To tell him that I wish he would send more video messages/voicenotes?

[Comms85]

I've been chatting to a guy I met online for a month, it's long distance, he's like an 11 hour flight away.
Yes I know it seems pointless but I was enjoying the video messages as he's very handsome and the voicenotes as I love his accent. I was reciprocating and sending video messages and voicenotes back.
In the last 2 weeks he has pretty much just stopped sending videos or voicenotes and now just texts. For me the whole point of it is to see his face and hear his voice, I don't see the point of having a penpal who I text. For this reason it has been fizzling out and so I have backed off but he is still initiating the texting.
So I told him yesterday how I felt and that it was just fizzling out for me as I don't see him or hear him anymore, he apologized and used being busy at work as an excuse (which we all know is BS, if he wanted to he would etc)

He then said he will start sending me video messages again.
Was I out of order to say this to him? Or should I have just left it? I don't want to pressure someone into sending me videos and voicenotes if they aren't feeling like they want to but it's like he just got lazy and stopped and tbh I can't be arsed texting someone small talk etc. I have friends , I don't need another one.
I told him this yesterday and was fully prepared for it to be over , I wasn't expecting him to reply and say he would send videos again as he obviously doesn't want to or he wouldn't have stopped.

I am very much aware that he owes me nothing, and if he had stopped texting me , I would have stopped also and it would have been a mutual the ghosting. But he is still texting and that's why I felt the need to tell him, it was either that or ghost him.

It’s more like getting pissy about the fact that the handsome stranger who used to get a coffee in the same place you did has stopped!

You can type a message anywhere, need a quiet space alone to leave voice notes or videos so being busy but still finding time to text seems logical to me.

You have told him you prefer video/voice notes and he is going to send more. I think that shows he is interested.

Well I'd advise you to seriously think about feeling like this as any sort of relationship. And make damn sure you don't part with any money. You don't know him and it's not practical. As PP said, having a penpal is lovely but I seriously doubt that's what this chap is after. Be very wary.

It was fine to say what you thought, and it's even got a better response than you expected, so hopefully that reassures you you weren't BU.

If chatting with some guy the other side of the world is a way to learn better boundaries that you can then transfer to in-person relationships, then go for it.

On the subject of boundaries, though, you seem to feel you owe it to him to talk to him if he's still talking to you. You can draw this communication to a close yourself at any time. You just say, "this has been fun, have a great life."

Yeah it's exactly the same as that 🙄

@CharlotteCollinsneeLucas yeah I guess I could have , but I like him and I keep rewatching the previous videos he sent me and that's how I know I like him. So I actually don't want the contact to end and that's why I told him how I felt about the lack of voicenotes etc

@CharlotteCollinsneeLucas with anyone else, I would just ignore them but I like this one unfortunately 😭

No, you like what he has chosen to project to you on video from the other side of the world. It's not real. He might be perfectly lovely, but don't kid yourself that you have any idea who he is right now.

Absolutely 💯 this - it’s the 21st century version of having a penpal

Maybe he’s realised how unrealistic it all is and doesn’t see it as a relationship

@Ace56 I'm absolutely not desperate for validation and I'm really fussy as well. I have ignored quite a few guys recently who have texted because they are boring and there's no chemistry so I'm definitely not needy or desperate, I just like this one, that's all

Ok. Liking somebody is not always enough of a reason for keeping in touch, though. Nothing meaningful can develop here and a penpal is not what you want.

So maybe the best thing for you is to recognise you like him but say a positive farewell now anyway. It was a fun extended conversation. But won't prolonging it will make it harder to end?

Not to mention, potentially stopping OP meeting someone IRL (and more accessible)

I wonder though, if the reason this "couldn't be a relationship but looks a bit like one" situation is appealing to you, OP, is because it is safer than a real relationship?

In which case, just enjoying being single for a while could be a better way forward than looking for someone local.

I'm afraid you have to fast forward a bit into the future. OK so he resumes the videos but then what. You have a video and you're still 11hr away. Where is this going ? Is it really a practical proposition... remember all this time and emotional energy you're investing in this guy, is time you are not investing in things closer to home.
I'm sorry OP but this seems v impractical

Ugh I hate voice notes. Always kills the conversation for me as I have to find somewhere private to listen to them.

Ultimately this will never work as a relationship. You live to far apart and you don’t even know each other yet you are invested in this person. I would say just a message saying that living so far apart means that a relationship isn’t possible and that you wish him the best.

it also raised my scam senses- a couple of weeks of video calls then down to texts could also be a “face” and then someone else takes over whilst he works on the next one hence the contact.

I would put all my efforts in something that would actually work

Have you considered he might be texting/video messaging many women on the internet?

Some men and women do this, often because their marriage/relationship has gone stale.

It's apparently quite addictive for some and they deliberately choose people in far away countries, so they don't affect their real life.

Oh well, at least when he starts sending the "could you send me £5k to help my elderly Aunty" messages he'll get a more positive response to a video message than a text.

Why so cynical 😂😂😂

Just another thought.

Maybe the videos aren't of him and he's temporarily run out of them?

He might need to contact Handsome Harry again and pay him a few more quid?

Believe it or not, this is exactly what conmen do if they're going to try and get money out of the woman.

Before you know it, he'll be looking for plane fair to come and 'visit' you.

A while back I got a FB pm from 'some silver fox serving abroad in the US Army'. My profile pic is me in my wedding dress. They're not half lazy with the phishing. Obviously I gave him all my money and am now destitute 😁

unfortunately this is very possible OP, long distance or not they estimate a significant amount of men on dating apps or online posing as single are actually married or in relationships.

When we were 19, my friend had a LD relationship with a slightly older man in America for years used to call or email him regularly and at one point she would hear a woman or a baby in the background and the line would cut, and when she called him out he’d deny it. And this was someone she met in person first let alone someone she’d never met.

ETA: It’s disappointing he clearly isn’t that keen but it’s perhaps a blessing in disguise as you could get more and more attached while he may not have any plans to make this into a serious relationship.