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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family holiday

57 replies

Hydrate100 · 26/05/2024 15:09

Will try and stick to the facts. Changed name also but on here a lot.

FIL has big birthday end of May, 60. Back in October he said he wanted us to go away together so his two sons, wives and kids. We said back then that we didn't think we could afford it as my job contract is temporary and husband's contract was coming to an end in March. BIL and wife earn a great deal more than us and have multiple holidays a year. We suggested waiting to October half term when we'd hopefully know more about our jobs.

Would your parents or in laws go away with the other sibling anyway and leave the other sibling at home? AIBU and over sensitive or is it piss poor that they are all off on holiday together in August to celebrate and we can't go.

OP posts:
NosyJosie · 26/05/2024 15:14

I can see why you are disappointed that you are not going but did you expect the rest of the family to not go on a holiday because you can’t?

I think your FIL was wrong in suggesting a holiday unless he was planning on paying for everyone to go. But if he wants to go celebrate his bday with a holiday and others can go then he’s free to do so.

19lottie82 · 26/05/2024 15:14

YABU You can’t expect your PILs to not go on holiday to celebrate a big birthday, just because you can’t go. That’s ridiculous and selfish.

makeanddo · 26/05/2024 15:20

When my parents have wanted the family to celebrate a milestone event they have paid for the event/holiday.

To be honest it would have to be somewhere I really wanted to go to pay for myself and my family for something like that so in your example I just wouldn't go. If FIL wants something he pays, simple. If he doesn't you just don't go!

Cuppateatea · 26/05/2024 15:20

As a MIL I definitely wouldn’t do this. We have been away with our adult DCs, partners, DGC and we pay for the accommodation and they sort their own flights though we did pay for an all inclusive holiday for all of us. I’m aware not everyone can do this. I would have at least waited until you were able to go as I’d definitely want all my DCs there. Seems a bit mean to me.

Marblessolveeverything · 26/05/2024 15:25

So noone can have anything your don't have? YABU, it's not fair to expect others not to have a summer break because you can't afford it.

Original poster
Hydrate100 · 26/05/2024 15:47

Just feels unfair that they couldn't have waited.

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 26/05/2024 15:49

A break in the summer is very different to the autumn. So I would see it as he wants a summer break .

wizarddry · 26/05/2024 15:50

What do you expect them to do? You've said no thanks. And they've said ok then.

NosyJosie · 26/05/2024 15:51

I hope your jobs are more secure then but what if they were not then he’s waited most of the year?

I suggest you go on a lovely holiday in October if you can afford it and ask if they want to come.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 26/05/2024 15:51

Hydrate100 · 26/05/2024 15:47

Just feels unfair that they couldn't have waited.

You want him to wait 5 months past his 60th birthday?

Arlanymor · 26/05/2024 15:53

He wants to celebrate close to his birthday, I don’t think that’s unfair. I can’t afford a holiday this year, but wouldn’t begrudge anyone else going on one.

wizarddry · 26/05/2024 15:53

We suggested waiting to October half term when we'd hopefully know more about our jobs. yeah or you might not. Plus it just gets further away from his birthday. Why do you care anyway its the in laws.

YorkNew · 26/05/2024 15:56

OP do you mean book something for October half term or let them know if you can afford a holiday then?

Either way I don’t think they are being unreasonable.

Original poster
Hydrate100 · 26/05/2024 16:01

Book something for October.

OP posts:
Furrydogmum · 26/05/2024 16:04

My inlaws have very little emotional intelligence so they would go with sil without skipping a beat. My parents would want everyone or no one.

Muffin101 · 26/05/2024 16:06

Yabu. The world doesn’t revolve around you. I can understand being disappointed and a bit upset you can’t go but you can’t just expect people to hang about waiting on whether you may or may not be able to join them. So silly to expect him to keep pushing it back away from his birthday.

YorkNew · 26/05/2024 16:09

Hydrate100 · Today 16:01
Book something for October.

When did you let them know you can definitely go away in October?

Youdontevengohere · 26/05/2024 16:10

Hydrate100 · 26/05/2024 16:01

Book something for October.

You said ‘wait until October as you’d know more about your jobs by then’, but in reality what difference would it make to you if they’re booking now for August, or now for October? They’d still be booking now, while you’re in an uncertain position re your jobs. And what if they booked for October and then your job situation became worse, and you couldn’t afford it?
I think it’s unreasonable to expect them not to do something because you couldn’t afford to join them.

Daisy12Maisie · 26/05/2024 16:10

I would be pleased they are going without you as it takes the financial pressure off you.

YorkNew · 26/05/2024 16:29

So you actually told them you can go in October and they booked for August? Is that correct, if so why can’t you do in August if you can afford to go two months later?

Ponoka7 · 26/05/2024 16:44

I agree that unless you could commit to October and book it right now, then it is fine for them to go ahead and book for August. It's disappointing, bt your FIL is entitled to go away in his 60th year and his other child is entitled to celebrate with his Father.

NewName24 · 26/05/2024 17:01

YABU.
Very unreasonable to expect other people not to go on a Summer Holiday, because you can't go.

cheddercherry · 26/05/2024 17:04

Depending where they wanted to go then no, I think going away in August is usually preferable to October if it’s a sunny/ hot place. Plus it wouldn’t feel like a birthday treat so far away, more “just another holiday”. Also it sounds like you were still unsure of October so I can understand them not holding off on another “maybe we can go”. That said if grandparents want these big family holidays and they know the financial disparities between their kids they probably should make sure beforehand that the individual couples can afford something before a big announcement to go. It’s shit, but I think they’re more unreasonable for floating something you can’t afford in front of you. But in the scenario it sounds like you can’t commit and if the rest of the family can go then you can’t really say they’re unreasonable for going ahead with what FIL wanted to do the celebrate

FTPM1980 · 26/05/2024 17:07

I am confused by the timeline
You discussed last October for this summer?
You said unsure as contracts were ending soon....ie back in October?
You asked them to wait till October half term?
Does that mean wait to last October half term to book/make decision? Or wait to go until next October?

The first is reasonable but I am guessing you said you couldn't?
The second is unreasonable as you should have had an idea of financial situation well in Advance to book this summer....and its unlikely to ve significantly different from August to October.

If everyone is paying their own way then sorry its just tough. But I wouldn't badge it as a celebration, it's just a holiday.
If FIL is paying/subsidising that's clearly not on.

HerRoyalNotness · 26/05/2024 17:08

Bit weird they want a family holiday and leave half out of it, also a bit weird FIL is not paying for it. I wouldn’t invite my DC on a vacation for my birthday then expect them to pay for it