To think you regret getting divorced?

[JoJoBluee]

Any people out there who got divorced and now regret doing so?

If so, what was the reason for divorce and why do you now think maybe it wasn’t the right decision?

Divorced twice and the divorces have brought me nothing but joy and happiness. I don't think I'm very good at being married.

No regrets.

I celebrated when they left.

Celebrated when the paper work came through.

Absolutely not. Aside from admitting to being in love with another woman he put his friends before myself and our daughter time and time again. I didn't want her to grow up thinking this was how men treated their wives/partners.

Me too!!!

My ex wife once expressed regret that OI had left her.

But given how she behaved towards me what else did she expect.

She went on to treat her subsequent partners the same way so learnt nothing

Woo Hoo! Congratulations! How do you feel? (Getting divorced nexy week and am INCREDIBLY happy about it)

From the experience of friends rather than me I think it depends. Sometimes a marriage really is over and a women knows that it is time to leave. Particularly when the DP is abusive physically or mentally. Some of my friends have regretted divorce. With hindsight realising they had hit a rough patch and that being on your own is not easy. At the end of the day though, only the participants know what is going on in a marriage.

Not for a second. I do regret not having the courage of my convictions and divorcing him as soon as he cheated. Instead I spent 4 years miserable and checked out of the marriage and ended up meeting someone which muddied the waters.

No regrets!

I think it depends on the reason for divorce. Where there’s DV or coercive control, it’s a no-brainier, but these can often be the hardest marriages to get out of. I can’t regret marrying my ExH because of the children and I am happily remarried - but I don’t think divorce is to be undertaken lightly - I’m always sorry when I read articles that say “We just grew apart”. What that says to me is, “we couldn’t be bothered to make an effort” - which is not fair if there are children involved. The thing you lose in divorce is a shared past and mutual history - my current DH never knew my children when they were young, nor I his, for example, and I regret that my children have to have step-parents or partners of parents. I never thought I’d get divorced, much less that I would instigate it, but I am thankful on a daily basis that I’m now married to a good, kind, reliable man.

Surely the act of divorce is an expression of regret (that one married initially). So an extra layer of opposing regret seems odd. Disclaimer: I'm not divorced.

Twenty years on, not had one millisecond of regret apart from wishing I'd gone on and divorced him the first time I left him a few years earlier instead of "trying again", and even then I can't regret it entirely because I would be wishing away my youngest daughter.

I do wish I had known that I needed to be more calculating about the finances at the time. I could have done with Mumsnet and "get your ducks in a row" before I threw the ring back at him.

LOL absolutely not. Abusive cunt. My life is so much better without him. I have learned so much about myself that he squashed down, the main thing that I'm actually very capable if there's not someone telling me how useless and worthless I am all the time. And no, he didn't know better than me, ever.

Best fucking thing I ever did. Second best was marrying 2nd DH, which I wouldn’t have been able to do if I hadn’t divorced the first one.

Just seen this. Main reason was he was a lazy, sexist, arsewipe who refused to lift a finger in the house, and claimed that I should be grateful to him for providing all the money, when in fact I earned more than him.

I regret that I had to get divorced because I got married when I shouldn't have done, but that's more regretting the marriage than the divorce.

I regret that my children have to have step-parents

Why? It’s just more people to look after them surely?

Not the same but some clients I represent change their mind at the very last minute . It normally doesn’t mean they are in love . Recently a client canceled her divorce procedures after fighting for it for over 3 years . Her reason was that she was not ready to live a “ poor life “ he basically cheated on her the whole wedding and was violent on occasion and despite her being very comfortable if they divorced financially she would not be rich to the standard she is used to be ( several cars , holiday homes , non stop shopping)

No regrets at all… but I was in an abusive and coercive marriage.

If it had failed for other reasons, then maybe.

Hell no, it's the two best things I've ever done in my life

Not a single regret. Divorced because he cheated. Wish I'd never met him. Very happily remarried.

Divorce 1. Aged 30 married for less than a year. Abusive bastard (he’d already been divorced twice, then me and then his next one) he forced me into sex in positions I didn’t want. Slammed me into kitchen cupboards and tried to strangle me
Divorce 2- aged 40. New born baby - his family had always been abusive and then he started on me constant lying about everything and controlling with money etc was absolute shit - it destroyed me financially emotionally and physically. It took me years to recover.

then went through years of therapy.

now with a lovely lovely man who treats me as I always wanted but used to think I didn’t deserve or didn’t. He is totally smitten, he is stunningly attractive to me and is my safe place.

I very much regret my divorce, but it wasn't my choice so there isn't anything I could have done to stop it.

I’ve seen lots of circumstances on here. Only one where they regret breaking up with the actual man though, and it taking them a year later to realise what a fucking stupid reason it was to lose what was essentially a good man. There’s been LOADS of other circumstances on here where they didn’t miss the man as such, but their lives and sometimes their children’s lives have got so much worse. A lot of people on here encourage people to divorce useless husbands as they don’t pull their weight with the kids and around the house, as apparently divorcing them will ensure they get at least every other weekend off, loads of child maintenance money, and apparently they’ll get to prevent the ultimate house sale and live in it until the kids turn 18. Realistically a lot of these end up losing the house which of course has had to be sold to split assets, a father who refuses any contact at all. And not only barely a penny of maintenance paid, but they’re in dire straits financially as they’re now entirely responsible for their rent and living costs which their husbands did at least contribute to before. Or the other way round the father does actually want to be the main carer of the kids, they get dragged through court and the op again ends up penniless but also having her kids taken away for half the time. Also throw in the potential of the children being traumatised and the father alienating them from their mother. That’s just a few examples off the top of my head

No regrets. I divorced him because he didn’t help at home and I resented it… for YEARS. He wouldn’t change so we separated.