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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance and DH

63 replies

FlippetyFlop77 · 30/05/2024 18:43

DH inherited from his parents years ago as they passed relatively young. He wisely invested in rentals at the time (years before we met). He sold one recently which enabled us to get jobs done on our home. (We are mortgage free for perspective and he has 2 daughters from a previous marriage).

He will leave the remaining rental properties to them when he passes. I will remain in our home which was purchased jointly, until my death, at which point his half will then go to his daughters, mine to my beneficiaries of choice.

I will at some point receive a fairly decent inheritance from my parents. Dad has passed and his half is in Trust. If my DM doesn't require care, her share of our family home will also come to me as I'm an only child.

My question is what do I do with it when the time comes and the house is sold? Do I put it all into our joint account? But then if I die first my parents inheritance will all go to DH and eventually his children as I don't have any DC.

Do I open a seperate account and put it all in my name (but does that seem awful?)

I don't really want the mither of investing etc, but ideally would like the majority for pension top up or if I eventually required care down the line.

So, should I just put some into our joint account (as he shared some of his inheritance with me) then the rest in an account solely in my name?

Has anyone else been in this situation and can advise on the fairest way or have any thoughts on the best way to handle things without it being awkward? It's a bit of a minefield when you don't have children together, if we did I would leave everything to DH which would eventually pass to my parents grandchildren.

I have a cordial relationship with my Step daughters but not close if that helps?

OP posts:
wizarddry · 31/05/2024 05:49

I would put it in a seperate account in the same way he has his rental properties seperate to you. You won't inherit much when he dies if he goes first so you need that cash as your care home fees etc

SleepingMermaid · 31/05/2024 05:53

Assuming you are married, putting the money into a separate account makes no difference, it's still considered joint. I'd suggest getting some legal advice on your options

wizarddry · 31/05/2024 06:28

SleepingMermaid · 31/05/2024 05:53

Assuming you are married, putting the money into a separate account makes no difference, it's still considered joint. I'd suggest getting some legal advice on your options

It absolutely is not. He won't be able to access it and if she bequeathed it in her will to someone else he wouldn't get a penny

Nottherealslimshady · 31/05/2024 06:31

A separate account. He's set the benchmark. Your finances aren't joint. His money is his. Yours is yours. I would remind him of this if he starts getting ideas about your inheritance. If he dies first you will need that money.

SD1978 · 31/05/2024 06:34

Seperate. He has determined that he will leave everything to his kids (fair) including half the house you currently live in (not sure about that, if you need care fees, etc yourself half may not go far) he's already made the decision you don't financially benefit from the relationship, you are completely entitled to do the same without it being weird or a personal slight.

Meadowfinch · 31/05/2024 06:35

SleepingMermaid · 31/05/2024 05:53

Assuming you are married, putting the money into a separate account makes no difference, it's still considered joint. I'd suggest getting some legal advice on your options

Quite a lot of difference actually. It puts it out of his easy reach for now, and allows the OP to use it as she chooses. It also has tax implications as her money rather than his.

PrettySenior · 31/05/2024 06:37

My DH has children and I don't. However the difference is that when one of us dies the other inherits 100%. If DH dies first then I'm happy to leave everything to his children when I go - out of love for him and respect for his wishes. We have wills and this is how we've set them up. It would be the same if we did have children together. DH fully trusts me to do the right thing by his children and not leave everything to a stray donkey charity or something. His children and I aren't particularly close for geographical reasons mostly but I really like and care about them both.

When DH got an inheritance he spent it on a new car for both of us. He's expecting another larger inheritance as am I, and if these happen we'll share them equally and use them to retire early.

Keepthosenamesgoing · 31/05/2024 06:39

So it sounds like the most sensible thing to do would be to keep the money separate but that should you need some future investment in your joint property you could fund that?
To keep it separate, given you are married, may require you to seek some advice.
You may want to consider whether you would like to leave a legacy somewhere if you die after your DH with your money? You could leave to a charity or something which may be a nice thing to do.

Michelle12A · 31/05/2024 06:43

He used some of his inheritance to benefit you (with the refurbishment) and kept the rest, do the same as he did. Keep some jointly and the rest in a separate account

FrogsAreMean · 31/05/2024 06:45

I wish I had multiple (or single) inheritances on the horizon
(Just. Saying 🤣)

Londonscallingme · 31/05/2024 06:46

wizarddry · 31/05/2024 06:28

It absolutely is not. He won't be able to access it and if she bequeathed it in her will to someone else he wouldn't get a penny

Show quote history

I think it depends. If you are married you can’t leave anything seemed to be ‘joint assets’ to someone else (or at least you can only leave your share to someone else). If the money is considered joint then her husband could technically contest the will if she leaves 100% of it to someone else. I believe the way it works is that you can’t bequeath anything that you wouldn’t be awarded in a divorce, or else the spouse could have grounds to contest. Obviously he won’t necessarily do that.

crumblingschools · 31/05/2024 06:53

Who would you leave it to?

NDmumoftwo · 31/05/2024 07:10

What do you want to happen? Then write it in a will. I understand why your DH has put the flats in his childrens names. If you want to do that for your beneficiaries what is stopping you? Just write a Will that says your home is your joint asset for your DH and the rest of your assets go to your chosen beneficiaries?

RandomMess · 31/05/2024 07:15

@Londonscallingme if inheritance it's kept separately and not used to fund the marriage/family it is not a joint marital asset.

CerealPonderer · 31/05/2024 07:18

But then if I die first my parents inheritance will all go to DH and eventually his children as I don't have any DC

Is there someone else you want to be your beneficiary?

SleepingMermaid · 31/05/2024 07:25

wizarddry · 31/05/2024 06:28

It absolutely is not. He won't be able to access it and if she bequeathed it in her will to someone else he wouldn't get a penny

Show quote history

If it’s a joint asset she can’t bequeath the amount to someone else, same as if she tried to leave their joint savings or other joint property to a third person. If the inheritance somehow is not a joint asset and legally ring fenced, then she can of course treat it as hers. Generally, assets acquired during a marriage are considered to be joint from a legal perspective. Morally, of course, you could argue that her husband shouldn’t want access

PashaMinaMio · 31/05/2024 07:40

Michelle12A · 31/05/2024 06:43

He used some of his inheritance to benefit you (with the refurbishment) and kept the rest, do the same as he did. Keep some jointly and the rest in a separate account

This is what I’d do. ^^

I’d also leave my estate to any younger family members whether I knew them or not. eg do you have cousins with kids?

“Keep it in the family.” Too many couples make mirror wills which ends up with “non blood” or step kids inheriting everything.

Look into giving some young descendants of your own blood family an uplift when you die.

I think you will benefit from legal advice and remember this, having made a will you can change your wishes and make a new will at any time thereafter.

Londonscallingme · 31/05/2024 07:40

RandomMess · 31/05/2024 07:15

@Londonscallingme if inheritance it's kept separately and not used to fund the marriage/family it is not a joint marital asset.

ah, I did wonder if this might be the case for inheritance but wasn’t sure. Thanks for the info

THisbackwithavengeance · 31/05/2024 07:41

PrettySenior · 31/05/2024 06:37

My DH has children and I don't. However the difference is that when one of us dies the other inherits 100%. If DH dies first then I'm happy to leave everything to his children when I go - out of love for him and respect for his wishes. We have wills and this is how we've set them up. It would be the same if we did have children together. DH fully trusts me to do the right thing by his children and not leave everything to a stray donkey charity or something. His children and I aren't particularly close for geographical reasons mostly but I really like and care about them both.

When DH got an inheritance he spent it on a new car for both of us. He's expecting another larger inheritance as am I, and if these happen we'll share them equally and use them to retire early.

What if your DH dies suddenly and you remarry? Your new DH is controlling and persuasive and does a number on you to ensure that he automatically inherits everything. You then die and your new DH would then inherit your now DH's assets bypassing his DCs who get nothing.

You only have to read threads on here to see that this happens all the time.

I would certainly not "trust" anyone when it comes to this sort of thing; so many what ifs and variables.

Bansheed · 31/05/2024 07:41

This is more about who you want it go to, should you die first?

You can keep it separate for now, in case he dies first, for your care provision.

ladymuckofthemanor · 31/05/2024 07:44

FrogsAreMean · 31/05/2024 06:45

I wish I had multiple (or single) inheritances on the horizon
(Just. Saying 🤣)

Someone will along in a bit to tell you what an awful human being you are. Inheritance is an awful thing to receive as it means your loved one is dead.

But...... same!!! 🤣 Never inherited a penny and probably never will!

Bluesky91 · 31/05/2024 07:46

FlippetyFlop77 · 30/05/2024 18:43

DH inherited from his parents years ago as they passed relatively young. He wisely invested in rentals at the time (years before we met). He sold one recently which enabled us to get jobs done on our home. (We are mortgage free for perspective and he has 2 daughters from a previous marriage).

He will leave the remaining rental properties to them when he passes. I will remain in our home which was purchased jointly, until my death, at which point his half will then go to his daughters, mine to my beneficiaries of choice.

I will at some point receive a fairly decent inheritance from my parents. Dad has passed and his half is in Trust. If my DM doesn't require care, her share of our family home will also come to me as I'm an only child.

My question is what do I do with it when the time comes and the house is sold? Do I put it all into our joint account? But then if I die first my parents inheritance will all go to DH and eventually his children as I don't have any DC.

Do I open a seperate account and put it all in my name (but does that seem awful?)

I don't really want the mither of investing etc, but ideally would like the majority for pension top up or if I eventually required care down the line.

So, should I just put some into our joint account (as he shared some of his inheritance with me) then the rest in an account solely in my name?

Has anyone else been in this situation and can advise on the fairest way or have any thoughts on the best way to handle things without it being awkward? It's a bit of a minefield when you don't have children together, if we did I would leave everything to DH which would eventually pass to my parents grandchildren.

I have a cordial relationship with my Step daughters but not close if that helps?

Open an account with fidelity/vanguard, put the whole lot in 3 index funds:

  1. nasdaq 100
  2. s&p 500
  3. global index

Decent returns with very little headache/managing. Just giving you ideas. This is NOT financial advice.

amijustbeingsuspicious · 31/05/2024 07:52

If there’s no one you actively want to leave the money to I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just leave it to DH. Do you dislike his children? You’ll be dead so it’s not like you can use the money yourself

PrettySenior · 31/05/2024 08:10

THisbackwithavengeance · 31/05/2024 07:41

What if your DH dies suddenly and you remarry? Your new DH is controlling and persuasive and does a number on you to ensure that he automatically inherits everything. You then die and your new DH would then inherit your now DH's assets bypassing his DCs who get nothing.

You only have to read threads on here to see that this happens all the time.

I would certainly not "trust" anyone when it comes to this sort of thing; so many what ifs and variables.

Show quote history

But I wouldn't do that and my DH knows it. I guess he trusts me a lot more than you do 😂!

To me it's the same as if the children were both of ours - my DH doesn't want me to be worse off financially if he goes first and his daughters need to wait for both of us to go before they inherit. Anything can happen to anyone to prevent an expected inheritance and no one should count on one, but I'll do everything in my power to protect his daughters' inheritances and he knows it.

user1492757084 · 31/05/2024 08:11

I would plan to put an amount, similar to what your DH invested into the refurbishment, into the joint coffers for you and your husband to enjoy.
The remainder, you could invest in your own name and leave that as you wish in your Will along with the half interest in your home and joint accounts and your superannuation and other assets that are soley in your name.