To tell him that I wish he would send more video messages/voicenotes?

[Comms85]

I've been chatting to a guy I met online for a month, it's long distance, he's like an 11 hour flight away.
Yes I know it seems pointless but I was enjoying the video messages as he's very handsome and the voicenotes as I love his accent. I was reciprocating and sending video messages and voicenotes back.
In the last 2 weeks he has pretty much just stopped sending videos or voicenotes and now just texts. For me the whole point of it is to see his face and hear his voice, I don't see the point of having a penpal who I text. For this reason it has been fizzling out and so I have backed off but he is still initiating the texting.
So I told him yesterday how I felt and that it was just fizzling out for me as I don't see him or hear him anymore, he apologized and used being busy at work as an excuse (which we all know is BS, if he wanted to he would etc)

He then said he will start sending me video messages again.
Was I out of order to say this to him? Or should I have just left it? I don't want to pressure someone into sending me videos and voicenotes if they aren't feeling like they want to but it's like he just got lazy and stopped and tbh I can't be arsed texting someone small talk etc. I have friends , I don't need another one.
I told him this yesterday and was fully prepared for it to be over , I wasn't expecting him to reply and say he would send videos again as he obviously doesn't want to or he wouldn't have stopped.

But I’m sure Take A Break gave you a fee for your story and an unflattering photo of you standing like Miss Havisham in your wedding dress pointing sadly at your laptop and your empty bank account?

LOL!!!!! I'm still waiting on the call unfortunately, but rest assured,, am practising the sad face daily 😞😞😞

This is just nonsense.

He's losing interest, it happens. An 11 hour flight away, a guy you've online-known a month, who you've been doing a little bit of light flirting with...? It's not that serious.

You are MASSIVELY over-invested.

I hate voice notes, if you want to talk to me call me and we can have a conversation where I'm allowed to participate too, but no you want to talk AT me in a way that I then need to take time out of my day to find somewhere quiet and sit silently listening to your ramblings without any spaces for a two way interaction.
At least a text I can read quickly when I get a moment.
IME prolific voice noters are needy

I get what you mean but it sounds like he stringing you along and likes having you in the background as a regular ego boost . Now you’re giving him less attention he’s worried you’ll back off altogether.

I was talking to someone in another country a while back, I asked where did they see this going as I wasn’t here for a penpal. I put them on the spot and they had to admit they saw it going nowhere. I said ok fine, thanks for letting me know - goodbye! Equally I’ve said the same thing to men and they’ve been like I’ll book a flight - can I come visit you next month? the men who are serious will let you know! My friend married her online boyfriend who lived about 16 hour aways
on a plane and they’ve been together like 20 years!

Be very direct!

Please for the love of god do not send him any money under any circumstances

💯 I have a friend who did this for the last 5 years. Long voice notes on a regular basis often about quite serious and depressing stuff going on in her life. I’d mentioned many times I’d prefer a call and she chose not to. It’s one of the many reasons why we rarely talk now.

I'm the same, it's just someone ranting at you essentially. There's no enjoyment in that at all.

@TwattyMcFuckFace@DanielGault
Because I've had 2 live video calls with him so I know it's him. Sorry @DanielGault I had previously tried to reply and now can't delete the tag

Yes. My only friend who regularly uses voice notes does so because she’s either walking her dog or in her car (she’s a peripatetic rurally-based yoga teacher), so I deal, because it’s easier for her for obvious reasons, and she’s great, but I’m not wild about it.

@Cloudylilac thanks for the advice and good to know you have experienced a long distance situation as well. Yes I really need to be direct. That's why I told him how I felt yesterday, I was trying to be direct and knew that it could put him off

it's funny with friends I actually prefer a voicenote to a call, I have a friend that phones me randomly and I hate it, I wish she would just voicenote me. I'm a big fan of voicenotes, I could never stand and type all that out on a text, I'd be standing there for an hour!
I actually hate that 9 out of 10 guys that I have dated never do them, they will do them at the start to humour me and then stop and just fall back into texting. I guess we all like what we like. I don't mind texting either if course but when it's just constant texting then I get bored

I guess he's just not a voicenoter and has resorted to his usual ways of just texting people,

Also if he lived local, I would not care that he doesn't voicenote or send me videos of him, because I would get to see him. But this guy lives 5000 miles away and so it's important for me to get to see his face and hear his accent etc, it's what made me like him in the first place. It's not like I'm going to get to see him any time soon, if at all , so this is the next best thing.

I think it’s one thing to be direct with someone you are dating and in a relationship with, I absolutely think it’s important to clearly state your needs in that situation. But with a stranger who you’ve never met, who lives on the other side of the world, I think this is all just a bit ridiculous really.

It's not like I'm going to get to see him any time soon, if at all , so this is the next best thing.

The best thing to do is wake up and stop contacting him.

Otherwise before you know it you'll be 'in love' and starting threads about how painful the distance is.

Is this a reverse?

I’m currently going through the exact same thing but with a guy who wants to do video messages and photos.

He too is backing off from me because I won’t do it as often as he likes.

Its a shame because I really fancy him but I just hate doing videos/photos and find them so much harder than just sending a quick text.

It is putting me off of him because it feels petty that he’s practically sulking because I’m not doing these things.
It also seems quite needy.

Ultimately it sounds like you two just aren’t compatible and perhaps you’re just not that into him.

@Choochoo21 I am into him but as it's long distance and I'm not going to see him or hear him in real life any time soon then the next best thing is to see him on video or hear his voice on a voicenote. To me it is absolutely pointless having any sort of long distance situation via text solely. And yes maybe we are incompatible..He did send videos and voicenotes for the first 2 weeks and then stopped and then because he stopped , I did as well , so now we are just texting and I don't want a penpal

I'm also not saying that he must only send me videos and voicenotes , of course not but he has literally just been texting me the last couple weeks with not a single voicenote or video

O come on. His wife has come back from her work trip / girls holiday / visit to her mum, so he doesn't get peace and quiet to record videos and voice notes for you any more. Chalk this one up to experience, and look for a man you can have a real relationship with.

@PonyPatter44 yeah that could very well be the case. Either way, I'm just going to move on

He sent me a video 😍 it was so good to see him again. Wish I didn't like someone so much who lives so far away. I honestly gave him the opportunity to go but he didn't , well not yet anyway.

But if you are unlikely to ever even see each other in person then he is just a pen pal, this isn't a long-distance relationship.

I have recently met somebody (in person) who literally lives on the other side of the world to me (30 hours!), we are certainly not in a relationship at the moment due to the distance but both would like to see if this could work, so he has booked to fly and see me in 6 weeks time and I am going over to him in September.

We are both lucky that our jobs/financial situation allows us both to travel a lot and possibly relocate so there is a possibility that it could work but from what you are saying that doesn't appear to be on the cards for you.

What is it you want from this guy other than the odd video/voicenote?

From what I understand you were direct about the methods of communication you prefer -but were you direct about asking him where you see all this going ?

If you don’t see it going anywhere that’s one thing, but if you do - you might want to check he’s on the same page as far as being open to something real potentially growing out of this.

This was exactly my first thought.