Visitors inviting themselves after major surgery

[Reeceseggaddict]

My DH of a couple of years is long term friends with a couple who live 2 hours away. I get on ok with them but they are his friends as I have no contact with them between meet ups. We socialize at each others house a couple of times a year max. I’ve just had major surgery a week ago and feel crap with a wound infection and I hear the husband has said they are coming over this week to show us their new car. Initially I thought it was the husband just not thinking so I told my DH that I’d message the wife and ask them to postpone it and explained that I was still on a lot of bed rest especially since the infection and she was a bit off with me / dismissive.
They weren’t invited. Although usually that’s not an issue and it’s how we both roll - will ask the others if they are up for a visit but this time they decided to invite themselves and AIBU to think they should have common sense to at least ask if I’m well enough? If I hadn’t overheard the conversation, they’d just have appeared! My DH is a people pleaser and doesn’t like to say no to people!

Part of me would be tempted to message back 'You're right, I'm not that unwell I just don't want to see you'. But that is a rather nuclear option… 😂

No way!
they are HIS friends so he can meet them at a pub or restaurant/cafe. There is no written rule that it has to be at home.

Get well soon!

SHE didn't invite herself, her DH did that on the phone to your DH.

You said you overheard the conversation, so why didn't he just ring him straight back when you said it wasn't convenient?

They weren’t messed around. He said it was ok without thinking but yeah he will message them to say something. These people aren’t my friends just people I know.

My DH should have said no and he knows that - he wanted to see their new car and didn’t think. But why the bitchy comment from the wife I just don’t know. They invited themselves..

Never mind I’ll delete and call the divorce lawyer instead 😩😂

Hopefully you'll never hear from these people again, but your main problem is your husband. You should read him the riot act over this. He "wasn't thinking?" Did his brain fall out? He forgot you've just had major surgery and suffered complications during the healing process? Fucking hell. He's as wet as they come and he puts other people before you. Saying yes to these people shouldn't have even crossed his mind.

Why do you keep deflecting any criticism of your husband with "Ok I should leave/divorce him"?

This whole situation is his fault, yet you're determined to blame her.

Coming to show off their new car😂

You’re probably right but I don’t have his contact information and it’s an operation for suspected gynae cancer. I thought a woman might understand more. Obviously I am unwell and probably overthinking but it was very snarky when I’d simply said can we leave it a few weeks as I’m in bed with an infection.

it’s wild on here. Now I have to leave my DH too 😂

You've mentioned leaving your husband about 4 times.

Literally no-one else has even hinted at it.

Your responses on here are utterly ridiculous. No one is saying you need to leave your husband 🙄
The other bloke said he'd come and show you guys their new car, your DH said it was ok and yet you're placing all the blame on the woman!!!!
Your DH is shit for not thinking of you and agreeing to it. You simply needed a conversation with him so that he could call them back and rearrange.
You said yourself you're not really friends with them, so why get involved?
You sound hard work.

I would be inclined to ask her what her issue is and why she is offended.

She sent me a snarky message not him. Is this too difficult to understand. They both invited themselves over and I texted her to politely say can we leave it and received a response inferring not that ill. I’m recovering from major surgery and waiting to find out if it’s cancer. It would be nothing if she’d just said oh no problem - get well soon. The issue is I have with her reaction to my polite request not to visit yet. I doubt she’d have said that to my DH.

Anyway other posters are right - this isn’t an issue to stress myself over. Goodness knows why you’re being so passionate about blaming my DH. I could have asked him to text on his return but I decided to do it. It did not warrant her response given they’d invited themselves here

It’s a joke!

Blimey - OP is getting a tough time.

OP - assuming you text something along the lines of 'sorry to have to put off your visit, I've just had XYZ and am not feeling up to it", any response other than "sorry to hear that, rest up and we will see you another time" is out of order.

😂 please do this op, she deserves it.

Go read the post. I’m pissed off about her response to me asking them to delay. I’ve had major surgery for suspected gynae cancer and she’s sent me a snarky message inferring that I’m not that unwell.. how is that my DH fault?

The comments about leaving my husband are tongue in cheek - mumsnet is notorious for everyone saying LTB.. it was a dig at that - I have no intention of leaving him!

not sure how I’m hard work when I simply asked them with 5 notice to delay their visit?

Goodness knows why you’re being so passionate about blaming my DH.

Because he caused the entire situation.

I’m recovering from major surgery and waiting to find out if it’s cancer.

This makes what your husband did even bloody worse.

Wishing you all the best OP

I think from her perspective it might have felt odd getting the text from you since it was a discussion/agreement between the two men that for all we know she wasn’t really a party to. Like you pushed her into some idd “mother” role as if the “kids” had asked for a playdate.

Not sure I’ve read anyone saying leave him. If you’ve applied the same extreme reaction to the response from dh’s friend then maybe you’re being sensitive. It doesn’t take a huge amount of thought for a dh to have a friend say can we come over and him reply, we’d love to but dw is recovering from major surgery so can we delay a few weeks?

And you have messed them around saying yes come/actually don’t. Only minor but I’d still think it would be polite for dh to apologise.

They’re not friends if they are so insensitive to your situation!

Yeah maybe but I thought given the circumstances of my operation she might have been more understanding as to why I was cancelling. It was just uncalled for in my opinion. Maybe I should have waited and asked him to call them. There was no dispute with him when I said what I’d done. He me he understood and would have texted them and apologized.

I find it a slightly weird reason for a weekend visit- to show off the new car. Now they can't come, the wife is 'off' with you. It sounds very 'keeping up with the Jones's' - that they want to show off their material wealth.
I wouldn't want to be friends with such people - cars are really 🥱 .
YANBU, especially when you're not feeling well. Don't let them guilt trip you - in fact, it's really bad form

The LTB thing was a joke.. you see it on every thread on here!

Again - my thing is about her response to me asking them to leave the visit. A visit they invited themselves for. We didn’t invite them. All DH could say is the same as what I said. Sorry but x is not up to it yet - can we delay?

@thing47 😂😂Definitely an option! Get DH to clarify and depending on what she said reiterate you've had major surgery and have a nasty infection so would rather recover before seeing people. If this woman can't understand that she definitely isn't a friend. Get well soon OP 💐

Reassuring that 95% of people don’t think I’m being unreasonable.. think the couple who do need to get some sunlight instead of attacking someone who is already feeling extremely shot The woman inferred I couldn’t be that unwell which is out of order when I was cancelling an invite they made! And no matter if my DH or I had texted/called refused their self invited visit, then that is not acceptable. I’m deleting now and focusing on my recovery.