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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end this friendship

56 replies

whoopdedooo · 30/05/2024 18:06

I recent had a big falling out with a friend.

Her behaviour was appalling and was directed at my child, needless the to say due to that the relationship was done immediately.

There is a mutual friend who is aware of the situation and all the details of what happened and who has continued to see me and other person.

Mutual friend is a very nice person and our children play nicely together.

However I'm struggling to get past the fact that she has made excuses for the other person following their behaviour towards my child and has continued to spend time with a person who assaulted my child.

As nice as she is I don't think I can continue to be friends with her. While it's nice to say I don't expect people to choose sides in this situation I actually do.

I'm very hurt but what happened and this may be clouding my judgement. AIBU?

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 30/05/2024 18:08

People will often not choose sides and will often continue to hang out with people who haven't done anything to them.

I can see where you're coming from.

On the other hand, is it worth losing the friendship for? I guess I'm wondering if you're bothered about staying friends with her

HeadacheEarthquake · 30/05/2024 18:09

There's two sides to every story...

Kitchenwitchery · 30/05/2024 18:09

I don't think it's possible to comment unless you give an idea of what the other person did to your child. There a big difference between for example hitting the child or giving her astern telling off.

TeaKitten · 30/05/2024 18:10

What did the ex friend do?

Original poster
whoopdedooo · 30/05/2024 18:14

She's a nice kind person, and we have play dates now and then. We're not best friends by any stretch but do see each other a lot on the school circuit.

Initially I was understanding of her position as it's all very awkward but after having a few weeks to think about it I actually don't think we can all be friends individually.

I am still absolutely raging inside about what has happened and I don't like feeling like I'm potentially being reported back on and that she finds that type of behaviour acceptable.

OP posts:
Original poster
whoopdedooo · 30/05/2024 18:16

The other person physically assaulted my five year old leaving my child terrified and resulting in the police being involved

OP posts:
Stripeysocks1981 · 30/05/2024 18:17

TeaKitten · 30/05/2024 18:10

What did the ex friend do?

This. There are two sides to every story. Obviously you’re very emotional about it because it was your son involved. Your friend doesn’t have the same connection to the incident and is likely looking at it with a more balanced and unbiased view.
I do get that it stings though.

Stripeysocks1981 · 30/05/2024 18:18

Ok, cross posted with your last post.
Police involved as in your friend was charged with assault? Your post isn’t very detailed, it sounds awful and I’m struggling to see how your friend could try and justify this which makes me think there must be more to it?

purpleme12 · 30/05/2024 18:18

whoopdedooo · 30/05/2024 18:16

The other person physically assaulted my five year old leaving my child terrified and resulting in the police being involved

Mmm I can understand why you feel how you do about her

Happyddays · 30/05/2024 18:18

Did you report this woman for assaulting your child?
If not, why not?
I certainly wouldn't want to be arround someone who excused someone assaulting my child.
You need to spell out what happened and what action you took to get a clear answer.

Terrribletwos · 30/05/2024 18:22

No, I couldn't remain friends with the friend that found it ok to remain friends with the person that assaulted my child,...not even for a minute. Just no.

Littlebitofsomething · 30/05/2024 18:22

When you say assaulted, was your child physically hurt - bruised, cut?

Not that this would excuse it, but these things usually happen because one child has hurt or frightened another. Was that the case here?

When you say the police were involved, do you mean that you rang them or are they bringing charges and involving social services?

Original poster
whoopdedooo · 30/05/2024 18:22

I reported the person to the police for assaulting my child and cut ties with her immediately.

Mutual friend is aware of what happened and has said perpetrators behaviour is awful and inexcusable but continues to see this person...

It has crept up on my that actually this really isn't okay for me and in this circumstance people do need to choose a side

OP posts:
Stripeysocks1981 · 30/05/2024 18:25

In what way did she assault her? I’m assuming she was charged?

Terrribletwos · 30/05/2024 18:26

whoopdedooo · 30/05/2024 18:22

I reported the person to the police for assaulting my child and cut ties with her immediately.

Mutual friend is aware of what happened and has said perpetrators behaviour is awful and inexcusable but continues to see this person...

It has crept up on my that actually this really isn't okay for me and in this circumstance people do need to choose a side

So what is her excuse for remaining friends with the person that assaulted your child? Does she have children?

Terrribletwos · 30/05/2024 18:27

Ah, sorry she does have children? Is she not worried about them and this person's potential behaviour towards them?

Original poster
whoopdedooo · 30/05/2024 18:28

I don't want to give too many details of what happened as it could be outing. The police were involved and felt the person's behaviour warranted action.

The mutual friend also has children

OP posts:
DebtheSander · 30/05/2024 18:29

Given the circumstances, I think it would be wise to take a big step back from this friendship. You need people around you who you can trust and confide in right now. This friend can not be that person.

It is absolutely her choice to stay neutral but that choice has a consequence.

Happyddays · 30/05/2024 18:30

Based on that update I wouldn't be around her again.
Leave them to it.
That sounds horrifying.

Terrribletwos · 30/05/2024 18:30

So, is your friend not concerned about what this other person could do towards her children?

LizzieSiddal · 30/05/2024 18:31

I’d feel the same as you. I couldn’t be friends with someone who was effectively condoning an assault on my child.

MissUltraViolet · 30/05/2024 18:31

She has chosen to stay neutral which pretty much forces your hand really.

Just stay away from both of them.

DaftyLass · 30/05/2024 18:32

Is there a chance you over reacted in call the police, or did they feel charges were warranted?
Your friend may feel able to compartmentalize things, but if you aren't unable to , it's time to end the friendship

LongSinceGotUpAndGone · 30/05/2024 18:32

If you want to cut ties with her, do so, but there's no need to make a big drama about 'choosing sides' - don't make it any more awkward for her than it already is.

It's not wrong of her to want to remain friends with you both; it's understandable that you don't accept this, but she has done nothing inherently wrong by trying.

LizzieSiddal · 30/05/2024 18:35

DaftyLass · 30/05/2024 18:32

Is there a chance you over reacted in call the police, or did they feel charges were warranted?
Your friend may feel able to compartmentalize things, but if you aren't unable to , it's time to end the friendship

So a 5 year old child was assaulted, the police were called and they took action and you think the OP might have “over reacted”

What planet are you on?!

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