Visitors inviting themselves after major surgery

[Reeceseggaddict]

My DH of a couple of years is long term friends with a couple who live 2 hours away. I get on ok with them but they are his friends as I have no contact with them between meet ups. We socialize at each others house a couple of times a year max. I’ve just had major surgery a week ago and feel crap with a wound infection and I hear the husband has said they are coming over this week to show us their new car. Initially I thought it was the husband just not thinking so I told my DH that I’d message the wife and ask them to postpone it and explained that I was still on a lot of bed rest especially since the infection and she was a bit off with me / dismissive.
They weren’t invited. Although usually that’s not an issue and it’s how we both roll - will ask the others if they are up for a visit but this time they decided to invite themselves and AIBU to think they should have common sense to at least ask if I’m well enough? If I hadn’t overheard the conversation, they’d just have appeared! My DH is a people pleaser and doesn’t like to say no to people!

hope you feel better soon

Can't you just stay in bed and let him get on with it? What's what I'd do!

Sorry you're unwell OP, and you really didn't deserve a snarky reply from the "friend".
But for future reference if DH arranges something like this then let him sort it out. HE agreed an arrangement with HIS friend and then you got involved in cancelling it with the wife!

Why would you even get involved? He should have either contacted his friend again and said sorry DW still recovering and we need to postpone, or he arranges to meet them somewhere and goes himself.

It's an irritating 'joke'. It's what some people say happens on here but I've only seen it suggested when the husband has been abusive or obviously doesn't give a shiny shit.

Irrespective your husband has been thoughtless. It was up to him to resolve it and he should have contacted the husband who he made the arrangement with rather than you contacting the wife who's not even your friend.

That being said you should never invite yourself round when someone has had a major op so recently and if you do make that mistake you should be very understanding if the person says they're too ill for visitors. I don't know why she's got a problem with this and I wouldn't be too keen to meet up with her in the near future.

Then I wouldn't be in the next time they visit

Read all your threads back in order. You dont communicate politely, that’s why your thread isn’t going very well.

How did you word your text I’m wondering.

Op don't bother yourself with the nobody's on here who are trying to upset you. They are the types who will pick a fight no matter right or wrong. Just focus on your recovery.

I told my DH that I’d message the wife and ask them to postpone it

That's where husband should have stepped in & cancelled/postponed/rearranged not involving Op.

I’d need to see what your text said to know what she was responding to. TBH it can’t be anymore outing than the details we already have.

He would have done. OP messaged under her own steam rather than wait.

All these posters determined to have a problem with the dh, despite the fact that OP doesn't.

He was mildly thoughtless then apologised. She's good with that. It was never the issue.
Accept it.

I think forgetting your wife has a migraine and inviting people round is mildly thoughtless. Forgetting your wife has had surgery and is awaiting a potential cancer diagnosis and inviting people round is not mildly thoughtless. Doesn’t make him a bad person but requires a profuse apology and immediate rectification by taking it upon himself to rescind the invitation/acceptance of a visit.

Wow that's so uncaring of her. She doesn't think you're that unwell?! I feel really sorry for you awaiting your results. I pray to God it's not cancer. I'd tell your husband never to have them over again.

According to you.
The OP has taken it as it occurs in her marriage, relationship and household.

You'll just have to accept her take on it. She would know, after all.

My dh has done this, I just tnd to stay in my room He can deal with them.

You only have to briefly peruse
the relationship boards to know that a lot of women don’t realise how unacceptable their husband’s behaviour is until it’s pointed out to them by others. That doesn’t seem to be the case here but it’s certainly not always that way.

Agree wholeheartedly.
But like you say, not the case here. OP was explicit about that.

This. Coming over to show you their CAR? So weird.

Must be an amazing car. I don't think I've ever cared enough about anyone's new car to want to see it. I know I'm missing the point. Your husband could have gone to theirs. Or they could have come over and shown off their car outside and you stay in bed and they are not invited in.

But on the whole I don't think you're being unreasonable and I hope you get better soon and that it's not bad news.

Yanbu I think its one of them things people don't get unless they've had major surgery or spent a lot of time staying in hospital. What a toll it takes on your body and how exhausted you feel. Hope you start feeling better soon. All the best.