To think you regret getting divorced?

[JoJoBluee]

Any people out there who got divorced and now regret doing so?

If so, what was the reason for divorce and why do you now think maybe it wasn’t the right decision?

I regret not doing it when my children were younger because I feel that I came across as weak and compliant to them - tho I got shot of him when youngest had finished his GCSEs. I also regret not picking someone nice to grow older with too - but I am much happier single than married.

I'd agree with this. I think my husband's ex wife sometimes regrets her choice as her lifestyle would be very different if she'd stayed with him.

And I've seen friends get back together with ex husband's after a few years of not finding someone else and realising they weren't that bad...

I think some people regret divorcing because they end up in such a financially vulnerable position and either solo parent, or miss their children when they are away every other Christmas/birthday (or away the whole time if they don’t have custody). Sometimes, someone who was a bit dull but ok when married turns into someone awful upon divorce or the circumstances after divorce are awful and that can create a regret.

For many, divorce is the start of better times.

I think this is a very naive and simplistic way of looking at it. Not all step parents have a positive impact on children's lives.

You're seriously not going to get anybody on this site openly admitting they regret getting divorced, even if they do.

Is there a reason for you asking this? Are you writing an article or something. Getting divorced takes quite a long time - plenty of time to stop the process if you have second thoughts. I’m sure there are some people who struggle post divorce and might look back on a bad marriage with rose tinted glasses but they obviously went through with it for a reason. Obviously there will be many who weren’t the instigator of the divorce and wish they were still married.
Your post reads a bit like those daily mail articles where you get a middle aged woman who claims she got divorced because her husband was essentially nice, just a bit boring, and now she realises she’s a dried up husk who no man would touch/gets nothing but dick pics on tinder and she wishes she was back with her husband but he has since moved on with someone better. They all have the underlying misogynistic message that all women need a man and that women should never get ideas above their station.

And nor do all parents, far from it.

The ex-husband was violent and abusive. Took me 16 years to leave him, with the now adult children, 24 years ago.

Even with the aftermath, which was from hell, I never once regretted leaving.

If I were to have one regret, it would be that I didn't leave years before I did.

When we left, he said, "You will never find anyone else."

I retorted, "I don't care where we go or where we end up as long as we are safe and away from you."

I didn't expect the chain of events that happened. However, I have never regretted it

Yes I happily remarried

And here

There's plenty of circumstances where people are worse off after divorce - many women wind up taking care of the children and working themselves to the bone with very little contribution from the father.

Doesn't necessarily mean they regret the divorce - especially if for example the ex cheated or got the OW pregnant etc and they just couldn't tolerate his behaviour any more,

And that's leaving out the men who decided they just couldn't cope with having a disabled kid and left their wife to deal with the situation while they fucked off and made a new family.

Personally I don't regret my divorce. I do regret that my ExH wasn't able to cope with our daughter's mental health issues and we had to leave for her physical safety.

There are decent men out there but there's a lot of shits as well and I regret that although I thought I'd found a decent one I hadn't.

No regrets, not even for a second.

Ex-H had hidden his alcoholism from me. Also he became controlling and abusive after ds was born - it started before we'd even left hospital. I gave it another two years. I should have left earlier.

I don't regret getting together with him to start with though, because that would mean regretting ds, and I couldn't do that 🤗

No regrets. Divorced him because he was unloving, unkind, and not supportive when I needed him most. Now with a partner who I really feel like part of a team on, and I realise this is how relationships are meant to be.

Nope, not for a second!

He had an affair. No regrets.

I expect it's harder when there is a less obvious 'reason' and you are weighing up freedom against financial insecurity, upheaval, unsettled children etc

Why not?

Very good points.
Divorce is also very expensive.
Being a “Single parent “ is hard, especially if far from family -

Self employed ex husbands can get away with paying barely any child maintenance, plus my ex used to say “ Can’t. Working” when he was asked to perhaps have son for a rare night.

Son never stayed overnight, it was just a few hours on a Saturday if ex deigned to turn up.

Extremely hurtful for son.

Ironically we get on ok now- Amazingly he allowed me to buy him out of the house.

That was a good thing.

Perfectly put, I feel the same

I agree with this, that's how I feel about my own divorce

What is astonishing is the amount of people who remarry after a divorce- Why?!

No way would I ever want to be married again ( and lose assets in divorce)

Second and third marriages statistically break down more frequently than first marriages-

That is just making lawyers rich.

We're getting remarried.

I do hate the woman haters on here you get on every thread, sticking up for men who have moved away ‘for work’ so can’t have the kids anymore. ‘But they NEED to WORK op’!! So does the bloody mum, but she doesn’t go knobbing off 4 hours away, or even to a different country and leaving her children behind for work. You arrange your work around your children, not the other way round.
The worst cm case I’ve come across was ex bil. He used to earn a decent wage in construction. But he’s so spiteful that the second that child maintenance caught up with him he quit his job and signed on. He’d rather go from being comfortable to living off £45 a week and at one time being homeless, than actually having to hand some of his money over to my sister for his son. Nasty, selfish twat

I regret I didn't do it 10 years earlier!

Exh on the other hand confessed to exsil that he regrets leaving me

Surely you’re not so dense as all that?!

My only regret is that I didn’t leave the marriage sooner. I kept trying to make it work and lost myself for a bit. It also made the divorce messier than it needed to be.

in some ways, maybe I would never have married him in the first place. However, part of who I am today is the result of the good times we had together. Without that life path, maybe I would be happier now, but maybe I would not.

Reason - no longer loved him and was unhappy.

Divorced - moved on, met and fell in love and now 25 years married to my DH and have had further kids. As has he. Life couldn't be better.