To be pissed of for DH interrupting me while I'm working

[Cryingatthegym]

DH and I both work 4 days and have 1 day each at home with our 2 toddlers a week. He goes into the office for all 4 of his days out of choice, whereas I WFH on a rota, so sometimes I'm at home on his day with the kids. He seems to think that because I'm in the house I'm available to help out with childcare and housework, and it's really starting to piss me off.

This morning I started working at 8 because I'm really busy and have deadlines to meet (he knows this), and at about 8.40 he came in and asked if I could go downstairs and watch the kids for '10 or 15 minutes' while he had a poo. I said no and he asked me what he was supposed to do. I replied asking him how he thinks I manage on my day at home when he's in the office, and he left the room in a huff.

He's taken them out now but I'm sat here still annoyed about it. I hate WFH on his day with them anyway because the noise and mess levels are insane, so I do try to go out if I can, but the library doesn't open til 9am and there's only so long I can work in a coffee shop before I start feeling rude.

AIBU?!

Yes! This. What a baby he is.

Some responses here are insane. No he shouldn’t be bothering her. What would he do about his poo if she had gone out to the office?

Make a big sign for your door OP “Keep out - I am working! Do not disturb.” and lock it or get one of those door stoppers to wedge it shut.

I think there is a difference when the person WFH is complaining about the noise of family life going on in the house, to this situation. OP is not complaining about that. Her DH is coming to disturb her when she's working just so he can take a shit. The two situations are completely different. He'd have to manage if he was on his own, like millions of parents have to every day.

Great attempt to blame this on the OP though. And all that crap that keeps getting churned up on here saying "on another thread the response was different blah blah blah" when they are often different situations.

"I didn't agree with that stance, so I'm on your side OP"

Great attempt at reading.

When he goes for his 10 minute poo, do the kids not instantly follow him up to the toilet and sit outside banging on the door and wailing about wanting to come in, needing a wee, the baby's hitting me, where's my cup, what are you doing in there, cycling back to wanting to come in? And why can't he accommodate that, like every mother ever?

Well I got through the working day, tidied up and put the kids to bed, told him I was planning to nip to the shop for some chocolate before starting my studying, and text him before leaving the house to see if he wanted anything (he's upstairs gaming and I never know when it's safe to interrupt or not). No reply from him so off I went, got back and 40 minutes later he text me from upstairs asking me to stop studying and go back to the shop for him because he's 'upset that I didn't make enough effort' to see if he wanted anything before I went. Honestly. I'm losing the will.

Now it's descended into a row about some stuff that's been building up all week and apparently I'm being abusive and manipulative and 'not myself' because 'hormones' 🙄

It sounds like you're all very stressed.

Working, studying and 3 kids is a LOT.

Only you know what the other stuff is and if his hose is reasonable. On the face of it it looks like you're both struggling to cope and if you can calm down and have a sensible conversation about making some changes it may help?

He sounds horrible, he really does. Are you OK, Op?

Do you really want to stay with this manipulator? He sounds selfish and a bit controlling, go to the shop for him, hell no, he can go himself. You asked and he did not reply.
I honestly don't think he has your best interests at heart. Do not go to the shop, refuse to engage with him, do your studying and most importantly enjoy your chocolate.

Noise cancelling headphones may help you concentrate if there's background noise and no, of course you are not being unreasonable.

He's beginning to sound like a total arse.

He's punishing you OP. Not sure why yet. Are you earning more than him, making him do his share of the chores or childcare, getting above yourself with the studying?

But whatever the reason in his mind, no normal person should be treating you like this. Look up emotional abuse and see if it resonates with you.

Your husband sounds like a whinging, whining tool.
The whole situation also seems like he is building a case about you overall being the ‘bad guy’ to excuse something he has/is planning to do himself - I would be very wary if I were you.

So you’re not allowed to interrupt him gaming, but he can demand your immediate attention while you’re working? That’s not right, is it?

Apparently the male way is healthier.

If you feel your life isn't complete without some good healthy hemorrhoids it may be.

Lol!

But why should you or the OP do this???? Shitting is is a 3 minute job and can be done a) with the children in the toilet with you if for some reason they really can’t be left or b) while the children watch TV or looking at iPads or carrying on playing. Why on earth should her working day be interrupted so he can eke out a 3 minute task having a good long stare at his phone no doubt.

what does he do when she is at work? It’s so incredibly disrespectful and just pathetic can he really not even poop without backup?

whoops just realised this was an ancient thread - oh well I’m still angry about something that happened in May!

Edit: realised I’d spent an hour working myself up about something that happened a year ago 🤣. Hope he’s been kicked into gear by now