Do you believe couples are of similar attractiveness?

[Ceeeeee]

I'm sure people will reply saying their DH is way more attractive than them, but in general I do think this is true.

I know attraction and looks are completely subjective, however where there's a difference it's often that the man is more powerful/wealthy, e.g. Boris Johnson, Nicolas Sarkozy.

When referring to attractiveness, it's not just in looks but in salary, skills, talents and so on.

Honestly I rarely see a very beautiful, high-earning, successful talented woman with a man who's very average-looking and a lower earner or less going for him, even if he's kind or whatever. Nor do I see it the other way round.

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. I was speaking to a male friend and he told me he wouldn't date a woman who he considered out of his league as he'd feel threatened and insecure.

I love that song. Thank you for reminding me.

As proven it's not all about looks, though the younger generation are very looks biased, saying that my eldest DD and her DH actually make me double take, incredibly good looking couple, who both think they're lucky
I think it's true that everyone ages differently and we all have our own talents and good qualities.

Yes it's definitely true. That's why I'm single because all the men I'm attracted to don't even notice me 😂

I'm better looking than DP.

Higher earning potential, better educated etc.

It's creates an unusual dynamic in our relationship.

I don't think I'd have wanted an alpha male though.

Marilyn Monroe and Norman Mailer classic example.

I think this can get jumbled in with the impact of money/time as you age.

I've really noticed in late 30s that some of our friends who are very attractive couples, its because one of them (usually the guy) has a lot of money, and so:

• often the wife works very part time and they have a schedule that has built on plenty of child free time for her to exercise a lot and remain slim
• she has a budget for a lot of personal grooming - regular haircuts & highlights, nails etc
• they both buy expensive & flattering clothing
• there's often an expensive effort to eat a particular diet. Typically its high in fish which is relatively expensive.

They look good but its at a price

I've seen couples where man or woman were partnered up with less physically attractive partners who were more confident / better educated than them. Confidence plays massive role and makes up for beauty deficit.

Well I think it’s all a question of attractive to who? Society or each other?

if it to society then usually no, there tend to be that thing where one person will be seen as more attractive by most than the other. Wealth also tend to impact how attractive society perceive someone (which I think is something women do more actually as men tend to be a bit or even a lot more threatened by women who earn more than them while it seems to give brownie points to men if they are high-earners.)

I am gay so don’t fit within the heterosexual parameters of relationship dynamics, so probably not the kind of testimonies you are looking for, either. BUT I am currently in a relationship (with another woman) and if I put things through an objective lense (and I know she would agree with me) I would say that:
on top of being the higher earner (I earn several times her salary), I am also likely the most skilled/educated and, on a superficial societal standard, likely the most attractive of the two. BUT she has the prettiest eyes of the two, she is, by far, the better cook of the two (and one of the best cook I know actually), she is the funniest of the two and also the most social, and is equally artistic as me and, very importantly, she is absolutely the MOST attractive person to ME right now.

I couldn’t give a flying fuck that some people down the street might look at us both and wonder why I am with her based on their opinion of certain physical criteria or wealth disparity. I know why I am with her, I also know she isn’t with me because I have more money, or because of my physical appearance (though no doubt us being attracted to each other is a big part of how we ended up with each other), what she gives me (in terms of who she is as a person or a partner and the way she makes me feel) far outweighs what I could ever get dating someone whose main quality is being drop dead gorgeous or high-earning & I know she feels similarly and that it’s why we are seeing each other.

I think if I dated men it would be really hard to meet a man that meets my need and is ambitious but yet not toxic about me being the higher earner and completely independent, and yet attractive in different kind of ways.

I think most attractive men are likely to want to play that alpha role and therefore would likely go for a lower earner so they can be the higher earner and have the power over a likely, equally attractive partner.

in all cases I am happy to date women, I think certain dynamics are just a little bit healthier overall between two women than in heterosexual settings due to our societal background.

As someone said above, I think people always date someone they subconsciously find around as attractive as they are, but of course attractiveness is actually the cumulative sum of lots of aspects:

• emotional
• financial
• intellectual
• social
• physical
• spiritual

It also has a lot to do with values. Someone might objectively find a 9 in their social circle very attractive, and yet they go for the 7 in the same circle because the 7’s values and trajectory match their own, which is attractive in terms of long-term relational viability, particularly if you hope to have children one day.

I think so, it's generally true. My husband's probably more physically attractive than I am these days, but I'm funnier and easier company.

To be fair, some of these comments from men could also be put down to "negging", or triangulation or just trying to be mean. I wouldn't automatically take comments about "you are weirdly attractive but not pretty and that's a problem for most men" at face value.

Couples are generally similar levels of "appeal". That includes physical, personality, financial, and each can make up for lack in another area.

My hubby's punching and he knows it ha

Women are also less likely to agree with each other on what "attractive" is. I know there are men who will prefer brunettes to blondes or vice versa or not understand why Bryan likes Angelina Jolie etc etc. Broadly though there is consensus (and even if there isn't frankly younger men in particular are more easily swayed by their friends opinion. Hence the "I find X hot but she isn't pretty" phenomenon. But there are men that some of my friends find attractive that I just think.... WHY???? And it isn't that they see past their looks to their personalities/sense of humour/wallet. They genuinely find e.g. Tony Robinson the absolute pinnacle of male beauty. On the other hand women are more picky - hence the "there are less attractive men than attractive women" comments because most women only find a minority of men attractive. Just different men to each other.

But when you are looking at a couple together you are looking at two people who likely come from a similar background, are at a similar socio-economic level (because they are a couple). similar priorities and also possibly look similar to each other because everyone male and female are subconsciously attracted to that.

I feel mean towards Tony Robinson now. But my point stands.

See, I think Norman Mailer actually looks very attractive in that photo. In a nerdy way. Its not inconceivable that Marilynn would too.

What about these two

And these two. I agree with pp though, it's more unusual to see a good looking successful man with a below average looking woman.

Which bit?

It seems pointless posting unless you actually explain what you think is mean and why.

Attraction is not something I have any control over and I certainly can't override it with any moral duty to #bekind to unattractive men. Is it "mean" to acknowledge that?

I've been drawn to partners of differing levels on the conventional physical attractiveness scale, but they've all had something going for them.

See I don't at all. BUT he does look weirdly similar to Ryan Gosling in some photos. Who I also don't find attractive but lots and lots of women do. So I guess those women would say they (Hathaway and Shulman) are a well matched couple looks wise.

What was that old checklist that use to go round email, it starts out with a long list of must haves for a perfect boyfriend/husband and as the decades wear on the list gets shorter. For many reasons I found it very true.

DH and I were mid 30s when we got together so our lists were considerably shorter than they would have been in our late teens/twenties.

Looks were part of what I found attractive when younger, but a bad boy absolutely overruled looks for me. Thankfully I took that particular requirement off my list after my first marriage.

By the time I met DH my sole intention was to find someone good enough to father my children and stick around. The fact he’s become an amazing provider has been a lucky bonus. Neither of us are what I would consider conventionally attractive, although I was once screamed at in a bar by some bloke that I had the best tits in the place! Usually I’d be told by many pricks I’d be good looking if I lost weight.

I agree with pp though, it's more unusual to see a good looking successful man with a below average looking woman.

It's rare to see a handsome man compromise on looks. So if you see him with an average woman,you almost perceive her as less attractive- when really, she's just a normal woman.

Don't think I've ever seen a good looking man with a below average woman (unless it's a passport scam)

I reckon he's gorgeous!

Yes good observation. Sometimes the weighting of these variables are a bit crazy but in general 9s date 9s and 6s date 6s

I was thinking that! I googled him for more pics and that one is a good one, but still!

I also think Anne Hathaway's husband is fairly attractive!

Surely there are better examples than these!