I have posted about my financial arrangements with ex several times over the years (under different user names) and had loads of good advice. This morning he has made me an offer and I would massively appreciate some advice on it please. I'll try to be brief but backstory is obviously relevant but if anyone does have time I would love some advice.
I was main breadwinner in marriage (lasted 8 years, together for 10) and he had always been shit with money - was well into his 30s when we met with no career, which I had. He does bits and bobs of freelance writing and works on his music. He was a decent enough househusband when our dc were little. When we split our assets amounted to £30k and he had no hope of getting a mortgage alone so selling the house was never even mentioned and I bought him out and gave him £15k with an agreement to give him an additional £10k when ds2 is 21 (in 6 years time now). He wanted to move out as he wanted 'a break'. He never wanted to stay or be the one responsible for the dc. We had had money for a deposit from his dm but I had made all mortgage repayments and he had decided we should take a remortgage to fund improvements which were not essential. He also pushed for us to move to a bigger house thereby increasing the mortgage just a year before we split, despite knowing he was cheating. He didn't make a claim against my pension. We split 10 years ago and he has the dc around 4 nights per fortnight.
After the split it became clear he was never going to put his hand in his pocket for the dc beyond feeding them when they were with him. He still saw paying as my job. They had no clothes or toys there until I provided them etc. I tried to get him to pay for stuff like swimming just to make a contribution as things were quite tight for me then but he wouldn't so I opened a CMS claim, really just to make the point. There was a period of about 18 months a few years ago when he was paying around £100 per month but other than that he has either just not paid or they've said his income is too low to have to pay anything - that was after moving to direct pay. About 3 years ago he inherited approx £200k and bought a property outright. Nothing was given to dc.
My income has recently gone up following promotion but I'm on my own and solely responsible for everything financially. I earn approx £65k now and have around £20k in savings. Both dc are likely to go to uni in the next few years, which I worry about as on my income they won't get much of a loan. I have saved separately for that via their child trust fund things and both have around £9k in those, which, together with the £20k means we should be alright. But just. I recently told ex my fears about uni as he was talking about taking the dc away for a fortnight, which he has never done before and I questioned why he was contributing nothing if taking two week holidays. He didn't reply. What I really want is for him to write off the £10k and then I would be more than happy to pay all costs for the dc going forward, which I have been doing anyway but the £10k hanging over me is a massive issue and worry.
Today he has suddenly messaged telling me he has taken out a loan to help with the dc uni costs and has received a letter from the CMS saying he will have to pay £80 per week from now on. No idea why this would be the case as they wouldn't be aware of a loan would they and it wouldn't affect his payments anyway surely? So presumably along with the loan he has got some better paying work, though if he has I doubt it will last as it never does with him. Anyway, he is saying he will put £5k in each dc's bank account tomorrow if I cancel the CMS claim and say we have come to an agreement.
What should I do? I don't trust him. Why take a loan out for the dc at least a year before they need it? It would make more sense to tell me he doesn't want the £10k. I don't care about the CMS anyway and in any case I highly doubt £80 per week would last for any length of time so I have no issue with not having that, but I want the £10k cancelled. How do I handle this in a way that's fair to the dc and doesn't leave me vulnerable to his shit and irresponsible behaviour with money?
Thank you so much if you have read this far!