Do you believe couples are of similar attractiveness?

[Ceeeeee]

I'm sure people will reply saying their DH is way more attractive than them, but in general I do think this is true.

I know attraction and looks are completely subjective, however where there's a difference it's often that the man is more powerful/wealthy, e.g. Boris Johnson, Nicolas Sarkozy.

When referring to attractiveness, it's not just in looks but in salary, skills, talents and so on.

Honestly I rarely see a very beautiful, high-earning, successful talented woman with a man who's very average-looking and a lower earner or less going for him, even if he's kind or whatever. Nor do I see it the other way round.

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. I was speaking to a male friend and he told me he wouldn't date a woman who he considered out of his league as he'd feel threatened and insecure.

IME most couples start out with the woman being more attractive, there is a point around 50 where the man is more attractive, and then by 65 the woman is more attractive again.

Ooh "appeal" is a great way to put it! I totally agree with you.

I had a beautiful friend who was married to a far less attractive man 15 years her senior. In addition she was one of those lucky people who look a decade younger and he looked a decade older. She loved his sense of humour and quiet strength. Although she was the higher earner and he was just above minimum wage, they were treated like royalty when they went out because there was an assumption that he must be a millionaire to have a woman so much younger and more attractive.

Maybe overall attractiveness rather than looks for example money, power and charisma pay a karge part in attraction

I’m definitely punching on the looks front, my husband is stunningly beautiful, it isn’t just me thinking that either, when he first met I actually found it a bit intimidating.

I do think a lot more couples now are fairly even, but is that the online dating effect where people go on pictures and a blurb, rather than meeting people more naturally.

@Ceeeeee

Yes I absolutely agree. Where the man is less attractive physically, he'll have money, power or status it seems.
As women have increasingly earned more, this is now seen both ways.

We all have a perceived value.
That value is a combination of many things including:

Looks
Money
Social status
Power
Age (youth may be considered a plus in some situations)

So someone very good looking may be with someone not attractive physically but powerful and rich. Or people of equal looks may also be of equal other things.

We see more and more older successful women with younger attractive men earlier in their careers than we used to

Or he just didn't see her as someone he wanted to date. There doesn't have to be any logical reason. We don't all like every attractive person we meet

@Thepeopleversuswork

Maybe and it was hurtful but they were being honest. A lot of young men think like that about women.

Many women with the qualities you describe are very sought after with no perceived hit to a man's status

Wallace Simpson
Queen Camilla

DH and I are equally unattractive. It’s great.

🤣🤣

There was a TV programme a few years ago where they investigated this. A random person rated the looks out of 10 of five couples and then paired them up according to score. They were correct! It only falls down when one partner is very wealthy and can attract a poorer partner.

I was gonna add this. My DH looks so much better as he's aged. I'd say we're now the same attractiveness. When we were young I was definitely better looking.

Maybe in another 10 years he'll overtake me in the looks department 😂

We're both similarly career minded and successful at work. Earn similarly, same level of education.

I think generally couples are matched in intelligence and character, even if not looks, but I can think of notable exceptions.

I'm not so sure on the 'age differently', DH and I got together at uni, and quite a few friends also got together with their DHs at uni or just after so I've seen them all 'grow up'

IME everyone has seemed to age pretty evenly as each other as you tend to eat the same in a couple, and have at least some hobbies in common (e.g. walks or pubbing or a sport etc)

What first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?

When we were young and first together I was very overweight, DH was very conventionally attractive, tall , dark hair, good physique, his previous partners were all slim blondes. I was a large redhead. Over the years I have lost a lot of weight and now take much better care of myself and he's aged a bit so he's attractive but I don't get women chatting him up in front of me anymore! So objectively we are probably on a par.

There are exceptions but generally speaking people know their level and usually end up with someone of a similar level of attractiveness.

Debbie McGee has many times explained that at the point she got together with Paul, she was actually wealthier than he was!

Judging by Paul's autobiography, they had a great sex life and shared a zany sense of humour; also shared the same moral outlook - both raving Tories 😃

When I was young I was very pretty. DH was not handsome but he was talented and had a good job. As we’ve got older I’ve become much less pretty, while DH has got an even better job. So I’d say his value has gone up while mine has gone down.

If I met him now I wouldn’t expect him to be interested in me. We are probably at the same level of looks now, but he has money and power so he’s probably more attractive as an overall package.

I was always attracted to very pretty boys but DH is a lovely average "bloke" and I'd say I'm the female equivalent (but with more hair 😂).

I think most couples I know are fairly "balanced" looks wise.

I do know one couple where the wife is simply exquisite and the husband, um, isn't. They've been very happily married for nigh on 30 years. (Unfortunately their daughter is the image of her dad.)

That’s Arthur Miller, not Norman Mailer. Mailer was no one’s idea of attractive. Even his literary gifts were oversold.

True but not to the average 17 year old boy.

In my twenties, I noticed a lot of attractive women in my circle with men who were not just less physically attractive but less interesting/intelligent/kind too. It made me wonder if the women just didn’t appreciate themselves enough or if more attractive/higher social status men are less inclined towards highly educated women.

Twenty years on my circle is more diverse, and many of the men have aged well. I’d say it’s pretty even.

Yes of course, apologies no idea why I said Norman Mailer must be brain fog!

I'd say DH and I have probably been similarly attractive averaged over our lifetimes, but we might have changed places over the years. Initially quite similar, maybe he could be considered the lucky one! I reckon I improved with age through my 20s, and he got quite slim through high level exercise which maybe didn't improve his face (excellent arse though!). The tables turned when we hit our 30s, he fully grew into his face and got more and more handsome, and I put on weight and the deep wrinkles set in. 40s now and he gets better every year I reckon, whereas some days I feel like my face resembles an old shoe. He earns significantly more. I'm a hoot though, and we love each other more than ever, so 🤷‍♀️

From my small sample, I'd say that women in their 30s/40s often seem more attractive than their partners. Of the dads at school for example there are a few attractive and/or physically fit blokes my DH included. But there are loads more standard issue balding dad-bod types. There are a few examples that have made me really double take when the dad turns up and you realise who his v attractive wife is. But, this is all superficial snap judgement from me - maybe he's charismatic and brilliant, maybe rich, maybe he was a model back in the day and age has caught up, and probably someone thinks the same about me and DH in reverse! None of it really matters, they do not have to be attractive to me.

This is a great question. I actually think my DH is seen as better looking than I am, which is the opposite to most couples, where the woman is more attractive.