Family holiday

[Hydrate100]

Will try and stick to the facts. Changed name also but on here a lot.

FIL has big birthday end of May, 60. Back in October he said he wanted us to go away together so his two sons, wives and kids. We said back then that we didn't think we could afford it as my job contract is temporary and husband's contract was coming to an end in March. BIL and wife earn a great deal more than us and have multiple holidays a year. We suggested waiting to October half term when we'd hopefully know more about our jobs.

Would your parents or in laws go away with the other sibling anyway and leave the other sibling at home? AIBU and over sensitive or is it piss poor that they are all off on holiday together in August to celebrate and we can't go.

When my parents have wanted the family to celebrate a milestone event they have paid for the event/holiday.

this, wot *@makeanddo said.

How else could it possibly work? In what world do you invite family to pay to celebrate your birthday, when you choose the event and budget required. It's quite the ask, do they not see that?

Did you say you could definitely go in October?

I think it’s fine to ask people if they want to go on a joint holiday and not pay for everyone to go. Just as it’s fine to say sorry I can’t afford/don’t fancy that.
The PIL’s could end up spending 15k or whatever if they paid for everyone.

I think you're all a bit unreasonable. FIL for wanting a holiday to celebrate his 60th but not covering any of the cost - it should have been floated as a big family holiday instead as he wasn't paying.

YABU for changing what was proposed and expecting everyone to wait until you could commit by which time prices will have gone up.

I think it would be different if you said you could 100% go in October. But you said you might be able to go.

If you can't afford a holiday, the don't go. You can't be mad at them for going.

Life’s short, why wait, if the trip is to celebrate his 60th. Who says they won’t have another trip in October with your family.

@Hydrate100 Would you really have enjoyed a holiday with the extended family, especially if they have much more money than you?

It sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Youre being so unreasonable. October is much more limited in terms of where you’ll get nice weather. Also you suggested waiting until October when you knew more about your job-so potentially then couldn’t go anyway? So everyone should miss out? Quite a self centred attitude to have.

We suggested waiting to October half term when we'd hopefully know more about our jobs
This sounds massively non committal though. I understand why they didn’t want to wait until Oct, which is 5 months past the big birthday and means the weather might impact the choice of destination e.g. it’s past beach season in most of Europe, when you haven’t even been clear that you could definitely make it then. I get that it’s disappointing though and why you’re upset to be left out so I don’t think you’re being totally unreasonable.

I understand why you're upset but you're being unreasonable. You weren't even committing in October either. Just see how your jobs are by the.

I asked my folks what they would have done and my step-dad was quite clear - if everyone can afford it we go, if not we wouldnt.

Regarding October, I think I meant we'd wait to go away in October as the job situation would have been clearer. I've not explained it very well.

They keep chatting about it now and how excited they all are. Me and my husband work really hard and it just feels tight. Although my friend said that I'd probably dodged a bullet.

When is his birthday? If it’s the first half of the year, it’s unreasonable to ask him to put it off until October. If it’s in August, it shouldn’t be a big deal to celebrate two months after instead of two months before.

Although my friend said that I'd probably dodged a bullet.

I agree.

@Hydrate100 I’m trying hard to see what the problem is. From your clarifications it sounds like you maybe don’t want to go on holiday with them anyway

But when would you have gone yes, we have enough cash and booked the holiday for October? I don't think you understand what people are getting at.

Nobody is stopping you from having a holiday, just from going with them. You can go together in October. It’ll probably be more fun with just the two of you anyway.

His birthday is now…. Is he not having a celebration at the end of May when his birthday is?

A hol in July, more so in Oct, doesn’t really feel like it is for his birthday.

I do. I'm not stupid.

Just accept your job situation means you can't join in and get over it

I wouldn't mind although I would probably not agree to pay and go away with PILS unless it was somewhere I really wanted to go anyway.

They invited you and you - perfectly reasonably - said you didn’t want to commit to going. (To be fair, they may have interpreted it as a “we’re not keen”.) I don’t think it’s unreasonable that they then made plans without you. It’s not like they didn’t ask you to go. (Can understand why you feel a bit upset about missing out, though.)

I guess they just weren't prepared to wait until October however I'd sooner go to prison than on holiday with PIL. You probably have dodged a bullet OP.

Regarding October, I think I meant we'd wait to go away in October as the job situation would have been clearer. I've not explained it very well.

well, yes - but the 'job situation' could be clearer in that neither of you have employment.
If money is that tight, a holiday with your own family unit where you're in control of budget and itinerary sounds a lot less stressful than going to a location of somewhere that someone else has chosen. Additionally when there, there's the possibility of being faced with everyone else wanting to eat at expensive restaurants all the time, or feel that they are being restricted to lower budget options.

So you understand, but are blatantly ignoring the question because it makes you look unreasonable?

So, you think if you can't afford to go then nobody should?

I'm afraid I think YABU.