave you without a car on your day off?

No, his office is in the city centre so he gets public transport.

Glad I'm not alone in my annoyance, really must get back to work now Grin

OP posts:
gamerchick · 31/05/2024 09:40

Yeah I've heard that men decide they're going for a shit and they just sit there until it decides to drop out. Someone should do a study.

Get a rubber wedge for the door OP. He can't disturb you then.

maw1681 · 31/05/2024 09:54

Ridiculous! I WFH too and this would seriously piss me off.
Make a sign for your office door saying "do not disturb on a call".
I think when you've calmed down have a talk with him about acceptable behaviour when you're working. If it was me I would be expecting noise to be kept down at least around the office area and for the kids to be taken out for at least a couple of hours.

tulippa · 31/05/2024 10:14

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 31/05/2024 09:36

They go in before theyre ready. Sit there letting it brew. When i go into the toilet im ready. Mo messing. Apparently the male way is healthier.

We also only have one car so if I go to the office that leaves him without the car when he has the kids.
does he leave you without a car on your day off?

Show quote history

DH will go at the first slight rumble and wait for ages. Don't know how he's happy with wasting so much of his day on the toilet but hey ho. He's always genuinely amazed when I'm just in and out.

DH and I both WFH some days and it's definitely easier to plan it so we're not both at home on the same day. DH's days are fixed whereas I have more control over my schedule so will arrange to be onsite for his WFH days. DD also made us signs to put outside the study door which show when we can definitely not be disturbed. Plus we have a general agreement that we do not go near the study if one of us is working in there and keep noise down etc out of respect if we do happen to both be at home at the same time. DH has to make lots of sensitive phone calls and I often have Teams meetings or times when I need to concentrate. We had a discussion to work out ground rules about this as we were getting stressed with each other and it's working well now we've put them in place.

littletesco · 31/05/2024 10:19

Stand your ground OP! I told a pregnant friend recently that yeah she thinks her other half is great now but in a few months she'll be monitoring his shitting habits and waiting outside the door furiously if he's not in and out. She looked dubious but we'll see 🤣🤣

Theunamedcat · 31/05/2024 10:20

Aswad · 31/05/2024 09:34

he shouldn’t be asking you to help with housework but I would’ve allowed the 10-15 minute shit.

Why? She is working? What would he do if she had gone into work today?

I suspect he would have managed the situation

osint · 31/05/2024 10:25

one possibility is the local supermarket cafe @Cryingatthegym ?

SummerFeverVenice · 31/05/2024 10:32

I would be ok with taking a 10-15min break so a partner could use the toilet. 10-15mins isn’t going to make or break a job. If I were in the middle of something, like a meeting or desperately trying to meet a deadline, I would say set the kids up in front of TV with a show or with colouring books and I’ll watch them while on my laptop from kitchen.

It’s not like he is asking you to make them all lunch or to come help clean up 1,000,000 beads or lego pieces.