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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think schools should get with the times re working parents.

818 replies

working8til4 · 24/05/2024 20:31

Why can't they be open 8-6 for everyone? It would help reduce gender inequality in the work place

AIBU - DON'T BE SILLY
YANBU - actually you have a point

OP posts:
SheilaWilde · 25/05/2024 07:40

Why should your problem have to be solved by someone else? You're part of a generation who feels both entitled and hard done by. You want your nice house with a high mortgage and you feel disgruntled that there isn't free/cheap childcare for you. There is childcare in the form of childminders etc but you don't want to pay a premium for it. You want teachers and schools (already underfunded to the point where they're collapsing) to solve your problem. That's not how it works. It's your problem to solve not the government, teachers and teaching staff. Getting pregnant doesn't happen by happenstance so whether it was unexpected or not it's no one else's problem that you don't have sufficient childcare. You could move to a cheaper area, move to a smaller property that needs updating, look for a more flexible job. There are solutions but you don't want the onus to fall on you, you want someone else to step in with a ready made solution to an issue of your own making.

Pickled21 · 25/05/2024 07:44

Your op isn't very well thought out at all. I don't want my children in school for that long, I do not consider it in their best interests. This is yet another thing being shoved onto schools but as a parent you need to take some responsibility for your own situation. If your school doesn't offer wraparound care then you look to an external provider, move areas.

As for your mortgage, well I do think that the affordability tests should be more stringent but you also have to take some responsibility. We could have been approved for double the mortgage we got but we had 2 children at the time and knew we would want more and considered the need for childcare and other costs wouldn't stay static so we went for a cheaper mortgage and we're able to get it fixed. It took some forward planning from us and also being sensible about what we could afford because interest rates do rise.

I do agree that each school should provide breakfast club and afterschool club as standard. However if is provided by external companies then who pays, the parent or the government? Perhaps the government could subsidise on a sliding scale? If this is held at the school then I'm sure that will come with a ton of paperwork. Who would ultimately be responsible? The quality of provision would need to be continuously monitored, as well as uptake to make sure it gives value for money. Yes it would create jobs but how many people would want to do such hours?

I do think some holiday clubs could look at their hours and consider that they are used as childcare so more reflect the average working day and include early drop off and late pick up as standard.

BarHumbugs · 25/05/2024 07:45

Labour were about to bring in wrap around care in all primary schools when they were voted out 14 years ago, along with fixing all the buildings! both abandoned by the coalition. Who'd have thought that would lead to difficulties finding childcare and school buildings falling down?

Kalevala · 25/05/2024 07:46

KarenOH · 25/05/2024 07:38

No, I think employers need to get with the programme instead. THAT is what is causing the inequality. It’s no coincidence that the majority of flexible working requests come from women, not men.

The country can not just run 9 to 3. Not everyone can do work that could be done in two fewer hours a day if they just got off of Insta or whatever and got the work done. All of us who had to go out to work through 2020 for example.

WoshPank · 25/05/2024 07:47

SheilaWilde · 25/05/2024 07:40

Why should your problem have to be solved by someone else? You're part of a generation who feels both entitled and hard done by. You want your nice house with a high mortgage and you feel disgruntled that there isn't free/cheap childcare for you. There is childcare in the form of childminders etc but you don't want to pay a premium for it. You want teachers and schools (already underfunded to the point where they're collapsing) to solve your problem. That's not how it works. It's your problem to solve not the government, teachers and teaching staff. Getting pregnant doesn't happen by happenstance so whether it was unexpected or not it's no one else's problem that you don't have sufficient childcare. You could move to a cheaper area, move to a smaller property that needs updating, look for a more flexible job. There are solutions but you don't want the onus to fall on you, you want someone else to step in with a ready made solution to an issue of your own making.

I don't agree with OP, but this is just nonsensical.

You don't know whether there are childminders or not. That's total assumption on your part.

The comment about getting pregnant is presumably a suggestion that OP should've planned ahead? But if she has a child of or approaching school age, any planning she did before TTC would be years out of date. Carefully appraising what's on offer in your area now tells you absolutely nothing about what will still be there in years to come.

Not immediately obvious why you thought generation was relevant here either? Especially as you've so obviously failed to understand that if you did want to bring it up, what it actually means is that the choices about housing costs available to previous generations don't exist in the same way for younger people now.

Laurama91 · 25/05/2024 07:47

I start work at 7.30. Do these times suit your work place because they wouldn't mine?

PoppyFleur · 25/05/2024 07:50

working8til4 · 25/05/2024 05:46

And? Not my fault is it. The Scandinavian model others have mentioned sounds good to me.

Whilst in essence you have a valid point, your approach to this thread has been completely unreasonable.

It is true that childcare options and costs are variable around the country and ,cost wise, can be completely prohibitive to some parents. This is the fault of Government and not schools. If government want more people back in the workplace full time then it needs to ensure an environment to support that.

However, throughout this thread the OP has been argumentative and belligerent. Everything is everyone else’s fault and not her own. Fell pregnant unexpectedly - not her fault! Took out an unmanageable mortgage despite the warning signs of historically low mortgage rates at completely unsustainable levels - not her fault! Picked a school with no wrap around care - not her fault! Partner can’t help with childcare - not her fault!

Adulthood comes with tough decisions and responsibilities. You know why you are in this situation, some of it circumstances and a lot of it your life decisions.

Pinacollider · 25/05/2024 07:54

OP how much are you willing to pay for after-school care? I understand that finances are stretched but I think the main issue here is your finances. Not the schooling system. There are things in place e.g. childminders, but are you unwilling to pay for them? School budgets are tight enough as they are.

Do you have big fancy cars? Do you have a big house with spare bedrooms? It sounds like you both have decent jobs (DH a Dr maybe?). Are you trying to 'keep up with the Jones'. Do you think you 'deserve' all the luxuries in life because you're well paid on paper?

I understand it's frustrating, but possibly you need to look at your money mindset and stop blaming schools for your mortgage/money issues

Sirzy · 25/05/2024 07:54

Schools providing wrap around care (either themselves or via external company) is the ideal but it does very much depend on local demand.

we provide wrap around care but it makes a loss for the school so it’s far from ideal. No external company would come in and run it at a loss. If we increase costs (we keep it as low cost as possible) then the parents who need it wouldn’t be able to afford it.

Its not as straight forward as some would like to think!

Hayliebells · 25/05/2024 07:55

WoshPank · 25/05/2024 07:36

You're conflating two things in this post. Schools being obliged to offer wraparound care, and be obliged to allow their buildings to be used for it. They're not the same thing at all.

And the latter is a much stronger point than the former. A school existing in an area doesn't mean a workforce is available to provide wraparound care in it, much less at a rate that would make it viable.

Yes, you’re right, the school should only have the compulsion to allow the use of their buildings. Everything else should be taken care of by the wraparound care provider, as is the case where it happens successfully. I understand that in a rural isolated areas, private wraparound care might not be viable. But I have friends and family living in relatively populated cities, where the parents can and would pay what is required for a wraparound care option to be viable, yet it doesn’t exist at their schools, or it is very limited. I do think then that it has come down to a choice by the schools, which isn’t Ok. I know school leaders have an incredibly difficult job, I am a teacher, so the government should be supporting them with whatever they need to allow it to happen. It was a manifesto promise, it is supposed to happen.

theworldsmad · 25/05/2024 07:56

Whattt? This is the most ignorant post I've read in a long time. This screams, 'i don't know anything about child development and frankly don't care, just care about making my own life easier!'. More and more research are coming out about the importance of free play and time in nature and time spent without organized activities. (I mean we've known it all along, but luckily research is becoming clearer) Scandinavian countries are starting school later and later (age wise, so @7 years), they are doing more unstructured schooling (less sit at a desk). The word unschooled is becoming popular. The more we understand about child development, the less we think traditional schooling is a good idea. And here your are asking that kids go to school longer than you are at work???!! A 10 hour day?? A 50 hour week? Good grief!!! And at what age do you propose these draconian measures that adults aren't even subject to, start? 4? Or maybe you'd prefer at 1, the moment your mat leave ends?
Geez, were failing our kids... All in the name of 'workplace equality eh? I mean you'd rather let your kids spend 10 hours in formal childcare per day than let John do longer hours than you. So unfair that you have to leave early to pick up the kids

leopardski · 25/05/2024 07:56

Fairly recently the 4-day working week movement was gaining some momentum, there were quite a few companies trialling it with brilliant results. It was a 4-day week with no reduction in pay. I so wish this becomes a reality in future. Working parents could perhaps flex the 4 days over 5 around school hours. A few less days to cover in half term. I know this format won’t work for everyone / every job and is far more suited to office roles etc but I’d love it if it became more of a reality!

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 25/05/2024 07:57

You know the teachers are working / have children also? They aren’t working in a crèche.

80smonster · 25/05/2024 07:58

working8til4 · 24/05/2024 20:31

Why can't they be open 8-6 for everyone? It would help reduce gender inequality in the work place

AIBU - DON'T BE SILLY
YANBU - actually you have a point

Lots do, but they charge you extra, it’s called wrap care.

Dweetfidilove · 25/05/2024 08:03

@Frogpole @Princesscounsuelabananahammock
This was the OP’s response to a poster suggesting dad helps with pick up and drop off.

They can but DO THEY?

Babyonemorekiss · 25/05/2024 08:07

Tbh op wrap around care is a nightmare to staff. No one wants to work split hours for such rubbish pay.

At my school our asc is limited in capacity as we cannot staff it.

Do you have any family that would help out?

MsCheeryble · 25/05/2024 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Who said they had to work for a pittance? Or indeed that OP would be ungrateful?

BashfulClam · 25/05/2024 08:08

You want children to be at school 50 hours a week! Why not just put all kids in boarding schools! Where will the money for this appear from?

Dweetfidilove · 25/05/2024 08:09

Frogpole · 25/05/2024 02:41

@Dweetfidilove now they must work longer hours because fathers are too busy and important to help juggle childcare 🤦🏾‍♀️.
Whilst reading your comment I experienced the sensations and emotions associated with anger. I didn't "get", "become", or allow it to "make me" angry, I just experienced it. Those feelings have now passed, and I'll respond - rather than react - to your comment.

Lots of us are or have been single fathers, have cared, nurtured, raised and provided for our children when their mothers are unfit to do so and/or abandon them - and we just get on and do it because they're our kids, just the same as women do in the same situation. We juggle full time jobs, careers, childcare, just the same.

Lots of us move on from there to take responsibility for more kids too. Some of us carry that responsibility to the point of adoption. Other's don't, but that's fine too. Women do just the same.

Some of us even go on to become foster parents, or rather foster families - and not like the shitholes I grew up in way back when - and we do it because we care, just the same as women do.

The vast majority of us though, we're just regular parents same as everyone else, trying to get through life doing the best job of it we can, even if we do fcuk it up once in a while.. just the same as women.

I'm truly sorry for whatever it is life's thrown at you to leave you thinking this way, I know as well as anyone that some people can be.. I'll say "not very nice", but I'm sure you know what I actually mean (use your imagination, be creative). Please do try to remember though, it's people that can be cun "not nice", not just one gender, race, nationality, orientation, religion or however else we pigeon-hole them, ok?

Frogpole out.

My post was not based on anything life has thrown at me, so please, don’t feel sorry for me.

I had a wonderful father (deceased), an amazing stepfather and a great co-parent.

The OP says men can do what you do, but they don’t. I believe that’s who your argument should be with.

Carry on being an effective parent 👏🏾

BibbleandSqwauk · 25/05/2024 08:10

An issue with sharing space with outside providers is a very practical day to day one of equipment being moved, misplaced or broken keys being lost, students' work being damaged or moved etc. A teacher's classroom is quite a personal space and it's quite invasive and inconvenient to have to put anything personal or important away securely every day. I have to clear my room for holiday lets and without fail I end up coming back to missing chairs, dings in the wall, scribble on the tables, ripped display work, missing staplers etc. This may sound petty and trivial but if it was a daily thing it would make my teaching day impossible.

spanieleyes · 25/05/2024 08:10

We run a breakfast club at school. All the staff who run it are teaching assistants in the school because no one else wants to work 7.30 to 8.45 term time only. We are lucky that the TAs will do so, mainly because they have to supplement the ridiculously low pay scales they have. We get around 30-40 children most days and charge £4 a day so it is just about financially viable. And our TAs are also working as dinner ladies because we can't recruit those either- who wants to work 11.30 to 1.00 each day either?
But we can't run after school provision too, we don't have the staff willing to do it. And the demand isn't there. A local private nursery collects but some days they only have 1-2 children attending. It's not financially viable. Forcing schools to provide wraparound care isn't the solution when the demand just isn't there.

spanieleyes · 25/05/2024 08:12

Oh, and if we had to use the school hall for after school care, we wouldn't be able to provide the free after school clubs that teachers volunteer to run!

Dabdab1 · 25/05/2024 08:12

Schools are not childcare

Annoyed851 · 25/05/2024 08:17

The answer is, essentially, because it would cost the taxpayer billions to fund. Look at the strain on nurseries with additional funded hours. The government won’t step up and fund wrap around care until they are what, 16? When they are struggling to commit to kids up to 4. Staff won’t work for free and the tax receipts from the extra hours worked by parents probably wouldn’t pay the additional cost needed.

OneBadKitty · 25/05/2024 08:19

How about people think about whether they have the time and money to be able to look after their children properly and meet their needs before starting a family?

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