Our household noise is driving our neighbour insane.

[PaintDiagram]

Our next door neighbour is a sweet lady in her late eighties. She hears everything through our shared wall.

Hand on heart I can say we’re not loud people. I’m not a huge fan of background noise myself therefore rarely have the tv/radio on.

Things she’s complaining about are normal day-to-day, our shower, she hears our pipes, central heating (debatable!), washing machine etc.

I’ve just gone over to hers whilst DH flushed the toilet + ran the shower. Yes, you can hear them if you listen out for them in total silence but it’s minimal, nothing out of the ordinary.

I’ve said to DH about not using our en-suite after 10pm. DH who is usually a people pleaser has zero patience for this and says if he wants a shower at midnight, he should be able to have one.

The same with the washing machine, if there’s a convenient time for her for us to have it on. The problem is that she’s essentially housebound and therefore is always at home. Usually sitting in silence, reading next to our shared wall.

Personally I would just ignore her. She's being unreasonable.

She’s being ridiculous. You could be blasting music or watching TV until 3am, but you’re just living your lives; it’s totally unreasonable of her to complain about hearing the shower. Your husband is right not to entertain her. I’d politely inform her that you are not making any unnecessary or unreasonable noise and that she either needs to get some therapy to deal with her noise tolerance, wear earplugs or play some music to cover it up.

I wonder if she has recently got hearing aids. I have (and am not even elderly) and was amazed at the additional life noises I picked up. Even my hair crackles when it moves! It is possible if she has that may be the issue and it settles down once you get used to them.

Alternatively she is being overly sensitive.

Erm. No.

She’s being very unreasonable.

One thing to think of though is that she could have tinnitus (sure there was a thread on here ages ago about an elderly person insisting their neighbours were noisy and it turned out they had tinnitus)

You cannot not use the loo or shower because she is sitting there waiting for a noise.

She’s being a dick. Ignore her. Or tell her to move to a shed in the middle of nowhere!

She’s being unreasonable.

We have the exact same set up - our neighbours have 3 kids and we can hear the washing machine, showers, running up and down the stairs, laughing. They’re not unreasonably loud, just enjoying life. I completely agree with your husband that he can shower whenever he wants, my neighbours shower around 11.30pm and me at 6am. But nobody gives out to each other over it.

I usually have day time TV on or some music and I don’t notice the neighbours.

no I’m with your DH. That’s normal household noise. Have you only just moved in? Why is the noise only bothering her now if not? And if you have just moved then how did she cope with the neighbours before you?

there’s a difference between watching loud telly after 10pm and having a wee.

If she’s in her late 80’s it should only be a short term problem. That’s what we tell ourselves about our elderly neighbours barky dogs.

She’s being unreasonable, so there’s nothing you can do.

People are expected to be reasonably quiet between 11pm and 7am and this can be enforced by local authorities.

Outside of these time reasonable levels of noise are permitted. Washing machines, central heating pipes, normal tv radio volume, showers, talking, day to day activities, all considered acceptable even if you can hear them next door.

I think you’ll just have to ignore her about this from now on as she’s being unreasonable and there’s no point arguing with her. There’s nothing she can do about it anyway as you’re not doing anything wrong,

Unfortunately she will just have to get used to it. It is normal household noise. I too wonder if she has new hearing aids or if she's getting dementia?

I know GFIL could suddenly hear all sorts when he got fancy new hearing aids and he had to have the settings tweaked a bit as they were very sensitive to noise to the point he couldn't concerntrate what we were saying as he kept hearing buzzing, whirring, clicking etc of various household gadgets, he also claimed to be able to hear the neighbours. He had them tweaked so they don't pick up as much of the general buzzing and whirring.

Similarly GMIL suddenly started complaining of noisy neighbours. We went round to hers and whilst yes we could hear general house noise (people up and down stairs, toilets flushing, washing machine ect) it wasn't nuisance noise and not at all loud but she claimed it was very noisy every time it happened. She also sat in silence most of the day reading or watching the TV with the subtitles on and on volume 2 or else she claimed it was intolerable noise. We mentioned it to her dementia nurse and noise sensitivity is a thing as the condition progresses.

She should take her hearing aids out water them down when she really needs it to be quiet and she should try putting the radio on in another room for some very quiet background noise so that she doesn't pick up on every sound from your house.

Yep I'd just stop engaging with her. It's normal household noise. Suggest she moves into a detached house if she doesn't want to hear anything at all.

Yeah she needs to take out her hearing aids more often. My friend - aged 61 - had them recently after being diagnosed with age related deafness, and she hears everything so crystal clear with them, (AND LOUD!) that she has to turn them right down! The cat meowing in her ear is horrific! 😬 She doesn't even wear her hearing aids half the time actually.

Tell this lady to take her hearing aids out more often @PaintDiagram If she lives alone, does she really need them in all the time anyway? I am surmising she has hearing aids as every tiny sound you make seems super noisy to her!

I think a few of your have cracked it which has baffled me… she wears hearing aids!

She’s convinced that our water tank is causing her stress with how noisy it is but we can’t hear it at all. Which is quite ironic as she’s deaf. Apparently it’s keeping her awake at night which doesn’t make sense as a) we can’t hear it b) surely she doesn’t wear her hearing aid at night.

We didn’t have any problems when her husband was alive. But, he must have listened to the tv at volume 99.

If you’ve recently moved in, or she has, it is possible she has become hypersensitive to noise from previous problem neighbours- this can drive people slightly batty and it takes a while to get back to normal. A neighbour of my grandmother’s complained about TV noise, so my grandmother started wearing headphones. Then one day the neighbour came storming up to complain the TV was booming - only my mother was there, and the TV had not been on all day.

it is obviously completely reasonable for you to use your bathroom, washing machine and central heating!

I say that she is being totally unreasonable and I am with your DH.

Stop engaging with her. She needs to manage her hearing aids better than this. She can turn them down/ off overnight. She can't dictate when neighbours shower, flush the toilet etc.

Like your DH, I too would have zero sympathy with that bollocks.

I sympathise. Our previous neighbours were the same. Our house was empty for almost two years while probate went through and they got used to complete silence.
They called the police on us for having a BBQ on a Sunday afternoon and once I used the hairdryer at about 9 o clock at night and the man came round and threatened to kill me!
They actually complained to environmental health who did come round as I think they just got fed up with the constant phonecalls. They agreed that it was all normal everyday noise such as showers, walking around etc and took no further action. They did make our lives an absolute misery though for the whole time we lived there. I was terrified every time the kids laughed or the baby cried.
We moved to a detached house lol!
The couple we sold to were not very pleasant so I hope they put them in their place!

I think this sounds like a hearing aid thing too.

However I would maybe make a concession on the showers and washing machine between, say, 10.30 and 7.30. It's the wrong hill to die on IMO.

It is all normal noise, unfortunately, but I sympathise with your neighbour, as it is still annoying hearing other people go to the toilet, have a shower, chop vegetables in their kitchen etc. I think if you can avoid doing particularly noisy things like running the washing machine after 11pm, it is considerate to do so. Otherwise, there's not much either of you can do about the situation.

Not to diagnose online but my GM has recently been diagnosed with dementia and her biggest symptom was a reduced tolerance to completely normal events. She goes to church and was getting completely wound up by any children, even if they cried once and were removed instantly she would complain all day about it loudly.

Your neighbour regardless of the cause is being unreasonable, you have to use your washing machine at some point and if your DH wants to go to the toilet after 10pm he should be allowed to.

Has she got any children who visit? Perhaps you could speak to them about the issue and see if they can help? They might be able to reason with her?

Explain that it's just normal household noise and if she needs total silence she needs to move to a detached property. Tell her you don't want to hear anything more about it.

My Nan used to be like this, she had nothing else to think about so fixated on various "issues" and now my dad has started doing it.

I'm very sensitive to noise after my experiences but showers or washing machines etc never bothered me. People have to live their lives.

If she sits in silence with new hearing aids she is going to hear every little thing. She could get soundproofing perhaps?

The hearing aids explain why everything sounds so loud to her in the day. But I agree she wouldn't wear hearing aids at night.

However she may well have tinnitus (very common when you have hearing loss) and that tinnitus could manifest as various sounds, so the supposed 'water tank' noise could actually be tinnitus.

Dementia is also a possibility, as it can cause an obsession with certain things.

Anyway I would ignore her, there isn't much you can do about it.