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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

175k salary and all gone

1000 replies

175allgone · 26/05/2024 02:02

This will ruffle some feathers, but after tax, mortgage , childcare, living expenses….there doesn’t seem much left. SE London, commuting, wrap around care. Whilst I appreciate I’m not having to watch my bills I’m hardly living an extravagant lifestyle.

OP posts:
OldTinHat · 26/05/2024 05:59

£4k a month for childcare?

£48k a year?

Would it not be cheaper for you to hire a nanny?

Pollipops1 · 26/05/2024 06:00

@Beezknees where did I infer otherwise? It was a question?

Tumbleweed101 · 26/05/2024 06:01

Everyone lives to their means which is why everyone feels like there isn’t much left after outgoings.

If I suddenly had your salary tomorrow I’d be rich because my life and outgoings have been tailored to my much lower salary. If I then decided to buy a house in London my new salary would feel much lower again.

I think childcare does need looking at in your case for other options. Our full time children (7.30-6 every day) pay around £1k a month so yours is very high. At least there is an end point to that outgoing though unless you’re using private schools after.

Bululu · 26/05/2024 06:04

I can see how it happens. There are many in your position with high salaries that half goes in tax including council tax and all taxes we pay in this country. Living in the South East is very expensive and the interest rates soaring twice or three times your mortgage probably was the cherry on top. However, child care costs are punitive these days. Expect zero sympathy from most as it is obviously hard to believe we have reached this point. Only when we are in similar situation we can understand. This country is only for the very rich or the supported by the welfare state.

Glittertwins · 26/05/2024 06:09

That's an extortionate child care bill. Hopefully it won't be for too much longer but it paints a picture of what private education will cost if that's the route you want to follow (and increasing if Labour add VAT to fees).

Emeraldsrock · 26/05/2024 06:11

I suppose the positive is the mortgage is paying of off an expensive property I presume which you will eventually own. You will be able to move anywhere you want to eventually as your house will be worth a lot.

BeethovenNinth · 26/05/2024 06:12

And this is why people other west who are working don’t have more kids. Childcare is extortionate

Nesbi · 26/05/2024 06:14

When your salary hits a certain level it is easy to think “well I’m the sort of person whose lifestyle should now look a certain way, and that should include x, y, z”.

In your case OP that includes living in Islington, which is horrifically expensive (which you can see in your mortgage and even more so in your childcare costs).

I expect it creeps in in other ways too - lots of lovely tempting restaurants and shops nearby. Also, you are surrounded by people (friends?) who are even wealthier than you, so you will see people taking advantage of those shops and restaurants, you will see all the houses worth multiples of your own, you will hear about the people who went skiing at half term and who popped over to the Caribbean in the Easter hols, and probably wonder how the hell it can be that £175k still isn’t enough to enjoy a lifestyle that you see all around you everyday.

The reality though is that you can afford bits of the lifestyle, but not all of it. You’ve gone for the expensive location but in consequence that isn’t leaving you much for the other stuff.

That might improve if/when childcare costs go down, but if you’re thinking that you’re also the sort of people whose children should go to a fee paying school, then I’m afraid you are going to feel stretched for a long time!

Just as a comparison, our household income is about £10k a month. We live in a part of East London we really like, but it is much, much cheaper and less fashionable than Islington is (and so the mortgage on our 4 bed is currently less than £2k p/m).

Our kids go to local state schools, and a fair bit of our income goes into pensions and doing up our house.

That leaves a healthy budget for holidays, and other fun stuff for the kids, but If we chose to live somewhere like Islington, or if we decided to spend money on school fees I think all that would quickly change.

Galliano · 26/05/2024 06:15

Is it £175k salaries plural?
Assume you’re not a single parent as you mention joint account and we.
If it’s just one salary why do you need the childcare.
If its’s two the salary to take home seems wrong unless you are hugely contributing to pensions…something you might have to ramp down for the preschool years.

MouseMama · 26/05/2024 06:16

You’ll get a lot of snarky comments but I get it… £200K disappears quickly in London/SE if you’ve got little ones and need childcare. Your mortgage isn’t bad either, my guess is you’d probably like a bit more space / wouldn’t have room for a third child if you wanted one.

The good news is that the school wrap around care is a fraction of the cost of a nursery place so it does get better.

Pollipops1 · 26/05/2024 06:17

Expect zero sympathy from most as it is obviously hard to believe we have reached this point. Only when we are in similar situation we can understand. This country is only for the very rich or the supported by the welfare state.

The two issue are high housing & childcare costs, which are crazy for many. ,The OPs housing is not that bad vs income but many people are lumbered with big payments simply because of timing. There could be a family next to you in the same house with a £500 mortgage because they are 5 yrs older.

Childcare costs particularly as you don’t qualify for any free hours/tax free on the OPs salary.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 26/05/2024 06:18

How is your childcare bill £4,000!? Would it be cheaper to get a nanny or childminder?

NicoleSkidman · 26/05/2024 06:21

Overthebow · 26/05/2024 02:30

How are your childcare fees £4k? How many children do you have in nursery? We’re in the south east to, join income less at £6500 a month and once I’m back from mat leave will be paying £1100 a month for 2 DC, one nursery and one school wraparound.

Edited

On your income you won’t be paying full childcare fees. You’ll be entitled to free hours and tax free childcare. You’re not comparing like with like.

Pollipops1 · 26/05/2024 06:22

Just as a comparison, our household income is about £10k a month. We live in a part of East London we really like, but it is much, much cheaper and less fashionable than Islington is (and so the mortgage on our 4 bed is currently less than £2k p/m).

Is you mortgage 2k a month because you live in a cheaper area or because you have equity @Nesbi? Can 2k a month buy you a 4 bed today? I know people who rent flats in unfashionable areas for 2k a month.

infactyourquiteunique · 26/05/2024 06:25

So dh and I earn about 70k between us. Take home about £4500 .
We live in an area where housing is significantly cheaper. Our mortgage is £660.
Childcare, I work part time largely around dh hours so our childcare bill is £30 a month. But when ds was under 2 it was £400 a month. Once he turned two we got the free hours and our nursery didn't charge extras. So we paid nothing for two years.
Bills , food and commuting equals about 2.5k
Then there's extra like sending money to eldest for uni £200. swimming lessons for youngest, gym membership for dh and I, clothes, socialising. House maintenance (currently doing garden). Probably spend around £800. Which leaves around £500 for saving.

PuttingDownRoots · 26/05/2024 06:26

2k per child is childcare is £100 per day (or just over). No tax free childcare, or free hours beyond 15 hours for a 3or4yo.
It doesn't seem as excessive when written like that...
Unless OP has twins, having 2 close together was a choice though

Wrap around will be less than that. Extra curricular can be carefully selected.

Donotgogentle · 26/05/2024 06:27

Nesbi · 26/05/2024 06:14

When your salary hits a certain level it is easy to think “well I’m the sort of person whose lifestyle should now look a certain way, and that should include x, y, z”.

In your case OP that includes living in Islington, which is horrifically expensive (which you can see in your mortgage and even more so in your childcare costs).

I expect it creeps in in other ways too - lots of lovely tempting restaurants and shops nearby. Also, you are surrounded by people (friends?) who are even wealthier than you, so you will see people taking advantage of those shops and restaurants, you will see all the houses worth multiples of your own, you will hear about the people who went skiing at half term and who popped over to the Caribbean in the Easter hols, and probably wonder how the hell it can be that £175k still isn’t enough to enjoy a lifestyle that you see all around you everyday.

The reality though is that you can afford bits of the lifestyle, but not all of it. You’ve gone for the expensive location but in consequence that isn’t leaving you much for the other stuff.

That might improve if/when childcare costs go down, but if you’re thinking that you’re also the sort of people whose children should go to a fee paying school, then I’m afraid you are going to feel stretched for a long time!

Just as a comparison, our household income is about £10k a month. We live in a part of East London we really like, but it is much, much cheaper and less fashionable than Islington is (and so the mortgage on our 4 bed is currently less than £2k p/m).

Our kids go to local state schools, and a fair bit of our income goes into pensions and doing up our house.

That leaves a healthy budget for holidays, and other fun stuff for the kids, but If we chose to live somewhere like Islington, or if we decided to spend money on school fees I think all that would quickly change.

Good advice.

In answer to your question op, parents of pre-schoolers in my London office often both work part time or compressed hours so they only have to cover child care costs for 3 days a week.

Your mortgage sounds reasonable.

Private school fees would be more than your current childcare costs, so make sure you’re happy with your local state school option before they start.

infactyourquiteunique · 26/05/2024 06:29

JerkintheMerkin · 26/05/2024 03:38

I'm genuinely shocked that £175k is only £8500pm. I assumed at those figures you'd get more bang for your buck. My yearly wage is less than what you pay in tax for the year.

Tax, ni, loans and pension. Op will have a massive pension for retirement

JohnCurtice · 26/05/2024 06:29

You know the issue, OP, because you’ve told us it- childcare. How old are your children? What will happen to these costs when they start school?

Other that that, I don’t see an issue. You live in an expensive area but you know that. I wouldn’t move (assuming you like iit there) because your problem is going to solve itself shortly. Just KBO for a few years.

VestibuleVirgin · 26/05/2024 06:31

175allgone · 26/05/2024 02:49

Well don’t care and don’t respond then. Bad on me for having children.

This is aibu. People are bound to proffer a different opinion. No need to get shirty.
But really - what is the point of your post? You didn't ask an aibu question. Did you just want to brag while pretending you were not bragging?

Pollipops1 · 26/05/2024 06:34

Tax, ni, loans and pension. Op will have a massive pension for retirement

@infactyourquiteunique why will someone on 175k have a massive pension. If take home is 8.5k they are only paying in approx £150 a month & obviously depends what the employer is contributing

TheAntiHero · 26/05/2024 06:34

Agree with PP talking about its the aspirational lifestyle of the area you live in. I live on a council estate in the 'north'. People are managing fine. But as others have said its because we all spend within our limits.

My own limits are significantly less than yours. So I can't buy a house in Islington, i have one on a council estate up North. I can't send my kids to school/nursery that costs £4k pm. They go to the local comp school and I WFH for wrap around. My car is older than most kids in high school. My other bills and outgoings will be less because I have a smaller house/don't live in London.

And as PP said, I'm not surrounded by other people who drive fancy cars, take three holidays a year, wear designer clothes etc. I'm surrounded by other people on the same financial level as me. so i don't compare myself and think I'm struggling. I'd imagine in Islington, you are probably actually a comparatively low earner.

marie3e · 26/05/2024 06:35

Cocaine habit ?

TheTartfulLodger · 26/05/2024 06:35

Hardly living an extravagant life? How the other half live.

arlequin · 26/05/2024 06:35

Islington is not SE London 🤔

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