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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feels like constant put put downs

73 replies

Rose91572 · 29/05/2024 05:54

Someone i am close to has been constantly digging lately and im starting to wonder if they secretly dont like me.

In december i came into some money as i was taken off a mortgage.
I was restarting. So i ended up renting a modern bungalow with a nice garden. I got a new job right around the corner.

Im really sensible with money and this persons been so awful they have ended up homeless. They have a flat now but have chosen to blow their money and be reckless. They have got into debt. Their flat is a bed with clothes stored in the drawers. A 2 sester sofa, tele and lamp and a few kitchen bits. The walls are unpainted and carpets are scruffy. Ive used some of my money to buy nice things for my house and ive worked hard. People always say it looks lovely.

In terms of above person ive had them stay. They are often here for dinner. They use my garden to relax in and i basically share my home with them. But the last few days its been a constant dig. I spent £20 on solar lights for my fence. They text and told me not to spend too much money. My garden sun chairs were £40 each. They had a dig at that.

This week theyve been here. Im only renting but landlord had new gates put on. They showed instant negativity towards the gates. Then they said my dad has put my washing line in drunk. This person kindly cut my grass and tidied my shed. But everything that they have said this week has been insulting.

I made awful cups of tea two days ago apparently my standards had slipped. I had been making tea for the gate man and he had seen the mans cup on the side. He also had a dig about the cup being mucky when on his 3rd drink and saying it looked like a builders cup.

He looked at my dead grandmas ornament and said it looked creepy.

He was smoking a fag and telling me all the things wrong with my house.

I like spanish cleaning products and he claimed he was itching only when at mine. Nobody else has issues.

My kids make a normal level off mess and it takes less than an hour to put the house together again. He said its because im messy and dont tidy up.

He said my friends grass cutter i borrowed was crap and the wrong cutter. It wad horrible and heavy. So was the strimmer.

He told me i dont have outgoings like trades people. When i asked him how he worked that out he said i dont have fuel or a car to run.

He told me the chocolate i got him to try was horrible because i stated it was nice.

He commented on me getting £2500 a month income as a small part is UC i work 32 hours a week.

Finally i bought a mattress for £300 last week. He said it wasnt comfortable and that he doesnt seem to be able to sleep well at my house!

Is anyone able to suggest why the last few days hes become so negative?

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 29/05/2024 06:04

No, but this person clearly rubs you up the wrong way and is adding nothing to your life. You don't like him, so why do you continue inviting him? Why does he sleep at your house anyway, seeing that he has his own accommodation?

caringcarer · 29/05/2024 06:09

Why do you keep inviting him back when you know he's going to be so negative and moaning all the time? Stop inviting him over. Find some nicer friends.

Rose91572 · 29/05/2024 06:12

Its only been the last few days. Hes a natural nightmare but he doesnt usually put me down and dig at me constantly.

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 29/05/2024 06:21

Well, if you want the relationship to continue, you can either......
Give it a break for a while in the hope that things settle down and he becomes his normal self again.
Or ask him what's wrong and try to help.
Or pull him up every time he makes one of these annoying comments.

PaminaMozart · 29/05/2024 06:22

And how is he a 'natural nightmare'? If so, why do you associate with him?

Billybobbbi · 29/05/2024 06:26

I don't know who this guy is, Family, friend or boyfriend. But you need to distance yourself. They are not nice and you don't need them in your lovely life.

lobsterkiller · 29/05/2024 06:31

If your home and garden is not up to his standards then you need to do the right thing and revoke his invite.

I had a friend like this and it was a reflection of their state of mind at the time, still not my problem though and when she started I'd state; 'time for you to go home.'

I either call it out, cut them off or treat them like the toddler they obviously are.

LifeIsJustOneBigWTAF · 29/05/2024 06:51

'Right, that's enough of the catty comments. If my bed/tea/washing line/gate is so crap then stay at home in your own shitty hovel'

Who cares why he's doing this? Don't let him undermine you in your own bloody house.

Rose91572 · 29/05/2024 06:54

He never pays his bills and is irresponsible. He has ruined his own life. I dont understand it. Feels like he begrudges me having anything

OP posts:
LoisFarquar · 29/05/2024 06:58

Rose91572 · 29/05/2024 06:54

He never pays his bills and is irresponsible. He has ruined his own life. I dont understand it. Feels like he begrudges me having anything

You haven’t answered @PaminaMozart ’s question — why do you keep inviting the ‘natural nightmare’ over and letting him spend time in your house?

Irridescantshimmmer · 29/05/2024 07:01

He's jealous of you.

You have 2 choices. Either you continue as you have been and put up with it.

Or, you can set some boundaries, distance yourself from him and don't allow him in your home as he's a spoilt brat and does not have the resilience you have.

SmileyClare · 29/05/2024 07:05

He undermines you, criticises you and thinks he can tell you what to do. He’s a bully and this is a form of emotional abuse.
He’s also abusing your kindness.

Don’t have this man around you or being any sort of role model (in how women should be treated) to your children.

AprilShowerslastforHours · 29/05/2024 07:15

He’s jealous. I’d stop inviting him over.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 29/05/2024 07:32

who is this person and what does he actually bring to your life?

SmileyClare · 29/05/2024 07:40

Who is this person?

Its clear you’re being used and abused by this man but people can better advise if you explain the relationship.

Youve given lots of fairly unnecessary details about your life but missed this out? 🤔

Theunamedcat · 29/05/2024 07:44

Stop inviting them stop allowing them to invite themselves

Raise your standards

SmileyClare · 29/05/2024 07:58

I’m guessing this person was charming, played the poor me card and offered you help in the garden for their own benefit.

You are now feeding, housing and supporting them on your wages and their mask has slipped.

Their sudden interest in you coincides with you coming into some money in December?
You’re now seeing who he really is- an insecure bully who will crush you (and probably turn very nasty if you ask them to leave).

Stargazing24 · 29/05/2024 08:00

Who is he? A new boyfriend?

Stargazing24 · 29/05/2024 08:02

Why do you share your home with them? You don’t have to.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 29/05/2024 08:05

Well, he sounds lovely.

SmileyClare · 29/05/2024 08:05

You’re also jeopardising your UC claim as a single mother if he is essentially living with you and claiming his own benefits as a single person.

That’s seen as benefit fraud although I’m sure you have good intentions.

GabriellaMontez · 29/05/2024 08:18

Is anyone able to suggest why the last few days hes become so negative?

I'd suggest he's a massive twat. He's been using you but his mask is starting to slip. He's beginning to treat you like everything else in his life. With no respect or consideration.

Fraaahnces · 29/05/2024 08:21

He can go home now. This is your place not his. He is not entitled to opinions.

LoisFarquar · 29/05/2024 08:23

SmileyClare · 29/05/2024 07:40

Who is this person?

Its clear you’re being used and abused by this man but people can better advise if you explain the relationship.

Youve given lots of fairly unnecessary details about your life but missed this out? 🤔

Yes. And you’re asking the (wrong) question that people-pleasers always ask on here — ‘does he secretly not like me?’ Which is irrelevant. He is behaving badly to you, the question is why you meekly bear it and keep ‘sharing your home’ with someone who sounds like a complete dullard (I mean, who goes on endlessly about bad cups of tea, strimmers and and gates and clotheslines?) as well as relentlessly negative?