To ask if you have the same political views as your significant other?

[pinklite]

I do. And both of our families also share the same views.

I'm not sure I could have a relationship with somebody that didn't, but perhaps I am being small minded!

Do you share the same views as your SO?

Yes, pretty much. Both Labour voters, both slightly to the left of centre. Randomly, despite my left tendency, I’m a little more “right-wing” on law and order. I draw the line at capital punishment, but I think we should take a much, much harsher line, as well as trying to tackle the systemic causes of criminal conduct.

Yes, and I am curious about how relationships work when the parties don't share social and moral values.

Yes, both Labour but he's center, I'm left.

We have pretty much opposing views but just don't discuss politics.
Been married for over 30-years so it shows that it can work.

Extreme beliefs are death to any meaningful relationships. They kill off human connection and spoil what might otherwise be a decent human.being.

Broadly there are two ways you can disagree politically.

Moral grounds, or policy grounds.

E.G "As a society we should help disabled people who can't work"is a moral thing.

"I think Policy A will do y", and "I think policy B will do y", are policy grounds. You both want the same outcome but think differently as to how to achieve it.

My late OH and I had all the same moral positions but had lots of debate over how to achieve those which were often hours long and very fun. I don't need someone who parrots my opinions back at me but I can't be with someone who doesn't agree on the big moral things.

Broadly aligned on outlook, what we consider social justice, societal fairness, both agree on Constitutional matters, want to see an end to the monarchy, and so on.

We disagree on quite a few cultural matters, but I think that's perfectly healthy. I don't think I could ever be comfortable in a relationship with someone with the polar opposite views on the really important stuff. It's a bit of a case of "respect the right to hold those views", but at the same time not believing there's any obligation incumbent upon me to either respect the views themselves, or the person holding them.

My DH and I are similar @DoAWheelie , we don’t always agree on policies, I.e., how to achieve a particular outcome, but morally we’re mostly on the same page.

Yes. I couldn't have a relationship with someone with strongly opposing views, as its not just a casual preference, its based in a deep rooted sense of right and wrong. And so convinced am I that what I believe carries moral and ethical weight, I genuinely struggle to respect someone who is strongly committed to the opposite position. Its always accompanied by character traits and opinions i dislike. A soft leaning in the other direction from someone who didn't have much interest or hadn't thought it through I could possibly tolerate, as i have friends like this and we avoid the subject.

Yes. Same views. There is absolutely no way I would ever even date a Tory.

Our views and morals would be so polar opposites, that it would mean we had nothing in common.

Nope.
Been together since 1997. Our second date was 2nd May. I was celebrating, he was crying into his beer.

Yes, as far as I know. We don't really directly talk politics much, but we talk around moral issues or comment on news stories and have similar opinions. We definitely both sit very firmly on the left side of the spectrum, although we've voted for different parties at different times.

I couldn’t date or marry someone with very different political or moral views. It shows a completely different outlook on the world that I’d struggle to like or respect.

Yes we both agree they are all a shower of shit who have no idea of what they are doing.
We have been together for 38 years and so like most people have had our ups and downs. We have realised that whatever party has been in power has had no effect whatsoever on this; so actually it’s of no importance to us. We will manage to deal with whatever life throws at us in the best way possible

We have the same values but not necessarily the same views. Biggest issue was the referendum where he voted for Scottish independence and I didn't. It was a horrid, divisive time in Scotland and I am proud to say we never had a cross word or fell out about it. We respect each others different views.

Yes, not entirely - he would describe himself as slightly more centrist (whatever that means these days)
I don't know if I would date someone with opposing views. I like to think I would, but something that's very important to me is that decisions and long term change are based around two pillars: data, and working with what we know about psychology of individuals, groups and at societal level

Unfortunately, so far a lot of people I have met with opposing views have struggled to engage in discussion with any data or research, and havnt been able to talk about how what we know about psychology marries up with the politics they support.

However, I believe I am just unlucky in that respect, and hope that I do meet someone with opposing political views at some point who can engage in discussion with both of those things informing their beliefs, because I would be really interested in learning about the data and psychological basis for decisions that they agree with.
I hope this is a respectful comment, as I do genuinely believe I've just been unlucky so far, I want to be clear that I dont think that everyone who doesn't agree with me has no evidence to back themselves up!

What do you do if their views change? I have been married over 20 years and DH's views have swung somewhat to the right, though not extreme right.

Just keep chatting. I wouldn’t dump for ‘right wing views’ but I would for racist ones. Ie ‘I want less immigration’ is ok, but ‘our country is being dominated by X or Y ethnicity’ is not.

Unfortunately, so far a lot of people I have met with opposing views have struggled to engage in discussion with any data or research, and havnt been able to talk about how what we know about psychology marries up with the politics they support.

@Foxblue I agree that the art of debate and the ability to have a fact-based discussion makes a huge difference in relationships. DH and I have encouraged our teenagers to debate without resorting to emotional arguments, because it’s far more effective. DD (19) was very involved in her high school’s debating club and I’ve learnt a lot from her, she can put together a strong argument!

We have very similar political views, and very similar views on moral/ethical-type issues too. Very important to both of us that that is the case. Can’t conceive of being with a Tory, or some who voted Leave, for example.

We used to, but my views have changed after decades under Welsh Labour who consider any contrary opinion to theirs need squashing. I saw people in the public sector who should be neutral expected to publicly put forward opinions on the new speed limit to shut the objectors up and this has been a common theme. Dh is a member of the Labour Party still but I can't stand the fact they preach about engagement but hate any opposition. I can't be arsed to argue with dh because the other options are also shit but I miss caring about who runs us

We don’t but more similar than when we met as I think we have seen the merits in each other’s positions and respect each other. I think the reasons for the other person’s position are important. DH and I have different perspectives on what the highest priorities are and how to manage them but I don’t think I could be with someone whose political views were motivated by being e.g anti immigrant or benefits.

Yep. Same as my husband. His rants about the Tory mismanagement of the NHS are a thing of beauty and only done after a few drinks.

My parents, sister, sister in law all feel similarly. My father in law has religiously read the Mail for years, doesn’t like anyone from abroad coming to live here (actually make that doesn’t like anyone from abroad) and is a bit of an embarrassment to be honest. He fails to read the room, latest rant was London mayoral election, obviously upset at the result because we can’t have that sort winning elections and he doesn’t like to be told where he can take his particulate belching car. He thinks we’re terrible woke types and probably blames me.

Yes.

Right on some things, left on others. We both feel politically homeless atm so even though we feel it’s important to vote, I’m not sure we will this time.

Sort of. We generally have the same political ideals, but differing opinions on the pragmatic reality of politics.

She recently changed her mind on her vote, though, because something I said caused a lightbulb moment. I'm incredibly proud (not in the condescending sense, but genuinely) of her for that - not because it brought her round to my way of thinking, but because in this day and age changing your mind about something important and polarising is incredibly rare.

Yes. We don't always agree on everything but fundamentally we are absolutely aligned.

It's very important to both of us and I wouldn't have a relationship with very different values.